Hooking Up »

[22 Dec 2015 | One Comment | ]

Hi! I need advice. I have a friend, John. We met this year and we are really
great friends. We always had chemistry but he had a girlfriend. They broke up
three weeks ago and we had sex last week for the first time. I’m not a very
affectionate person, and it wasn’t planned. Anyway, I’m getting a lot of mixed
signals from him. He hates when I talk about my ex boyfriend (we broke up four
months ago) and he would be very distant for a few days and then suddenly he’s
all over me. We work together and he talks to me every day at the office.

He sits with me every day and gives me compliments. After sex he told me to
sleep over, and he held me the whole night, and kissed me. He was also very
gentle and loving during sex, which I did not expect.

His ex girlfriend is a problem though. She keeps wanting to see him and then he
gets distant because it’s upsetting. He invited me over (to have sex) and I said
we can’t, but then he said I must go anyway, and he would come sit next to me.
He also notices a lot of things and get small ways to touch me. I don’t know if
he likes me or not, but I hate the confusion and I’m overthinking everything.
And I’m so afraid that he will think I like him if I’m nice or just caring and
he’ll get scared or uncomfortable. But he has days where he doesn’t want to talk
or let anybody know about us, and then other days he’s the one who lets everyone

His ex girlfriend also asked him not to sleep around, and he invited me over
right after and told me what she said. He then said if she asked if he did he
would have said yes but that it’s none of her business. I would really
appreciate some advice and how to handle the situation and be around him.

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Friends with Benefits »

[9 Dec 2015 | 2 Comments | ]

sexual coupleIt’s the 21st Century and life is moving at a fast pace. Information travels quickly, news arrives almost instantly, and communication is done through social networks and mostly through Smart devices. Women have become emancipated from the pressures of social injustice that viewed them as secondary to men, and there has been an increase in independent freedom. This of course alters the common taboos of sex and what is considered “improper behavior”. The rise of Tinder and free fuck-buddy websites allow adults to speed-date, sleep together with no strings attached, and not feel obligated to answer to anyone for it. This of course comes with new responsibilities, but it paves the way for a world that puts the individual in charge of their sex life and doesn’t make them feel like the odd-person out. Read the rest of this entry »

General Advice »

[3 Jun 2015 | One Comment | ]

So my guy friend and I have been talking a lot. And are starting to become
friends and we both just got out of a relationship. It came up that he was
looking for a fuck buddy. And I would like to be friends with him and I am
starting to like him. But I am not sure that becoming his fuck buddy would ruin
the chance of us either staying friends or eventually being in a relationship.
Neither of us are quit ready for a relationship yet though, so keep that in
mind. I think it might be good to have a fuck buddy but I don’t want it to just
be about sex. Also, I’m 18 and he’s 28. So could the age factor be a deal
breaker for the relationship but not fuck buddy’s? What do you think? Thank you!

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Dating »

[26 May 2015 | No Comment | ]

Hey, Robby!

So I met this guy online about a year and a half ago. This past spring break I
went to visit a friend at the college he attends, and we ended up meeting. Just
to provide some context on my relationship with him, we’ve talked for a year,
and we went from being interested in one another romantically, and when things
didn’t work out for a number of reasons we eventually progressed to just being
best friends (since at one point he called me his best friend).

So when we initially met it was to watch a movie at around midnight in his
dorm room with his friends. Throughout the movie we just sat shoulder to
shoulder. Then once all of his friends but one left with that remaining friend
passed out and sleeping on the bed, we were siting so close with my entire right
side against his left. Then his friend eventually left and we ended up cuddling,
which he initiated and then we ended up hooking up, which he also initiated.
When it was around 7am I was about to leave, and I was feeling extremely
flustered and confused about what we were, and I was going to leave without
saying goodbye. But before I could leave he called my name to stop me, and he
gave me a hug.

Then we met up two days later and had dinner with his friends, went back to
his dorm and played a video game, then watched some Netflix together. We cuddled
the entire time, then eventually we ended up hooking up. Afterwards I asked
whether I could just stay with him that night, and he said I could. After
showering he joined me in his bed and we ended up cuddling that night and
holding hands.

Eventually the day came for me to leave, and I told him that I really liked
him but we went to schools that were far from one another (although 3 hours
isn’t so far away). He got my drift and he just silently gave what seemed to be
a sad nod, and got up to give me a long and tight hug. I said I would miss him
and he said he would come visit me, and I left. But then I couldn’t help but
knock on his door again after taking a few steps from the door, and after he
asked whether I forgot something I wordlessly pulled him in for one last kiss.
When I pulled away he brought my face to his for a second kiss and then I left.
But then my friend and sister who were picking me up wanted to meet him, so I
went back with my sister to tell him they wanted to meet him. He was so sweet to
them but when he left he only gave me a one-handed hug.

