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Become More Than Just Friends

23 March 2009 7 Comments

Hey Robby G,

I have a question that I think applies to a lot of guys not only myself. I have been talking to this girl for a little while and we’ve become pretty close, but close as friends. How can I make a transition from being just her friend to more with her? Hope you can help.

This is a problem many men have when it comes to women. They start talking to them, getting close, thinking they’re doing all the right things, and even though they’re progressing their relationship, there’s one problem: their relationship is progressing in the wrong way. Now if you two have become friends where you call each other up “just to talk” and meet up for drinks or whatever, sometimes just the two of you and sometimes with a bigger group, my number one suggestion in this situation would be to make sure if you’re just friends.

It might be helpful to look at going from just a friend to more than that in a procedural form.

1. Make Sure

First, you’ve gotta make sure that she actually only likes you as just a friend. It might be that she feels the same way for you as you do towards her and even though it may be a little tricky to figure it out, there’s still a way. To do this you must provoke some sort of conversation about another girl. Talk about past relationships, talk about “some new girl” one of your mates is dating and you thought she’s cute but really not your type, ask her what she looks for in a guy, etc. Try to pick up any hint of either jealousy, slight frustration, or indifference. If you see she’s sort of jealous when you’re talking about other girls, then I can imagine she’s sort of into you. If she’s frustrated that you’re asking her what kind of guys she’s into then you’re clearly missing out on the fact that she likes you and that you’re an idiot for not picking up on it. And if she’s totally indifferent to the conversation of what girls you’ve dated or indifferent in sharing her thoughts on her liking of blonde haired, blue eyed Europeans, then she definitely only thinks of you as a friend.

2. Distance Yourself

Once you’re sure that you two are just friends, do the somewhat difficult task of distancing yourself from her. Start by not calling her “just to talk” and try not to come out with her as often as you did before. Give her some excuses like you’ve got some work you’ve gotta finish up. This way you give her the chance to reassess her relationship with you and give her the chance to realize how important you truly are to her. Once you notice that her calling frequency dies down a bit, that’s when you’ll need to move on to the next step.

3. Little Change

Timing is everything. Once you’ve noticed that she isn’t calling you as often as she used to, it’s important to get back into the scene. This means that she has been missing you and has been calling you, but because she’s not calling as often anymore, this means that she’s slowly starting to get used to the lack of your presence. Now it’s time to come back and be cooler than ever. Call her up, meet with her, and act like something has changed. You don’t need to start acting like a different person or anything, all you’ll need to do is act a little more ambivalent. What do I mean by being ambivalent? Act somewhat careless towards her–somewhat arrogant. Ignore her questions at times, do something inconsiderate like don’t ask her if she wants to go to a certain place, but drive there anyways just because you want to go. Make sure she notices that little difference in you. It’s not a bad idea to even act a little eccentric. Just don’t overdo it.

4. Make Subtle Suggestions

Now that she’s noticed a little change in you, she’ll probably think that you’ve got some mixed feelings about something. She’ll notice that something is bothering you, but you shouldn’t give away the reasoning behind it. It’s time to get her to flip. Once you’ve been acting all “weird” that day, make sure to calm down by the end of the night and act more subtly sensual. Now by that I mean, look deeply into her eyes when she’s talking, or when the two of you are walking on the sidewalk, smoothly move her by her waist to the side of the sidewalk that’s further from traffic. Make sure you’re doing subtle moves without any jokingness in them. Act like a true gentleman who is taking care of his woman when you’re doing them. She’ll notice that even though you’re being friendly, you’ve somewhat changed into a more gentleman-type man who she may see wanting to be more than just friends with. Then it’s just a matter of time until you’ll notice an opportunity where you can make your move.

One more quick suggestion: If your step one of this process presents that she’s sort of into you, then there are a few ways you can close the deal. Go out with her, start drinking, once you’re both loosened up, pick up on any opportunity where you’re both enjoying yourselves (like out walking around the street while smoking after having your drinks) and don’t be hesitant. Start by holding her hand during the walk and then if you see she’s into the whole thing, just be smooth and make a move.

Hope that helps. Cheers!


  • Darren said:

    This is great. Quite longer than your previous posts but that just makes it more insightful. I can see you’ve put a lot of thought into your answer. I can see this being useful for lots of guys.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Darren: Yeah, I did put some thought into answering this one. A lot of guys are in the situation simply because they don’t know how to get out of it and I really needed to post an advice that would actually work. Hopefully the anonymous questioner will pull this one off. Cheers!

    Reply to Comment

  • Drake said:

    My friend is in that exact position. He keeps telling me about this girl he likes but she only views him as a friend. It’s funny and sad to see his struggle at the same time. lol I’ll be sure to navigate him to this post. Nice post Robby.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Drake: Tell him all about it mate. Stop his suffering! lol

    Reply to Comment

  • Donald said:

    Very insightful. It is the hardest thing in the world to move out of the friendship zone. I wrote an article myself on my blog, because I was in pretty much that situation just a week ago! Anyway, the lesson I learned is that if you are interested in anything more than friendship from the ONSET, make sure she knows it. Women never get offended by a man courting her. It’s pleasant and a nice compliment. If she doesn’t want more than friendship, she’ll make sure you got the message, and that in a pretty decent and nice way.

    I enjoyed your blog, go on like that!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Donald: Thanks. You’re right, guys need to be upfront about it from the start, but for my anonymous answer seeker he required help once he was already in the friend-zone.
    Glad you’re enjoying my blog.

    Reply to Comment

  • Anonymous said:

    Well, I’m a female reading this and you have to be careful if you are going to play a game like that. If I think of you as a friend, chances are that’s all I will think of you as and I will MAKE IT CLEAR that I think of you as only a friend. There is a guy I like now and we are in the ‘getting to know you’ stage that is pretty much friends. If he got distant on me, like you suggest, I would assume that he didn’t like me and give up on him. So, while I understand your desire to know if a girl likes you or not, you should just ask her. If she likes you, then it’s a piece of cake, if not, you’ll hopefully still be friends. As hard as you try, you are not going to be able to ‘manipulate’ her into liking you. Even if you seem to be succeeding, a relationship built on that foundation won’t last.

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