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5 Ways to Tell if a Man is Only Interested in Fooling Around (or Sex)

30 November 2011 6 Comments

hey Robby..you have to excuse me for my bad language i don’t speak English
very well… I met this guy 8 months ago…he asked me out several times and
we had a lot of fun ..he is a funny sexy guy and i laugh at his jokes all the
time. We were both getting out of bad relationship, his girl left and got
married so did my boyfriend, so we were in the same position …he told me
he’s not ready for a serious relationship though he is so attracted to me he
keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy i am. I liked him a lot so i lied and
I told him I’m not ready either. He didn’t call me a lot but we were talking
from time to time he travels a lot because he is a pilot. On the sixth date he
took me to his place and we had oral sex (i am a virgin because this is our
tradition) then he traveled and we were talking on MSN till he got back
and he called me to ask me out and then cancel our dates over and over. After
that he was just taking me to his place right away .. And when i call him
he doesn’t answer but when he wants me he calls me. The last time was amazing
I spent the night with him, we talked, danced, we watched a movie, he made me
smoke weed for my first time and then he cooked for me. He was so gentle,
romantic and he kissed me hugged me a lot just like a lover and then he was
holding me so tight when we slept ..in the morning he got up so fast so he
can meet his friends. I called him in the night he didn’t pick up. I
felt so bad so i texted him that i can’t continue like that I’m starting to
fall for him and i know he doesn’t want a relationship so i better stop this
before i get hurt. Now a week has passed and he didn’t call..should i
forget him knowing that i really love him..please tell me what to do ..i
can’t tell anyone about this so i need your advice..

Let’s start at the beginning. You two both came out of relationships that ended in ways that you did not want, and when you met the connection was hesitant, but over a short period of time, it grew and you were essentially searching for what you had with your previous love. You may have been a love rebound for him–someone that he tries to recognize the feelings he had for his ex-girlfriend with. That usually poses as a huge dilemma for both you and him as well, because this way there is false sincerity and false love.

He fooled around with you and essentially was receiving everything he needed physically, but he was not feeling the emotional love for you, even though you may have been giving him the all the love that you were feeling for him. There was an emotional unbalance and you were showing him more love than he was ready to give or even ready to receive. After he realized that he was not as attracted to you emotionally as he originally thought, having to recover from his previous breakup, he was just continuing the physical relationship, until you broke it off and he found a great opportunity to cease contact, making it seem like you were the one to want the “break-up.”

You could have prevented getting into this problematic situation if you could have foreseen this coming through his actions or inactions. It happens often where a woman reads into a situation much more than she should and it becomes too late to see things clearly. It’s terrible, but it happens often that a man begins to manipulate a woman once he knows she likes him, but when all he wants is just a little fooling around. Here are some ways to know when a man is only interested in getting some physical action and nothing more.

1. One Way Calling/Texting/Facebooking

If your “lover” takes a long time to call or text back, well maybe he was busy. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, if he texts back a few hours or days later, and slowly the conversation changes to him inviting you out to see him with some sexual references thrown in so you know that your little get together will end up in bed, then alarm bells should be ringing. The fact that he messaged or called back because he “just got the message” and he right away wants to meet that day, then he isn’t just getting back to you, but he is looking for some sex. If there is seldom any communication of some sort of chit-chat on a daily basis, and messages are exchanged only on the days that you either meet or at least attempt to meet, then he most likely just looking to have sex.

2. Date Location: Bedroom

Dating is usually the phase you’re in just before you are ready to start something more serious. It’s what you do to test out the guy and get to know him more to see if he is a suitable candidate for a relationship. Once sex becomes mixed in then you’re no longer dating, but either sleeping around or in a relationship, depending on how things went. Usually either the man or the woman makes it quite clear that now you two are in a relationship if that is exactly what they want. There are those times, nonetheless, when you were on a date and things were going great and you end up in bed together, and you’re not sure where you stand. You’re beyond dating, but you’re not quite in a relationship. If the man doesn’t take initiative to make it clear that he wants something formal, and he averts from discussing it when the woman brings it up by saying something like “let’s see where it goes with time”, then he most likely wants to sleep around with the woman and not get wrapped into anything more serious.

Once you’ve slept together, if he calls you to come over to his bedroom, then chances are he wants you for one thing, and that’s to crease the covers. Also, you can tell that he just wants to sleep with you if he always acts too tired to do anything and keeps talking or hinting at going back to his place.

3. Picking Words Wisely

Do you ever ask him what he thinks about you? Do you ever tell him you want something serious? Do you ever tell him you really like him or even love him? And does he reply in a very short, thought-out manner? A man who isn’t interested in anything serious will take extra time to think about what it is he wants and what he doesn’t want, and then take some more extra time to answer certain question ambiguously so the woman doesn’t think that he is ready for a relationship and at the same time think that eventually he will grow to love her. Most of the time a man will either change the subject when the topic of love or emotions is raised, or he will tell you that he is simply not ready for anything serious now and he wants to see how things work out if things just went slow. This gives him time to not begin anything serious and at the same time not have the woman reject him from the sex they are having.

You will be able to pick up on whether or not he is interested in you as a girlfriend by the words he chooses and by the way he says things. Men who are only interested in keeping you around as a sex partner avoid talking about love and they try to make themselves look like a victim of some past relationship that hurt them which they cannot easily recover from, so they need more time to mend their hearts before they are able to love again. It’s all a very nice poetic symphony of words, but usually has no truth behind it.

