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A Fuck Buddy Can’t Replace a Boyfriend

20 February 2010 2 Comments

I went out with this guy for three months, and slept with him in that time.
He then split up with me, but then asked if we could become fuckbuddies. I
agreed because I missed him and the sex. We’ve been doing this for nine
months now. At first it wasn’t very different from us being in a proper
relationship, but about 7 months into us being fuckbuddies he fell for
someone else. She turned him down and we continued sleeping together. I got
very upset about him liking someone else, and I feel it has made me quite
clingy, and he is growing more distant. I can see this ending badly but he
has put up with so much from me (shit about the other girl, I have a rough
family situation I rely on him heavily for advice about, and my
clingyness)that I can’t believe it’s just about sex for him. I have been the
only women he has been with for well over a year. We were also sort of
together but not in a relationship (we kissed, cuddled, were very close but
no sexual activity) for four months before he asked me out, so it is not
unknown for him to not want to commit. I want more and have to say something
so I can stop being clingy and not drive him away because of it, but don’t
know how to go about it. I was thinking telling him I can’t sleep with him
anymore because I like him very much. This way I am making him work for it,
and he knows he won’t be knocked back if he wants to ask me out on a date,
and if he doesn’t respond well then at least I won’t get hurt any further.
He is my best friend and I see him every weekday at college so not talking
is not an option. How is the best way to deal with this situation?

I think you made a mistake by agreeing to becoming his fuck buddy when he decided to come out of the relationship. Being someone’s fuck buddy when you still have emotions for him really makes you vulnerable to getting hurt, which is what ended up happening when he starting liking a new girl. Now, telling him that you can’t sleep with him anymore because you like him wouldn’t make him work harder for it, because he already is looking around for new girls and this would just make him look even harder. My question though is, do you want him to be your boyfriend or do you want him to be your best friend. Because if you want him just as a friend then the best thing would be to talk to him about it. Tell him that you don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be sleeping with each other and you just want to be friends. But saying this and then expecting him to work harder for the sex and using it as a weapon will only make things more complicated and much worse in the long run. Instead of attracting him by making him work harder, you will deter him.

To get less clingy, I would advise that you actually try to mentally prepare yourself for this fuck buddy relationship. He clearly understands what a fuck buddy is supposed to be and he acts accordingly. You, however, are having a difficult time with it. You thought that if you agree to being his fuck buddy then you two will continue to act like a couple and he won’t feel tempted to go for other girls while he’s with you. I would suggest that you start treating him like a fuck buddy as well instead of pushing a one-sided relationship on him. Another thing you can do is be the one to try and make it official. Tell him that you thought you’d be able to handle a fuck-buddy relationship with him and see that it isn’t working out as well as you hoped and want to become more than that once again. If he rejects the proposition then you should look for another relationship. Try to find someone who is in fact looking to commit, because it is evident that you need a relationship with some closure and someone who will care enough to listen to your problems and try and give you advice (basically, a real boyfriend). I’d advise against finding someone who is looking for just a fuck buddy, because that will most likely end the same way as it did here.

I hope it works out and that after sorting out what it is you exactly want from him, you are able to communicate it with him.


  • Man Over Board said:

    I myself think Fuckbuddies are highly underrated. back when I used to have those type of friends, (ahh the good old days), you could always rely on hanging out and getting off and then falling asleep. 🙂
    .-= Man Over Board´s last blog ..10 Ultimate Girlfriend Mysteries — Solved! =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Man Over Board: I agree with you completely. People tend to overlook fuck buddy relationship when they can be the perfect thing for people at times. If you’re busy but tend to need to have a sex partner once in a while, it’s great to stick to a few fuck buddies that you can sleep with and not have to worry about sharing a co-dependence that arises when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend.

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