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10 August 2010 2 Comments

Hey Robby,
So I REALLY need your help, so I hope and it’s kind of a long story.
I’ve known thus guy for almost a year now, we were pretty chill friends
and on February 13th we started sleeping together but prior to that we
hooked up a couple times. But on actual Valentine’s day he did text or
call me but the next day he texted me and told me he didn’t say HAPPY
VALENTINES because he was busy doing homework. I already knew he was full of
it and I didn’t care because all I wanted to do was fuck him basically and
I also wanted to get back at him for sleeping with one of my really good
friends months prior when I liked him, so my plan was to sleep with him and
dump him.
Up until April, I was playing the game well, it was ONLY about the sex, but
then in early May I caught strep throat during finals week and he stayed in
my room the whole week to take care of me and even got sick with
me…here’s where the problems started, I started to have emotions for
him, and even when he forgot my birthday 2 weeks later and blamed me, I
liked him even more. In early July he went through this phase where he was
SUCH AN ASS to me and I actually broke it off, but then he wrote me this
really long letter saying how he had feelings for me.
Even though he was really mean to me and sent me into tears I decided to
start sleeping with him again, but my feelings for him turned extremely
cold, now we’re practically dating but without the title because he “has to
focus on school” but I recently heard from other friends he’s been
sleeping with other girls. But he tells me how much he REALLY likes me. So
now its early August and he’s starting to be an ASS again and I have NO
IDEA why, and quite frankly I don’t care, I’m so tired of going through
the ups and downs and the emotions with a person I DON’T want to sleep
with anymore, so my question is HOW DO I BREAK IT OFF WITH A FUCK BUDDY WHO
P.S—I don’t even know if I can say emotionally attached because the
perfect name for him is Mr. Unavailable, I want to end the sex with him and
remain friends, for my sanity. I have no clue how it went from me Just
wanting to fuck him, to me wanting revenge, to me loving him, to me
disliking him, and then to me just wanting to get rid of him all in a matter
of 9 months. I’ll never bring emotions into a fuck buddy relationship

Thanks Robby!

I can sort of sense that you still have feelings for him, because with this huge rollercoaster of emotions you’ve felt towards him, you shouldn’t want to still remain friends with him after breaking things off, but you’d probably want to cut all ties with him. Either way though, if you honestly want to stop seeing him as a fuck buddy but still maintain a friendship then there are a few things you can do.

Show and Tell

First you will have to make sure not to give into any temptation that you may have towards him when you guys meet up. Just like you said at the end of your question, you shouldn’t let emotions affect your judgement anymore, so start off now. If he will try to get to sleep with you again, tell him you’re not into it anymore, and if he questions you about it, tell him that you rather be just friends. He’ll probably be persistant, and that’s when you’ll have to act a little surprised and somewhat freaked out by his persistance. “Why do you want to hook up so much? I told you I rather just be friends.” Make him feel like he’s missing something here and that his actions aren’t cute or appealing but desperate and unattractive. You have to show him that your decision to just be friends isn’t anything major and that as if it was inevitable. Also, after you get it through to him that you just want to be friends, don’t bring up the subject of the past that you’ve shared, but instead act like you’ve never even slept together. Talk and act with him like you would someone who you’ve never slept with and have only been close friends with. This will initially confuse him slightly, but he will get to see that you’re serious about not wanting to continue sleeping with him and that friendship is as far as you’ll go with him now. Though he is emotionally attached, he will stop pursuing you in that way once you have stabbed at his pride by telling him that his attempts at trying to hook up with you make him look desperate. If you keep your composure and not break into his “charm” or continual attempts to hook up with you then he will realize there is no more sex there for him unless of course he is the type that is willing to completely kick to the curb any self-respect he may have just to have another try at you. And to me he doesn’t sound like the type to lose all self-respect and allow his pride to be walked all over on just to sleep with you again.

Of coure, if he decides to cut off being friends with you because you don’t want to have sex with him anymore, confront him about it by asking him if he only wanted to hang out with you for the sex, and now that you’ve chosen to remain friends he isn’t interested anymore? In that situation you will have to turn the tables and make him feel like the jerk who is only interested in sex and cannot hold a normal friendship with a girl when there isn’t any sex involved. Play it from there and see how it goes.


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  • Janet Armstrong said:

    Once you go down the “with benefits” road, it’s tough to revert to “without benefits” w/o one person or the other getting bent out of shape about it.

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