Be that “Something Extra” in His Life
Hi Robby, I am in quite a confused state with how to handle the situation I
am in with a guy I have been seeing.
We had met months ago through a dating site and for reasons unknown to me he
just disappeared on me. I re-connected with him by email because I am the
type of girl who doesn’t like to leave things unsaid or unfinished. I put it
out there that I was willing to be friends and let bygones be bygones for
him disappearing on me. We met. And well, the friends thing didn’t
happen. It was like no time had passed. We agreed to start dating again and
this time started sleeping together. We hadn’t before because just about
when I had decided that I was ready to take it to that level he went and
disappeared on me.
Since we have started dating again we only communicate through texting and
at one point there was so much mis-communication between us that we were
spinning wheels about something – an argument of sorts. I got so fed up that
I ended up texting him that we should go for coffee or something to talk
because we were spinning wheels not solving anything through text and to let
me know when was good for him and I wasn’t going to text him until he
agreed to this. He texted back sometime later asking me why I was being so
quiet (as I had broken communication with him after the text I sent). I
re-sent the msg about meeting. Well, he put walls up and said “Forget it.
It’s not going to work” and “I keep expecting something extra from you
and I am still waiting”. He won’t explain what he means by something
extra when I ask. Maybe I am just not getting something he is trying to tell
me…but I can’t be that dense, can I?
Anyway, it has been three weeks since I have laid eyes on him…He doesn’t
seem so inclined to see me, but when I text him he responds which is
something because I half expect him to disappear on me.
I am not sure where his head is at let alone what he means by expecting
“something extra.” I am not sure if he is worth all this trouble, but I
don’t not want the opportunity to find out. Can you give me some feedback
on how to approach this and what he means by expecting “something extra”
from me? Thanks!!
I’m pretty sure that by “something extra” he meant a girl that is more level headed and cool about things. The problem isn’t necessarily with you not being able to ‘get’ him but in the fact that there is severe mis-communication between you two. You are trying to approach this with a little seriousness and formality which is fine, and basically trying to make things work, while he on the other hand does not seem to care too much whether it works out or not between you. “Something extra” also means that you aren’t doing anything that makes you stand out from other women. With that I mean that he is probably saying that you may be trying a little too hard. Guys often times love the chase a lot, and if the girl is the one trying to make things work more than the man then it gives him the idea that she is somewhat desperate. I am not implying that you are desperate, but the fact that you are giving him the satisfaction of being the one to initialize the texting conversation or you are the one to call him to set up a time to meet, makes him feel like you are coming on too strong.
Toss in the Bait
In my opinion, the best thing for you to do at this time is to play a one step forward, two steps back sort of game with him. It is of course upto you to decide whether or not you are wasting time on this guy, but if you want to try and lure him in and have him think that you do have that something extra, then you must entice him and take him for a little bit of a ride. Wait a few days and if you haven’t received a text, then send him a casual text asking how he’s doing. He will respond, then take upto thirty minutes to respond back to him. Try to get him to prolong the conversation and be the one to ask questions. Do not mention meeting up, just be as friendly as possible without any hint at wanting to see or date him. Also, make sure not to start any drama, and if he says something that makes you feel like an argument, laugh it off and send a wink with a cute comeback. Make sure to let him be the last one to send the text when the conversation is coming to an end. Then wait a few more days before texting him again and repeat the process. If he asks you to go out then tell him you have plans that day but maybe next time. If he’s the first to initiate the text conversation then give him short, direct answers. This way you are alowing the contact to remain, but you take two steps back by not really pushing at anything more than what seems to be a friendship. Make him confused about whether you like him as a boyfriend or just as a friend now. When you go out with him, act friendly and at the same time flirty, but try to restrain from anything sexual. Whatever you do try to restrain from any form of argument and take it real easy. Men love women who seem muh more level headed and content than them. I think that my post on the 10 things I look for in a girlfriend may help you out as well to see what a lot of men like in their woman.