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Attract the People You Want

18 November 2011 7 Comments

Ok so i met this guy 5 months ago. We went out on a couple of dates then we
started sleeping together. He ditched me twice before, in which case I cut
him off. Then like 2 weeks later he tells me he misses me (mind you I had
seen him go in his house with another girl b/c my friend lives a few blocks
down from him, but he doesn’t know that). So like an idiot I budged, saw him
again and started hitting it again. This time around no dates, only
straight to business then home. Then around his birthday I told him we
always just have sex and he said you’re right let’s hang out…so we started
hanging out and then having sex. We also started spending some sundays
together in bed watching movies, having sex, and just cuddling. Then in
public he would kiss me and put his arms around me and whatnot. Until This
past sunday I text him, there was no reply so I called…no answer. 15 mins
later he texts me saying “Don’t call me anymore I came back with my wife” i
said “ok, were you ever even separated?” no reply for 5 mins so i said “i
knew you were hiding something have a good life asshole” then he said “no
baby that wasn’t for you, that was for some girl that was bothering me ” i
said “whatever don’t talk to me anymore this is way too fishy” then he said
ok but called back to explain. I kinda calmed down and he said I’ll call you
back in a few, but didn’t call back until 3 days later! In which case I told
him to delete my number and do without me. He asked why,and I said
“sunday, i understand you’re doing you but i don’t need to know what you’re
doing on the side. big turn off” and he said “ok if that’s what you want then
ok”….Did I do the right thing? or should I have just stuck it out being
that he made it clear from the getgo he didn’t want a commitment “for now”.
Help! I’m stressing

Don’t stress this, you’re better off without him. Once there is history formed between two people, it is very hard if not impossible to reverse it and make it seem like everything is problem-free. I think that the situation was nearing its head for sometime now and when he told you to stop calling because he’s back with his wife, you did the right thing by telling him to piss off. Regardless whether or not he has a wife and if they are back together, you shouldn’t question yourself whether or not you did the right thing. You did. It’s simple as that. He told you to stop calling him and you got your last word in. If you go back on that word now and continue to call or message or even if you answer his calls to hear his “explanation” then you’re allowing yourself to be fooled again.

The best thing for you to do now is to avoid him, because there is no good to get out of this relationship, and you seem to have enough control over yourself now to do so even though you are stressing.

What’s the Next Move?

A lot of people do not get what they want out of relationships because they themselves have not thought about what it is they exactly want. Women and men both wonder why they get into certain situations which they don’t want to be in, and the answer is usually the same: You didn’t know what you wanted, so you got whatever came. If you want a long-term boyfriend and you have an idea of what type of guy would make a good boyfriend, then acknowledged that and naturally whenever you go out, you will attract those type of men to yourself just because you will cut out all of the types that do not make a good boyfriend out of your surroundings just within the first few minutes of talking to them. If you are looking for a one-night stand, that’s also not hard to find, as long as you know that that is what you want and you go out with that thought in mind.

I could speak through experience that when I used to go out, I knew that I didn’t want anything serious, so I would attract women that were also interested in the same things as me. We’d sleep around, whether it would be a one night stand or a stable fuck buddy relationship, and there would be nothing more between us than that. Then when I felt that I would like something more than that, a girl that would bring emotional support, I began to attract women that wanted a man that was going to be their boyfriend and not only a fuck buddy. So it really depends on what it is you want and not just what you can get that should motivate you whenever you’re out and there are potential partners around.

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  • Anne said:

    Couldn’t agree more. Men like him aren’t worth the stress and effort.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Anne: Thanks for your thoughts Anne.

    Reply to Comment

  • raquel said:

    I don’t know. Im ready for a relationship and I’ve never had one. I always attract the guys that don’t want commitment. I give up, I know I could make a greatt girlfriend or wife but Maybe its just not meant to be for me. It is what it is.

    Reply to Comment

    Dawn Reply:

    Raquel I can relate to you sometimes my dear.
    I think we just have not met the right people yet.
    When you meet someone you really like, you have an idea of what
    they are (all the things you wanted in a man)when really
    you don’t fully know them yet you can date someone for
    a year and not fully know who they are.
    But when you really like someone or love them you
    only choose to see what you want to see.
    You may have met some guys whom you are interested in
    and they may have rejected you.
    But things happen for a reason.
    Things that you also want to happen, happen when you
    least expect it.
    Love will come your way one day my dear. But I promise you
    if you continue to considerate on that “perfect relationship”
    you want so dearly. You will lose what is most important of all.
    Yourself who will be a great girlfriend or wife one day.
    And no matter what you are the one person that you have to put up with all your life boyfriend or no boyfriend.
    Wish you the best of luck my dear.
    And remember let your first love be self love.

    Reply to Comment

  • raquel said:

    And I’ve been rejected a lot…

    Reply to Comment

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