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Avoid Typical Fuck Buddy Mistakes

3 January 2010 15 Comments

I have been receiving many questions concerning fuck buddies and noticed that there is a pattern of mistakes that people make while in a fuck buddy relationship. Though there is usually a distinct line between a fuck buddy and a boyfriend/girlfriend, many seem to add features into the fuck buddy relationship which blur that division and that is usually when people end up getting hurt. In this post I will assess and describe the essential mistakes that people make and the final aim is to know what common mistakes fuck buddies make in order to avoid them.

Leave the Emotions at the Door

The number one mistake fuck buddies make when they are starting out is that they think that you don’t need any preparation when entering a fuck buddy relationship and that it’s great to have a woman/man to sleep with whenever you’re feeling like having sex. When they enter the relationship, they tend to completely disregard their own emotional state and do not realize how vulnerable they can actually be. You must be shallow when you’re approaching a fuck buddy situation. There is his or her looks that you must care about and whether or not you have a sexual attraction or chemistry towards your partner. All other emotions should be left at the door. There shouldn’t be any love making, just fucking. There shouldn’t be any discussion on “what do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend”, just “are you in the mood right now or should I call back another time”. There shouldn’t be any room in your heart for your fuck buddy. Though this seems cold, you must remember that this little mistake of adding an emotional element into the fuck buddy relationship always manifests into something greater and then if your partner isn’t on the same level of emotional attachment as you, it usually ends bad. This brings me to my next point.

It’s Just Sex

Many times people think they can handle having emotionless sex where nothing else but the sex drive is being satisfied, but sometimes after going at it for quite some time, they may get too close to their partner on a level that is beyond the main purpose of fuck buddies, which is sex. Remember, once you’ve slept with the fuck buddy, there is no need to go on dates of any kind except to the bedroom. Prior to becoming fuck Evelyn
buddies, it’s alright to go on dates, because many times you may like to get to know the person before ever sleeping with them. However, once you’ve slept together and you both are satisfied with just having sex without having a full blown relationship, then realize the fact that you must respect those boundaries you have created for yourselves. If you’re still going on dates after you’ve had sex, then you’re in a formal relationship. Dates mean that you enjoy spending time with that person without it having to always lead to the bedroom. And if there’s no sex yet you enjoy their presence, that proves that you like that person, thus you have broken the rule and you have attached emotions into the mix.

One Too Many Times

You must pace yourself with your fuck buddy. How many times a week can you really meet for sex to feel sexually satisfied? The reason you’re in a fuck buddy relationship is to relieve yourself sexually and not have to deal with the perks of a formal relationship. The only thing that calling your fuck buddy too many times to have sex will do is make them feel like you are thinking about them more than you ought to be; that you don’t have any other options to go to for sex; or that there is a possibility you are wanting to take things to the next level. Though you’re just meeting for sex, keep it balanced and don’t overdo it. Seeing your fuck buddy way too often can make you feel dependant on them for any sort of sexual relief. This can make you vulnerable to dependency and that usually leads to emotional attachment. So set some limits to how often you call your fuck buddy for sex. Keep a balance and don’t visit them too often.

Pursue New Opportunities

Having various fuck buddies is a great way to avoid any mistakes. Though you may not have the time for all of them, do not get locked up in just having one fuck buddy. I’ve had three, sometimes four, fuck buddies at the same time. I would usually favour one or two and sleep with them more than the others, but nonetheless I was still open to new opportunities with other women. It may get too hectic sometimes when you have too many girls, because if you don’t have the time for a formal relationship then more than likely you won’t have time for three fuck buddies. However, never close the door on new opportunities. Remember, you are not an exclusive couple and you have the freedom to sleep with other people. So just because you may have one fuck buddy, you shouldn’t stop yourself from hooking up with other people.

Explanations Are Unnecessary

Justifying yourself or feeling like you need to explain yourself to your partner is strictly for formal relationships. People who aren’t used to the idea of fuck buddies continue making the same mistake. They are so used to explaining themselves to their partners that if they go ahead and do something that would make their girlfriend/boyfriend jealous, then they incorporate that logic into their fuck buddy relationship. If your fuck buddy is questioning you about things then there is a problem. Also, you shouldn’t question your fuck buddy if they are sleeping around or if they are doing things you don’t approve of. They are free bodies and you have no rights over them. They have their complete freedom and there is no need for them to take you into account when they make decisions that concern themselves. It may sound selfish, but that is why fuck buddies are fuck buddies and not a girlfriend/boyfriend type couple.

