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Am I Reading too Much into It?

20 April 2011 One Comment

Robby G, here I thought I would give it a shot and see if maybe you could help me
out. I’m in a friends with benefits relationship right now with a friend I
have known for just about 6 years now. We dated 2 years ago for a little
over 3 months and then he broke things off. We saw each other every once in
a while because we have mutual friends but we didn’t really talk anymore.
Then randomly on his birthday last August he sent me a text and we started
texting all the time for about a month and then at the end of October some
how we got talking about hooking up again with no strings attached. I was
totally down for it so we started hooking up and we still were texting
everyday. He backed off in December because “he felt like I was getting
attached” which wasn’t true, I hadn’t changed at all and I was fine with
things the way they were. So we stopped talking and we stopped hooking up
before Christmas. And then again randomly he started texting me again right
after Valentines day saying he missed how much “fun” we used to have and how
he missed me. So we got together and talked things out and once again agreed
that we would be just friends with benefits (I know probably stupid but he’s
great in the sack so what’s a girl to do). We’ve been hooking up about every
other week because our schedules don’t allow much time for anything else. I
don’t really text him a lot because I don’t want a relationship right
now and I don’t want him to freak out like last time, but he texts me good
morning every morning and he text me during the day and then goodnight when
he goes to bed. And then the other day we both had a free night and so we
had talked about getting together a few days earlier, but then the day we
were going to get together he sent me a text in the afternoon asking if I
wanted to go to a movie before hand. I agreed because we are friends but
then he showed up at my house and came up to the door to get me, he paid for
the movie and then for dinner after even though I tried to pay for myself,
and he held my hand the whole time and then after we had sex that night we
usually don’t cuddle or anything because I feel like it isn’t a good idea,
he just curled up and pulled me next to him so ended up spooning and he kept
kissing my shoulder and stroking my face, playing with my hair and he wanted
to talk.
I just don’t know what’s going on. He just wants to be friends with benefits
but then he goes and does all of these things that are sending me mixed
signals. Does he want something more or am I reading too much in to this?


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I don’t think you’re reading too much into this at all. All the signs of him wanting a relationship, or at least taking things further than a friend with benefits, are there. For instance, holding hands, spooning, taking you out to dinner and a movie, that’s more than just friendly acts, I must say. I feel like in the beginning it really was just a friends with benefits situation, but now ever since Valentine’s Day, he has began to want more. And it really all depends on what you want now and where you want to take it from here. I don’t think you should change the way you act towards him, and if you want to actually experiment with a formal relationship then keep treating him the way you currently are, and that’s as a friend with benefits, and with time he will reveal more and more hints at his desires to make things more official. After a couple of weeks though, either he will get back to texting you only when he wants to get together for a quickie, which I doubt, because I think he’s become more interested in you than before. Or, he will continue to message you more, want to take you out on formal dates, and will treat you more like his girlfriend rather than a friend, and that’s more likely to happen now that he’s been showing all the signs of a boyfriend.

You must remember that you have shared a long past together and as it appears, you are quite good at playing his friend with benefits without imposing any extra emotions on the relationship when you two agreed to not making things more intimate than they have to be. However, now that he has began to act more like a boyfriend, you may reconsider what it is you want and pursue your own interest. It seems like you’re in a perfect situation to decide if you want to spark a formal relationship with him, and because you already know so much about each other, it may actually not be a bad idea, of course, only if that is what you currently are looking for. After a couple of weeks, if he still continues to act as intimate as he does now, then you may want to ask him about his intentions. Be open, because you’re obviously both straight up with each other to speak freely and not play too many games. I’m saying wait a couple of weeks before you speak to him about because you really want to be sure. Don’t try to make it too serious of a talk, but discuss it as if you are discussing something casual, because under those conditions he will feel more comfortable to reveal the truth about his intents.

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