Become More Than Just Friends
Hey Robby G,
I have a question that I think applies to a lot of guys not only myself. I have been talking to this girl for a little while and we’ve become pretty close, but close as friends. How can I make a transition from being just her friend to more with her? Hope you can help.
This is a problem many men have when it comes to women. They start talking to them, getting close, thinking they’re doing all the right things, and even though they’re progressing their relationship, there’s one problem: their relationship is progressing in the wrong way. Now if you two have become friends where you call each other up “just to talk” and meet up for drinks or whatever, sometimes just the two of you and sometimes with a bigger group, my number one suggestion in this situation would be to make sure if you’re just friends.
It might be helpful to look at going from just a friend to more than that in a procedural form.
1. Make Sure
First, you’ve gotta make sure that she actually only likes you as just a friend. It might be that she feels the same way for you as you do towards her and even though it may be a little tricky to figure it out, there’s still a way. To do this you must provoke some sort of conversation about another girl. Talk about past relationships, talk about “some new girl” one of your mates is dating and you thought she’s cute but really not your type, ask her what she looks for in a guy, etc. Try to pick up any hint of either jealousy, slight frustration, or indifference. If you see she’s sort of jealous when you’re talking about other girls, then I can imagine she’s sort of into you. If she’s frustrated that you’re asking her what kind of guys she’s into then you’re clearly missing out on the fact that she likes you and that you’re an idiot for not picking up on it. And if she’s totally indifferent to the conversation of what girls you’ve dated or indifferent in sharing her thoughts on her liking of blonde haired, blue eyed Europeans, then she definitely only thinks of you as a friend.
2. Distance Yourself
Once you’re sure that you two are just friends, do the somewhat difficult task of distancing yourself from her. Start by not calling her “just to talk” and try not to come out with her as often as you did before. Give her some excuses like you’ve got some work you’ve gotta finish up. This way you give her the chance to reassess her relationship with you and give her the chance to realize how important you truly are to her. Once you notice that her calling frequency dies down a bit, that’s when you’ll need to move on to the next step.
3. Little Change
Timing is everything. Once you’ve noticed that she isn’t calling you as often as she used to, it’s important to get back into the scene. This means that she has been missing you and has been calling you, but because she’s not calling as often anymore, this means that she’s slowly starting to get used to the lack of your presence. Now it’s time to come back and be cooler than ever. Call her up, meet with her, and act like something has changed. You don’t need to start acting like a different person or anything, all you’ll need to do is act a little more ambivalent. What do I mean by being ambivalent? Act somewhat careless towards her–somewhat arrogant. Ignore her questions at times, do something inconsiderate like don’t ask her if she wants to go to a certain place, but drive there anyways just because you want to go. Make sure she notices that little difference in you. It’s not a bad idea to even act a little eccentric. Just don’t overdo it.
4. Make Subtle Suggestions
Now that she’s noticed a little change in you, she’ll probably think that you’ve got some mixed feelings about something. She’ll notice that something is bothering you, but you shouldn’t give away the reasoning behind it. It’s time to get her to flip. Once you’ve been acting all “weird” that day, make sure to calm down by the end of the night and act more subtly sensual. Now by that I mean, look deeply into her eyes when she’s talking, or when the two of you are walking on the sidewalk, smoothly move her by her waist to the side of the sidewalk that’s further from traffic. Make sure you’re doing subtle moves without any jokingness in them. Act like a true gentleman who is taking care of his woman when you’re doing them. She’ll notice that even though you’re being friendly, you’ve somewhat changed into a more gentleman-type man who she may see wanting to be more than just friends with. Then it’s just a matter of time until you’ll notice an opportunity where you can make your move.
One more quick suggestion: If your step one of this process presents that she’s sort of into you, then there are a few ways you can close the deal. Go out with her, start drinking, once you’re both loosened up, pick up on any opportunity where you’re both enjoying yourselves (like out walking around the street while smoking after having your drinks) and don’t be hesitant. Start by holding her hand during the walk and then if you see she’s into the whole thing, just be smooth and make a move.
Hope that helps. Cheers!