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A Little Caring Push

3 May 2010 No Comment

hello, i have a problem. I met this guy on a dating website, we met for 2
dates then we decided to just stay friend and still have a sexual
relationship because he wasnt ready for a relationship. Since then we have
had sex every now and then, but even after this he takes me out cinema and
to eat, i think I’m starting to like him more and more as i get to know him
better.. i recently had a new guy wanting to meet me and exchanged some
pics,.. I must have forgotten to delete this message and when i was with him
he checked my phone. He saw the message and asked me who he was and if i was
having sex with him. I said he was just a guy and sent him pics because I was
bored. He then started acting weird and that night he was very distant when
having sex and came quite quick…he usually takes much longer. Next day I
decided to send him a text clearing things up about the guy. He replied
saying that he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to keep having sex since we
have started working together on a networking website. I asked him if he
wanted to stop this but he keeps saying he’s not sure.. Bidaway hes 30 and I’m
19. i dont know how he feels and what he wants..and even though I act like I
dont care i really do. Please give me some advice. Thank you so much.


black streak
You said that it was he who wanted to just stay as friends with benefits rather than start a formal relationship with you, and then he gets jealous about the fact that you are talking to someone else. That seems a little bit immature on his part because he clearly tells you he doesn’t care for anything serious yet he does not give you the opportunity to meet other men. Either way, however, you are not even having sex with this other man and he still feels that he has the right to impose on who you speak to or share pitures with.

What’s on His Mind?

I think that the age difference definitely does play a role in his perception of the relationship you two share. He may be feeling a little bit insecure about the fact that you are so much younger than him and therefore he says that he is not ready to start anything serious with you. Nevertheless, his actions say something else, and that is he really does care for you more than just as a friend with benefits, since he still takes you out for food and movies. If you were just a girl he occasionally slept with, he most likely would not take time to treat you to dinner or whatnot and he would especially not get jealous over minor things such as you swapping pictures with someone else. So I think he is stuck in this sphere of self-denial that makes him feel a little bit uncertain about going out with a girl your age, but at the same time he is into you and would like to pursue something more serious with you.

Each Action has a Reaction

The fact that you act a like you don’t care too much about his feelings, you are reassuring his feelings of uncertainty. He may be thinking that since you don’t care too much that he should be on the same level of emotional indifference and therefore he says he doesn’t want a relationship. Furthermore, I believe if you were to act a little bit more caring and decisive with him then he would feel more accepted and return that same type of vibe. Now since he has told you he doesn’t think it is a good idea for you to continue having sex, you have to react the way he really wants you to and not how you may think he wants you to. In this instance you have to be the one to sort of push it. You must say that you do care about him and want to continue sleeping with him and going out as before and maybe even incorporate something extra (a formal relationship) if you are ready for that. I believe he is playing on the defense right now, but he really does not want to. He sounds like a very emotional person but insecure in the way he chooses to express those emotions, and it is up to you to pull those emotions out of him. Act caring and make him feel like you really enjoy his presence and not just for the sex, and he will ultimately open up more to you. I think it could turn out to be a long lasting relationship if you just stick with it and really work on getting him to be more frank with you while you express your care for his interests and more importantly, express care for him as a person.


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