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Being Harsh for a Good Cause

2 June 2010 2 Comments

I have been with my FB/FWB for a little over a year. We both are in
relationships but oddly enough my FB/FWB is friends with my boyfriend. I
think its possible he has feelings for me but can’t get him to admit it. In
a weak drunken moment he said he couldn’t get too involved because of the
situation. He gets very jealous if he thinks I’m messing around with other
guys. I told him I have feelings for him but accept it will likely never be
more than it is. He would compare me to his GF both sexually and personally.
I’ve tried to end it many times but we both keep going back to the same
routine. Any advice you have would be great!

I’m not one to judge, but since you’ve come to me for advice, I’ll say what I believe, and I have to say I do not respect men who go behind their friends’ backs to sleep with their woman. Getting that out of the way, I’d say that it would probably be best to end it for your and your man’s sake, because you can not tell how deep this will go if you continue this deception. This even goes beyond a love triangle, but there are four people in the mix, and that’s not even including your children (which you mentioned in a separate email) that can get hurt due to your behaviour.

Make the Right Decision

I know you know the difference between right or wrong and I’m not here to give a lesson on morality or ethics, but I will say that you have to make a decision that you personally feel is right by you. If you’re coming to me for advice, that certainly means you are not happy with your current situation, so you must choose a path that will make you feel happy. Ignore everyone and everything and think about what you would want right now. Would you be happy with leaving your boyfriend to start a relationship with your fuckbuddy who currently still has a girlfriend? That’s another risk, because there is no guarantee that he will leave his girlfriend for you. Also, this will mean that you and your current boyfriend will be on bad terms and so will your fuckbuddy and him because he betrayed his own ‘friend’. I’m sure you’ve taken all of these outcomes into consideration, but the best way to approach this would be rationally rather than emotionally. Since your boyfriend is not aware of your unfaithfulness, I would suggest that you keep him in the dark but also tell your fuckbuddy that you cannot continue this relationship. And then go back to how everything was, and if over time you decide that your boyfriend is unsatisfactory then you can leave him as well in search of someone else, and maybe even one day rekindle with your fuckbuddy publicly, but only after you have officially left your boyfriend.

How to Break this Off?

To break off your relationship with your fuckbuddy, I would suggest that you tell him honestly that you think this cannot end well if you continue your actions and you must take a break from even seeing or calling him. After you break up, take a break from him. Do not call or text him, ignore any of his attempts to connect with you, and make him feel that you really are over him and that there is nothing there for him anymore. In this case you really should be harsh with him and show him that it’s not only over, but there is no chance of him to re-enter your life in that way. Pulling this 180 degree turn on him will demonstrate to him that you are not the same person he thought you were and it will at first make him angry, but later on he will cool off and move on. He must not only think it’s over because it’s the right thing to do, but he must feel that you dislike him for what he had gotten you into. I know it sounds cold, but this is the only way to make him want to move on and not return to you. If you keep being kind to him then he will always maneuver back into sleeping with you. Then once you are harsh enough with him and completely block him out of your life, and tell him that you’re completely over him each time he tries to get back with you, and hold your ground, then he will over time stop attempting to reignite what you shared. Try to keep your mind off him and in fact try to spend more time with your boyfriend and keep yourself busy with a new hobby or work. In the beginning it may be a little bit difficult to overcome the lack of excitement or whatnot that you were attracted to, but it will pass with time and with a good deal of new interests. Hobbies work best to keep your mind off what you will be missing, and I know it sounds easy enough to do but it will require a lot of perseverance on your part to keep your guard up and not slip back into the traps of a fuckbuddy. I wish you all the best, and remember that the most important thing is to be truthful with yourself.


  • M said:

    Thanks Robby for answering my question. Its been a tough road but tonight I broke it. This has been one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. Thank you!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @M: I know it’s tough, but it will be best in the long-run. Just remember to stay strong now and try to find something fun to occupy your time. All the best.

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