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Be Sincere and be Honest

12 October 2010 No Comment

hey robby found your blog and i love it …i can totally understand your
advice and i feel it’s very accurate…so ok i was dating this guy and one
day he told me to call his cousin, he was drunk ..so i did and eventually the
cousin and i started to be friends behind my boyfriends back and he was
married. i met up with him on my birthday. My bf was in jail and we were
flirting like crazy and the next time we chilled we had sex..and at one
point when me and my bf broke up for 6 months, we started seeing each
other more. He told me he loved me and i did also and we even tried having a
baby together….but i got back with my bf and stopped calling him and that
left him heartbroken…so now we are both single and txt everyday all day
and see each other once a week for our fun..but im getting feelings for him
and he says why can’t we just let things happen naturally and see where
things go. He shows affection but now we barely speak about things that have
to do with us getting to know each other and after we have sex we chill for
a little bit but he takes me back home and when we are done i feel used like
that’s all he wanted…idk if hes acting this way becuase i hurt him before,
if he has feelings for me or not..whenever i truly need him he’s there for
me always and the other day he came to my house with his friend and he said
we had to kiss on the cheek…which is fine becuase my family doesn’t know
but i was shocked that he did it in front of his friend considering my
family was inside…but he also says he doesn’t want to share me with nobody
and that i should cover up my tattoo with his cousin’s name. He does little
stuff like when i said i was in the mood and that i would take care of it
he said what do u mean..so i told him i had a toy he said oo ok good so im
just getting all these mixed signals please help

You’re in a really tough situation, I must say. Not only because he’s giving you mixed signals and is treating you like a friend with benefits when you shared such a close tie months before, but also because he doesn’t open up to you and clearly tells you what he wants. I was in a situation once when my brother dated a girl and after they broke up, I began to see her. Though there was no betrayal here, what I found to work best was to be honest with everyone. I think that he did not want to show his friend that you and him have something going on because maybe he has not told his cousin yet and he may not want his friend spreading the news to him. In your position, it would be best to ask him if it is alright to tell some people that you are seeing together. Do not reveal the fact that you have shared a history that dates back to when you and your exboyfriend (his cousin) were together, but at least say that you found a new interest in each other now. Also, you may want to ask him why he is so much colder to you now compared to before when you were ready to even have a child together.

Prove to Him Your Loyalty

You may also be onto something when you say that he may be acting this way because you have hurt him in the past. He may be trying to keep himself slightly protected from you, shielded even, because the last time he got close you basically erased him from your life. Then once your relationship did not work out with your ex, you came back to him. He is showing you that he’s not just some guy you can come and leave from at any time you choose. You must prove to him your loyalty and that you will not leave him if something more convenient comes along again. Try taking a little more control of your relationship and organize the dates more structuredly. Be the one to invite him to dinner or lunch, and find out what he likes and do something nice for him. Try being there for him more and show him that this time you do seriously want a more formal relationship with him and you do not want it to be kept secret anymore. Being honest and communicating the honest, I think is key in your situation.

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