Once I was back at my respective school I had a moment of weakness and posted
a lovey-dovey song about falling for someone on his Facebook timelime. That
prompted a conversation through message where he said that I’d already said that
it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to be in a relationship, and it pretty much
ended with him saying he really liked me and seriously considered a relationship
with me, but decided to stick to his original plan of being single throughout
college or even want to be with me following college. Should I just stick to
trying to visit him when I can and hooking up even if he doesn’t want to be in a
relationship? I really do like him, but at the same time I don’t want to be just
a hook-up to someone even if they say I’m not a meaningless hookup. Is there any
chance he’ll eventually change his mind judging from what I’ve told you?

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Friends with Benefits »

[17 Apr 2015 | No Comment | ]

Okay so I have this guy, we have been on & off fuck buddies for about a year.
Maybe a little over, and when I say on/off, I mean we had stages where we had no
contact for a few months at a time.
Started as a drunk thing, and I wasn’t expecting him to even contact me the
next day but he made all the first moves, asking around for my number
Initially it was just harmless sex, until my stupid heart got the better of me
and I started having feelings for him.
I’m not good at talking about feelings, I get nervous and would drop my balls
every time I tried. Then I would drink and all this stuff I had bottled up and
built up resentment would come out aggressively through drunken texts and calls,
and I would end the relationship with some stupid confusing drunk text. And he
would always chase me, come and find me, or tell me that he liked me back and
he really cared about me so I would end up in his bed that night.
Then we would wake up the next day and never talk about it again, so it was
always unsolved problems. This would happen every weekend for 3months at a
time. Eventually I had to end it with him, I said I can’t sleep with someone I
have feelings for, he would say something like “okay well that sucks I really
do like you but okay I understand” which would just mind fuck me because I
don’t understand what that means. So I guess he got sick of the drama that would
happen every weekend. He asked me out one night while we were arguing, but I said
no because we were fighting and had been drinking, I wanted to wait till the
morning to talk about it properly, but he never brought it up again. And he
says now that I rejected him whenever I bring up the bf/gf topic. So anyway we
are talking again, fucking again. And a lot, all the time.
We text everyday all day but the conversation is rather dry and
boring unless is sexual or flirty banter. I’ve told him that I like him a lot,
and that I’m looking for something stable, and that I want what we are doing to
maybe lead to something (through text). He says he likes me too, and that he is
ready for a commitment but then he never talks about it any further. He goes out
of his way to see me, does things like cooking me breakfast, and it’s doesn’t
always have to be sex but we both have high sex drives so I guess it just
happens unless it’s that time of the month, but he will still just come
sleepover. So you may be thinking it should be simple he likes you, and yes he
shows it in actions. But little things like cuddling, and holding hands and pda
and sending kissy faces and all that soapy stuff females crave, he doesn’t do
at all. I feel like if I text him tomorrow and said I was done he would just
say okay. We will talk about not seeing other people, and he will say something
like “you don’t have to worry about me seeing other people because I can’t pull anyway”
which I mean wtf that is NOT the answer I want. He is a very simple man, doesn’t say much.
I guess I just want some advice on if you think we are on the same page? How can I test?
I was thinking of asking him out and if he said no then I would end the
relationship but I haven’t found the right time. It’s also hard because my friends
don’t like him because of all the shit they have seen me deal with (sleeping
with other girls, telling his boys he doesn’t care about me, not this time but
in the past) ugh so confused. Please help and let me know what you think about
the situation. Oh and I will admit I have seen a few other people while we have
been seeing each other because I’m scared to be 100 percent committed when I’m
unsure if he would, and also like the idea that he doesn’t want to have me as a gf.
So this is what you get when you know I’d basically do anything for you.
(Naughty I know because I would kill him if I found out he was doing
The same) guess it’s my way of trying to safeguard myself. They other boys I’ve
seen all wanted relationships with me so I was getting that affection I so badly
want. And he is extremely jealous if he sees or hears about me being around
other boys. He says he just wants me to be happy and that he feels like he’s
holding me back because I’m a bit of a party animal and he’s not, but I have
told him I would give it up just like that. So many mixed messages, built up
resentment and anger and history! Help please And thank you 🙂

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Friends with Benefits »

[13 Apr 2015 | 4 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,
The unfortunate situation I have created for myself seems to me an odd one. To
try and avoid the ‘and thens’ of the story, essentially I began seeing a
girl – let’s call her Lily – through a dating app and we hit it off instantly.
Both of us recently out of LTRs and both predominantly straight with a bit of a
bi-curious twist. We shared stories of our online dating sexcapades and gave
each other advice as well as have a laugh about them. We had become good friends
over a short period of time through this bonding, whilst loving pleasuring each
other in the process.

