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Am I Wasting My Time with Him?

1 February 2011 2 Comments

So i’ve known my exes best friend for 8 years now. It’s been about a year now
that we have been flirting/kissing etc. One night we stayed the night
together and stayed in bed the next day for 12 hours straight! We laughed,
messed around and he said that much time together in bed has to be a world
record. The last night we stayed together we made out and stayed in bed the
next day for like 10 hours again. We cuddled and he kept asking what he
thinks his ex gf whom i used to be friends with and his best friend would
say if we dated. I kept telling him i don’t feel anything for any guy and
blah blah. So he might have taken that as me not being into him! He texted
me like 2 weeks ago and said i give him warm fuzzies. I was shocked! Then i
said kinda like i get when you walk in the room. He then texted back
*blushing* We haven’t really talked since!! Is he just playing with me and
not that into me?? The day we spent together he was saying i have a crush on
you today and that i’m his go to gf. He says he says that cuz i don’t
pressure him by asking where this is going like all the others. Oh and we
are both 30 years old! He is also a commitment phobe! Please help me!!! I
texted him tonight and asked if he wanted to get drinks tomorrow night. His
car broke down so he said he has to have company come to him til he gets his
car fixed. So i said that i would text him tomorrow after dinner to see if
he wants me to come over and keep him company. He said sure thing. I just
kinda feel stupid going over there if he’s not that into me. Please let me
know what you think and soon!! :(( I’m lost. Keep in mind my ex wouldn’t
care if we dated and his ex (my ex friend) is engaged. Thank you so much for
reading this. I would more than appreciate an answer!! Thanks again! :))

I don’t think there is any issue here really. The way you’ve painted the picture, it seems like he is very into you. Spending 10-12 hours in bed with a person isn’t just something you do for the hell of it if you’re not into that person. He’s definitely into you. But, I do advise that you don’t push it so much. Go ahead and call him up and if you said you’d call him after dinner, do it. But don’t make it so easy for him that you’re the one to be always calling. Check and see if he calls you if you don’t contact him for a day or so. This will show you if he’s just keeping you around as the girl he wants to have on the side, or if you’re actually his main girl that he wants to be with. Now that you know he likes you, you don’t have to be double-guessing and being so insecure when talking to him. For instance, instead of saying that you will text him tomorrow to see if he wants you to come over, just do it without mentioning it to him. Or, even better would be to wait it out and see if he invites you without you having to initiate it. Because there are times when the man acts nice just for the sake of not coming off as a jerk. I doubt that’s what’s happening here, because again he seems very into you and all your worry is simply wasted energy, but it’s just good to keep in mind that in a relationship there should be equal push and pull. If the girl or the man is always the one to initiate things such as conversation or set dates then it’s a one way relationship that does not maintain an equal effort of both people.

The fact that he hasn’t talked to you in 2 weeks at a given time strikes me as odd if you guys had such a great time, but then again you did mention that he isn’t too interested in commitments. I can say that he’s into you, but I can’t say that this is guaranteed to evolve into a formal long term relationship. You’re both 30 and you both have your own lives to live and obviously that means you both are busy with your own schedules, and this relationship that you two currently have feels like one of those that are just merely enjoying one another’s company and not really pushing towards anything very serious. Depending on where you want to take things, I feel like he will continue acting the way he has been, which isn’t necessarily bad.


  • MJ said:

    Thank you so much for your insight. You are right i’m wasting energy on worrying so much. We still talk and have spent a couple more 12 hr days together and had great times! I’m going to relax and see where it goes. I more than appreciate your advice. You’re great!! Thanks again! 🙂

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  • Jeremy said:

    Well, I don’t have any words of wisdom for you. but I am jealous. Let’s just say my love life has been a bit…. invisible… for the last 6 years. Good luck to you.

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