4. Let’s hang… Some Other Time

A man who is in love or at least cares for a woman will not rush out as soon as the sex is over. He will cuddle, continue kissing, hug, or even just lay around sparking conversation. Of course there are those times when he just wants to sleep, but if he isn’t interested in loving you but is only stuck on having sex with you, then he will rush to leave or rush to get you out. I have noticed that after sex a woman usually gets more touchy while a man (most particularly a man who isn’t in love but only wants sex) acts like he has become allergic to a woman’s touch. And after sex is when you truly notice the difference in his character. If he’s fidgety or it looks like something is bothering him, or you notice that his mind is elsewhere then it is more than likely that he is plotting on a way to leave or to get you to leave.

A good way to test him out is to ask him to hang out with you after you two had sex sometime during the day. If he refuses and makes up some lame excuse to why he can’t then it’s definite that he is not interested in being your boyfriend.

5. Well That’s a Shame

In some situations a woman may be picking up on some distance, and out of sadness and at a final attempt at hope she tells the man that if this is how their “relationship” will continue then she isn’t sure if she wants it to continue at all. Men who are only interested in sex will take that opportunity to back away, because they have realize that they received what they wanted, kept it up for as long as it possible without committing, and now it is in their best interest to get out without any serious consequences. A man that is only interested in sex and knows that the woman is looking for something more serious, he will try his best to continue having sex with her for as long as he can, but as soon as there is some form of confrontation, he finds the quickest possible exit to flee without having to talk things out.

If you pick up on a few or even all of these 5 things that men do, then you are surely with a man that is only spending time with you to have sex and nothing more than that. Depending on what you are interested in, you probably should end things before you fall deeper into his trap and it becomes harder to end things once and for all.


  • Franky said:

    This is great truthful advice, and this is coming from a man! A man who just wants sex will for suuure choose his words wisely, he will think things through and know exactly what hes sayign and how he should say it.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Franky: Thanks for that. Yeah, men really become elaborate at times when it comes to getting themselves out of something.

  • lizzy said:

    Wow this makes so much sense even though i don’t want it to be true. after sex the guy just wants to leave or wants me out and its crazy but so true that only if he really feels for me he’ll want me to stick around. And guys are so sweet right before sex..sex changes everything. its so weird how guys change from one second to the next once sex is envolved.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Lizzy: Thanks for your words, but I don’t think that it is necessarily sex that changes everything, it is the fact that people sometimes jump into sex too easily without having to know the type of person they are dealing with and what his/her intentions are. It’s happened to most of us, but when it happens we shouldn’t really blame things on the situation or “sex” in general, but we should accept that we do all make mistakes and we learn from them.

  • justaboutfedup said:

    Robby, here is my situation.
    I believe this guy may be using me just to screw around.

    I’ve been seeing this guy. He is going through a nasty divorce from his wife. He seems to have lows about it and brings her up when he is with me. He gives her what ever money she demands without a fight in court.
    I notice lately that he has spoken about her but I over heard on the phone him talking to his mother about her so i know he is still not over her leaving him. He turns hot and cold, especially if I don’t fool around with him (have sex with him).

    I even brought up that in my future I do not want to keep fooling around with him but be more, He got really quiet and seem to try to lead me to break up with him. He only takes me through fast food drive thrus, go parking and within minutes tries to just fool around. He just wants to fool around with my body and stroke off and he is real cheap.

    He notes that he is low budget so I shouldn’t expect him to spend any money, though he has a great job. He says I can’t park my car at his mothers (where he live) no more, claims his mother is afraid x boyfriends will attack him and her and he knows i have no crazy x (was in a committed relationship for years). This is after he claims his family got mad cause he was seeing a black women. He says they think I’m crazy though nothing crazy has happened with them. I went out one night for a walk when me and him had a disagreement (he was yelling at me). I’m only allowed to park my car late at night at his house (mothers house)

    I’m beginning to think he just want to see me to fool around and for him to stroke off. He says he doesn’t want to risk getting me pregnant (though I mentioned we’d use birth control), although he can’t get a real erection. However, he has with his other women before me.

    The other night at the drive in when I refused to just screw around with him, he got upset and kept trying to pressure me. He got upset and refused to speak to me and he was ready to go.

    Here is what I think is happening.

    He just want to screw around and have nothing serious and continue to live off his mother and never remarry since he has hard feelings about his wife leaving him for another man. He avoid speaking of whether he wants a committed relationship in the future.

    If I tell him I think he doesn’t treat me right and if i say anything about him and his divorce he gets nasty and hangs up the phone on me.
    His x wife was stocking me for a while and doing background checks on me, so he knows how I feel her. He suddenly have a problem with mentioning his divorce.

    So now I’m trying to figure out a way how to stop him from thinking he can just fool around with me, without it turning into a heated arguement and him insulting me. Last time I told him how I felt, he called me imbalanced and said that I whine to much like a baby.

  • Gabbie Bastin said:

    @justaboutfedup: If he is not treating you right and if he’s pressuring you to have sex, don’t do it. And if he just wants to sleep with you, then he’s not right for you. Let him go. It’s better that way. Find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship that you want. And if he’s been in a relationship before and he’s not over it, and he wants to sleep with you, he’s just a rebound. Find someone who is worth it, not worth the hurt.

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