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Apple iPhone 3G 2 New Unmentioned Features

12 June 2009 3 Comments

This is a guest post written by the Anonymous Blogger from Probably Sucks – A blog that isn’t afraid to test the limits of free speech. With a mix of serious and entirely un-fact checked material. From Jews to poor people, nobody is spared.

Throw out your now dated iPhone 2G and even your iPhone 3G, the iPhone 3G 2 is on the way. A secret and trustworthy source of whom I am close to has revealed Apple is nearing towards the announcement of this phone, and accompanying iPod touches in a variety of flavours and memory capacities.

The first two phones are referred too internally by Apple as test market phones and the third is expected to be the first phone not referred too internally by Apple as a test phone. Rather referred to as a market domination and economic lifeboat phone by Apple. How I obtained this information is classified as the source is a friend who works for Apple.

What can I expect?

Expect to fork out a lot of money for this device. My source has informed me that the 3G 2 boasts many new improvements and a whole lot of features lacking from the first two phones Apple released.

  • An in-built compass which can be utilised by application store developers. One app rumored to be in development by Apple is a multiplayer treasure hunting application that will work on a global scale. Details are scarce on this application, it’s being kept under wraps fairly well.
  • Video recording and improved image quality of the camera. New filtering technology that detects if a possible child pornography video or image is being taken and stops it taking place is also incorporated at the request of the U.S government. A more serious multimedia phone contender.
  • RIAA Youtube Filtering. Integrated into the Apple software 3.0 update lies a hidden addition at the request of the RIAA (rumour), filtering technology that stops live concerts and copyright music from being recorded, photographed or filmed and uploaded to Youtube.
  • Child abduction tracking. Apple have incorporated a feature allowing parents to track their kids via their own iPhones or iPod Touches. This feature apparently even works when the phone is flat because it is powered by an internal battery.
  • Better battery life. The iPhone 3G 2 will boast extraordinary battery life capable of playing audio for 22 hours before requiring a battery charge. Couple this with constant application use and depending on the amount of load on the processor, battery life can drop to 14 hours or lower.
  • In-built Thermal Scanner. Commercialising on the success of Swine Flu, Apple have included a thermal scanner so you can scan your friends, work colleagues and family for Swine Flu. The app then reports to the WHO (World Health Organisation) when you’re connected to the Internet and sends them the results.
  • Missing features app. Want to know what features Apple is deliberately not including to it’s current lineup so that you will upgrade to future versions? “Missing Features” is an application that allows you too see what features Apple are planning to implement into future versions that you will need to pay for. Copy & Paste, etc.
  • Gloat app. Apple are completely aware of their smug following and now are starting to realize this. Apple are believed to be releasing an in-house application called “Gloat App”. This application allows you to gloat to those around you unable to afford an expensive Apple device. Perfect for the train or bus.
  • Turtle Neck Sweater app. Do you love Turtle Neck Sweaters as much as Steve Jobs does? Then get ready for a Steve Jobs inspired app coded in-house by Apple that displays a huge variety of Turtle Neck Sweaters in different sizes and colours, even some bonus shots of Steve Jobs are included. Multiplayer connectivity allows you to share and download new Turtle Neck Sweater images in realtime with other users from around the globe, except Mexico.

There are of course other many planned features, these are just the most interesting ones that nobody has mentioned anywhere yet. Be prepared to pay a hefty price, but this device sure seems like it’s worth it.

Check out Probably Sucks for more interesting blog posts and some entertainment for your boring pathetic life.

3 Comments »

  • Posts about Steve Jobs as of June 12, 2009 » The Daily Parr said:

    […] training and money, and assistance to allow … Unknown facts about Steve Jobs – sixpacktech.com Apple iPhone 3G 2 New Unmentioned Features – shiteilike.com 06/12/2009 This is a guest post written by the Anonymous Blogger from Probably […]

  • Georgine Makel said:

    just bought an iPhone 3G for my mom as a birthday present. she is very happy about her new iPhone.. “

  • Brett said:

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