Enter a guy – let’s call him Tom – Lily had begun chatting to and had
developed a really intense, sexual connection with from the get go. She
described Tom to me and he sounded exactly like the type of guy I would love to
have had as a fuck buddy. He was emotionally mature, vastly sexually experienced
and experimental and had no interest in a relationship. Literally the ideal FB.
I told her this honestly, and that she was very lucky to have met him. Lily and
Tom kept on talking and within a week or so had the idea of having a threesome
with me. This both intrigued and aroused me. I loved the idea! So we decided
that once she had met him (he was currently working overseas and wasn’t able
to meet for a couple of weeks) we could work out if we all got along from there.
But here’s the clincher. Lily shared with me just how much he loved to
dominate (as in male dominatrix type of scenario) her. The phone sex
conversations she described to me were truly out of this world. She confessed to
me that it was all very over-whelming but that she was enjoying all of it,
except that when it came to dominating him, she didn’t do so well. She just
wanted to please him and be submissive to his needs. Looking back now, I realise
just how envious of her situation I was but also how I differently I would have
behaved if I had been her. So, one day when Lily and I are together and Tom
sends her a message, I suggest to turn their D/s relationship into a triangle
whereby I become Tom’s dom and he be my sub. Now, at the time, Lily told me
she was comfortable with the suggestion and gave me permission to make the
suggestion to Tom. He loved the idea also, so it began.

The D/s triangle – which was all online only, not in person – lasted about a
week. In this time Lily and Tom met for the first time and bonded passionately
with ease. They sent me a message while they were together and I felt not only
envious but left out. Like a toy they didn’t need for their game. It was also
shortly after that I realised just how badly I wanted to fuck Tom as an equal
and without Lily as well as still have a threesome situation with the two of
them. And in addition to this, how much it was affecting my relationship with
Lily. My relationship with Lily had become crippled in that week. She wasn’t
herself with me and her pet names for me had disappeared almost immediately. I
asked her every day if she was comfortable and that all she had to do was tell
me to stop and that would be the end of it. She never did though. It wasn’t
until I called her and told her honestly about my urges to experience Tom on my
own as well as with her that she confessed to being uncomfortable with the whole
triangle thing from the beginning and being too afraid to tell either one of us
because she didn’t want to upset us. She also said that she was feeling
confused because she had no ownership over Tom or me as all three of us were all
seeing other people as well. This was or should have been a purely casual sex

In the end, after a few days of letting Lily think about it all – I had
already told Tom that things had to cool off on our end for Lily and he
completely understood – she eventually agreed to meet me so that we could talk
it through in person. At the end of the meet we agreed that Tom and I should
meet on our own to see if we get on, I promised that I wouldn’t do anything
physical with Tom at all and he promised the same once we made the suggestion to
him, and then arrange a meet with all three of us if it did go well. To cut to
the chase, Tom and I did not get on in real life. Through our chatting we had
had a great sexual chemistry. In person however, our personalities outside of
the D/s arrangement clashed and we both felt really exhausted by the other
person. But, we admitted to still being somewhat sexually attracted to each
other still. Me being more open to a sexual relationship with him than he was
with me though. But, after we talked it through and I stupidly made a pass at
him even though I promised Lily I wouldn’t, I sent him a message to say that
it was all a bit too hard and that it was more right to end it altogether and
put it down as a failed interaction. He replied agreeing with the sentiment and
that it was for the best. And, because I felt that I could not be trusted by
Lily anymore (especially once she found out I made a pass at Tom) and that I was
simply not for her (as I had clashed with Tom hard and yet connected with Lily
so easily even though they were both very similar personalities) I decided cut
all ties with her as well.

Which brings me to my problem. I cannot for the life of me get Tom out of my
head! Call it an unfulfilled sexual attraction, but I fantasize about being his
dom as well as fucking him as an equal day and night. So much so that short of 2
weeks after cutting ties with him, I sent him a rather detailed and formal
message proposing that we give the D/s thing a shot in person as a one off. And
if it truly goes awfully again, then we know – I will know – that it just
isn’t meant to be. It’s been four days since I made the proposal to him and
no answer. Am I wasting my time? Is it at all likely that a man who classifies
himself as a functioning sex addict (whose moral compass is on point I might
add) could want me? Me being someone who is a confessed serial cheater and
someone who uses sex as a way to self-medicate – which I should point out both
Lily and Tom became aware of towards the end. Or should I completely write this
off as a fantasy that will always be just that?

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Friends with Benefits »

[7 Feb 2013 | 2 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,
I am currently in a FB situation. I encouraged it to happen, even started it
maybe. We met in a lounge/bar and he came home with me that night, things got
pretty hot and we ended in bed together. After that, he didn’t talk to me until
the 2 day. We started to hang out, and we occasionally had sex, but not as
frequently as we do now. So, we went out like a month or so, and I told him we
were looking for different things, and he said that someday he’d like a
girlfriend like me, but that he doesn’t want to change his lifestyle for now. So
we stopped talking, for like 3 weeks. After that, I started texting him
occasionally to meet at my apartment and have sex, ’cause he was good at it. He
gradually understood what i wanted now, and currently we are FB and have been
for 4 months now. What i don’t understand are the questions he asks me, he asks
me things like how my day was, what’s new in my life, what I did that day, he
hugs me sometimes, kisses me on the forehead, calls me names, etc. What does he
want? I’m confused. I’m the distant, cold, emotionless one. He’s said it to me
several times, that I’m cold with him; I thought that was what he wanted, just
meaningless sex. I don’t have feelings for him though, but I could if I let
myself. I’m not sure if I should open to him or stay shut? Help please! Thanks

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