I’m not trying to discourage people who would like to have a formal relationship with emotions and love, but only explaining the mistakes that people make once they agree to a fuck buddy relationship. And when one of the fuck buddies thinks their relationship is strictly sexual while the other believes they can handle it and don’t prepare themselves for it, then things tend to end on a bad note. It has happened to me where the fuck buddy arrangements were in place and we only met for sex, and though the woman knew what was going on, she allowed herself to get too close and that ended up with her getting really hurt. Of course, she blamed me, but I’m not in it to hurt anyone’s feelings. When the two of us are clear on the fact that we’re just interested in having sex each other without any other strings attached, then both should respect that fact and not have to make a big deal when one continues to see it as only a fuck buddy relationship while the other makes the mistakes mentioned above and treat the situation like there is something more to it than the sex.

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15 Comments »

  • Kisha said:

    I love you take on the whole “fuck buddy” situation. I have had one for the past 20 years and it’s great. We are friends first and then fb’s. It’s never been a problem for either one of us. We live 2 states away from each other and still hook-up when we see each other. The best of both worlds. Keep it up.
    .-= Kisha´s last blog ..2009 in Review =-.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    January 3rd, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    @Kisha: That sounds like quite an arrangement you’ve got going. It seems perfect because he’s in a different state and you don’t get too deeply involved due to the distance. Thanks for the support. I’ll keep writing as long as people keep reading, that’s my arrangement with my readers :)

    Reply to Comment

    # 3 January 2010 at 1:02 pm
  • Flowrdian said:

    Ok so your off your rocker bro girls need emotional attachment to feel good about them selves in a f/b relationship.
    I might jus be on my iPhone doing this but fo-real every body wants to feel good about themselves but they want to leave the drama at the door not the emotional attachment. That why we have f/b’s to feel good about ourselves we as human beings need to be comforted by others your f/b mistakes are jus some way of expressing your feelings and can’t be taken seriously or with any meaning of respect…… It’s a bunny
    (\_/)
    (x.x)
    (UU)o

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    @Flowrdian: It may be that some people look for different things in a f/b relationship, because if someone is emotionally stable and doesn’t feel the necessity to get attached yet require sex once in a while, they get themselves a f/b rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. I know what you’re saying with girls needing emotional attachment, and I’ve had girls who said they were okay with just being fuck buddies when in reality they wanted more than that. But more times than not I’ve had girls who were happy without any emotional attachment, just an occasional fuck–and that’s a true f/b.

    Thanks for the bunny. Cheers!

    Reply to Comment

    Flowrdian Reply:
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Your right my bad for fussing you your on the topshelf advice.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    @Flowrdian: Bah, no worries, I love hearing people’s opinions. All the best, mate.

    Reply to Comment

    Flowrdian Reply:
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Could u email me I would like to convo more often directly……… emptygunn@gmail.com if it’s cool with you btw I’ve been doing this the whole time on my fone…

    Reply to Comment

    # 24 January 2010 at 2:31 am
  • Muks said:

    Really liked reading your post!

    Reply to Comment

    # 20 February 2010 at 3:39 am
  • Candy cane said:

    What if u and ur fb have an agreement? As in if either of us hook up with anyone else we tell each other because of the fact that we have unprotected sex? My fb and I agreedto do that and he lied to me.I feel I have a right to mad. He told methe onlyreason we wouldn’t get to be in a formal relationship is becuz he says I’m too sneaky. I really started to like this guy, and he said he was starting to like me too. I’m so sad right now I caughthim with the girl and he lied straight to my face. Is it wrong thati feel this way?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    April 16th, 2010 at 9:34 am

    @Candy cane: In this case you definitely have the right to be mad, because you had an agreement and he deceived you. In times of an agreement, you expect certain things from your fuck buddy and if breaks that agreement than you cannot trust him to be honest again. So you should be mad, because he should have told you that he didn’t want the agreement you had in the beginning. And beyond that, you’re taking a risk by having unprotected sex, so you surely have the right to know if the girls he’s sleeping with on the side don’t have anything you can contract.

