A Few Kind Words and a Kiss
Hello, I wonder if you can help me. I have been seeing a guy from my
workplace for around six months and it is a Friends-with-benefits thing.
Please forgive me for not using the words f*ck buddies!!!
Basically, I told him from the start that I had a boyfriend and he didn’t seem
too bothered by this (no surprise there then) but he asked me out and we
have been seeing each other ever since. At the beginning, every thing was
really good….he treated me like a queen and would always compliment me and
make me feel good. When I was distant one day, he told me that he hoped
that things weren’t over because he liked me alot. He would always email me
everyday and just generally be really sweet.
Anyway, as time has gone on, he has become alot more distant. I know that I
have a boyfriend, so I should’t moan, but he has changed. Just the other
day, he hadn’t emailed me at all and when I said that I wanted to chat to
him, he basically said that it has and that at least we could be civil to
each other. He didn’t even try to keep things as they were, he just said
that he was happy to “carry on” with me but if I didn’t want to then he
would be cool with it.
That really hurt and I know that I like him more than I want to. It`s
awkward because I work with him and I want things back to how they were.
I didn’t even like him in that way before and now I do…..can you please
advise me on how to get him to be interested again? Oh, and I am no longer
with my boyfriend.
It’s not that he is not interested in you, it just that he didn’t know how to deal with the entire situation so therefore he shut down. It is often that when a man starts seeing or sleeping with a woman he really likes while she has someone else and they both agree to make it strictly sexual that he loses control of himself once he realizes that it is something he hasn’t expected. For instance, you two were sleeping together and I am sure he thought he would be able to keep his emotions in check and that the whole situation would be wonderful. When time came to share you with your boyfriend and keeping it within the restraints of the “friends with benefits” relationship rather than a formal relationship, he retreated. It is fully normal. It doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested, it only means that he didn’t know what else to do and breaking away from you and distancing himself would essentially make you feel bad for him and want to take care of him and eventually start something more serious.
He is Fragile. Approach with Caution
Now that you are no longer with your boyfriend, it will be much easier for you to get him to be interested in you once again. But you must look at things from his perspective. He was into you, he was emotionally attached, then you two were involved and I’m sure it was quite intimate in every sense of the word, and then you continued going back to your boyfriend. This obviously struck him as a stab at the heart, and so he made himself more removed from you. It’s a natural response. The problem now isn’t to get him to be interested in you, but to get him to trust you. You must realize that he hooked up with you when you were dating someone else, it would be normal of him to think that you have the ability to cheat on him if you ever took your relationship to the next level. He is in a fragile state of mind right now and it is upto you to make him feel comfortable and accepting. A perfect way of doing this is to make yourself irresistible to him. If you know certain things that he likes about you, for instance, the way you flirtatiously look at him in public or the way you smile at him that makes him feel special, make sure to do those things. I’m not certain what your thing is, but every couple has their own little “thing” that only the two of them really know about that gets them both feeling connected. Make him feel that connection with you and in turn make him feel like he is the only one you are interested in. Those minor moments of chemistry don’t only make him feel special, but it will make you irresistible to him. And when you are alone and talking without any emotional barriers that he may put up (such as not wanting to talk about where your relationship stands), tell him that you’re done with your boyfriend and you want to be only with him. A few kind words and a passionate kiss will be enough to turn him around and want you more than ever. Enjoy 😉