    Reply to Comment

    # 16 April 2010 at 3:50 am
  • Jay Cee said:

    I’m in a fb relationship with my neighbor! When we first started doing things I was unaware that he still saw his ex-girlfriend on the side. When he told me we laid down some ground rules and what our expectations were for the relationship. He would take me out on dates for about a month and a half before we actually had sex. The sex is great, and I really enjoy it. However, I feel like he does spend more time with his ex than me. It doesn’t make me jealous and it wouldn’t be a problem except whenever I’m down to have sex he is usually too tired and it always has to be on his time. I think that comes from him not managing his time well. I’m almost always shut down when I want to have sex, and we really only do it when he wants it. Do you think this is a fair fuck buddy relationship?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    May 5th, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    @Jay Cee: They truth is, it is sort of odd that you pressed on a fuck buddy relationship yet you went out for a month and a half before you actually had sex. However, now that you are fuck buddies and he is sleeping with his ex-girlfriend and barely has time for you, it is definitely unfair. This fuck buddy relationship is unhealthy because you are there for him whenever he wants to sleep with you, but when you want any, he may be too tired just because he is sleeping with his ex more than with you. I think you should reassess your needs and look for someone who is more caring of your needs than your current fuck-buddy. So for the time being stay with him, but you should surely keep your options open and find someone that cares for your needs more, and then once you find someone new, then break it off with this one who clearly cares about his needs much more than yours.

    Reply to Comment

    # 5 May 2010 at 4:42 am
  • Newbie said:

    hi,
    so i met this guy through a friend and ever since we met we have been flirting. he would text me every single day, and we would talk till 3 am. monday he picked me up from school, and took me all the way to hollywood to his friends house because that was the only empty house he knew of, and we fucked…3 times. he texted me later that day asking me how it was and that he wanted to do it again soon. …now he wont text me at all…. what the hell? what does this mean?

    Reply to Comment

    # 29 July 2010 at 10:54 pm
  • sarah said:

    hi,

    me and my friend became “fuck buddies” it started a few months back, we never actually stated how we felt before we started. we would enjoy spending time with each other and it did not always end up in the bedroom, we also both spent time with each others famlies, we relaise now that was a mistake, as i started to have feelings for him and thought he may want something more serious.
    as it turns out he doesn’t and a few weeks back we both decided maybe its best if we stay just friends.
    but he has been texting and talking like he wants it to be how it was again.
    i realise were i stand with him this time around, and i do still want him as a fb, but scared incase i can’t cope and start feeling the way i did, but at the same time i’m not sure i want a serious relationship at the moment, do u think that if we state some rules and both agree to them, it could work?

    Reply to Comment

    # 6 August 2010 at 12:25 pm
  • Chi said:

    I had a F/B for 2 yrs. until 2 months ago. Known him for 10 yrs. we play the same sports & know the same people. I got with him because I was lonely after my 10 yr. real relationship fell apart. My f/b is a player, many of the women I knew & he got one pregnant 7 yrs ago. We used a condom in the beginning then stopped cause the condom kept coming off inside me, so I started using the sponge for a while. I decided not to see him anymore because we argued all the time, the only time we weren’t arguing is when we’re having sex. He says No matter how much we argue you always come back. I knew he was having sex with other women & it didn’t bother me cause I had another f/b for almost 20 yrs (on & off).

    Well, 2 months ago I found out I was pregnant (he always cums inside me) with twins & told him I’m having an abortion, he said let him know when I’m going. Then he was calling wanting sex, I ignored him, I couldn’t deal with becoming pregnant. After the procedure, I said if you want to continue having raw sex with me you have to use a condom with other women OR I will still see you & we use a condom. He agreed we do it raw. I had sex with him 3 wks later & he says during sex, “Why do I like his d**k so much?” & I couldn’t answer him, then he says, “Were you going to leave this d**k?” I didn’t hear him, he repeated & I said, “no”, he says, “Are you ever going to leave this d**k?” I looked at him & said softly & lovingly, “no”. Well, a couple of days later I found out he had sex with my friend’s sister without a condom. I told my friend & she told her sister that he was seeing a girl. Now my ex- f/b calls me a rat since I told my friend.

    I would like to know if he misses me or thinking of me because I miss him very much. I know we won’t be f/b’s anymore but would like to know if f/b’s have feelings for one another.

    Reply to Comment

    # 22 August 2010 at 10:40 pm

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