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Both Fuck Buddies Looking for Something More

12 June 2010 6 Comments

I met this guy two months ago and we instantly clicked. We have a lot in
common and get along great. About a week after we first went out we started
messing around. The sex was awesome and it did not seem to complicate things
until now. We both made it clear, at the start, that we were not really
looking for a relationship but if the opportunity came along then we would
go for it. So everything was going good, we were spending time together,
having fun, and just enjoying each other, then he up and disappears for
about a week or so. At first it didn’t bother me but after I tried calling
and texting a couple of times I caught on to he was avoiding me. Then he
calls me one night to see what I was doing and invites me over to his place
(for the first time) to hang out with his friends and watch the game. I was
up for it considering I didn’t have anything going on. Later on that night,
I asked him why he vanished and all of a sudden invite me to his house and
he says he felt like he was getting too attached. This really confused me and
I was upset for a little while but then I just stop caring b/c we were not
supposed to have feelings. Since then he has been texting, calling and coming
over every now and then but it’s not the same. It is so confusing because he
acts so different. One day we’re just friends with benefits, the next he’s
kissing me in public. I’m really getting mixed signals and I’m not sure what
to do because I really like him…Please help. Should I let it go, keep up
with the games, tell him I want more, or what…

The reason he is sending out mixed emotions is because he really is battling with himself at this point. He likes you more than just a fuck buddy but since you both agreed to stick to being fuck buddies, he is trying to not go against that arrangement. He stays away at times so he can sort himself out and avoid getting attached, but then sometimes he gets the urge to express his emotions and that’s why there are those kisses in public, etc. What you should do right now is give him hints that you like him more than a fuck buddy as well by expressing your feelings to him as well. Give him unexpected hugs and kisses, show him that you’ve missed him when he sees you, and even hold his hand next time you’re in public together. Then if he asks you why you’re doing these things, tell him maybe you think you should try out something more than being fuck buddies and try dating for a little while to see how it goes.

I think you should gradually expose that you like him with those little hints rather than telling him up front, because he may still be a little drawn back from you with thoughts that maybe he himself is not ready for an emotional attachment. This way you will show him that are interested in something more, but you are still taking the female role and not pushing things on him, but are waiting for him to make the move. If you feel that it has gone on too long and he hasn’t picked up on your hints then it could be time to tell him your feelings, but still try to do it in an informal way where it isn’t a very serious and morbid type of conversation.

Also, I really don’t suggest you let it go because it seems like you two feel the same way towards each other, it is just he hasn’t been able to accept those emotions and deal with them the proper way. This is where you hints come in to help pursuade him that you also feel the same way and that it could work if you tried a real relationship. This could be the start to something good, so keep it up and he’ll eventually come through if you help guide him the right way.

6 Comments »

  • Jazz said:

    Thanks for the advice. I will definitely check back with you if anything changes!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Jazz: Sounds good, and it was my pleasure. Also, thanks for the testimonial, I really appreciate it! Come back anytime.

    Reply to Comment

    Trish Reply:

    Robbie I met this guy online on Myspace he took me out twice when we both met but on both dates i had my kids . Oh by the way he is 26 and i am 40 yrs old . We have been fuck buddies for 6months now, but recently one day he called said he was coming up and then called right back and said he could not make it , I have not heard from him since then. I have text him a sexual mess no response, even called and the line had a bunch of static he said hello, i kept saying hello then the call dropped. The last time we had sex it was wonderful only one thing he had put all these hickeys on my face and body, i thought that was odd since he told me he was involved with someone. Should i call him again i have not tried to call him in two weeks, I figure i would let it go and move on . Do you think he was starting to catch feelings which i doubt since he is alot younger than me. I really want to call him because i love the sex , but i am not sure if he wants to be bothered, oh i forget i had stated asking him for money do you think this is why but he did say a close mouth will not get fed, meaning if i don’t ask him for money he does not know i need it. I know i have alot of stuff going on but i tried to keep the story short and to the point .

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Trish: It could possibly be that you began asking him for money and that’s why he created distance, but it also could be that he found someone else that he is spending more time with and does not know exactly how to end it with you without hurting your feelings. You should ask him if the current arrangment isn’t working for him and if he’s interested in wrapping it the fuck buddy relationship up. It seems like the fire is out and he isn’t as eager as he was in the beginning, so you may as well find out directly from him what he wants. But if you guys haven’t spoken in 2 weeks, my best guess is he wants to end things but just doesn’t know how to present it, so he is pulling the disappearing act. I would suggest to just move on and if he calls, he knows where to reach you, if he doesn’t then you can’t really force him to want to continue it.

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  • foxy said:

    that was cute

    Reply to Comment

  • Jazz said:

    So Robby G,
    I have recently had a convo with the guy I mentioned earlier and he has made it clear that he isn’t looking for a relationship. But the thing is that I have told him over and over again that I am not asking to be his girlfriend but I would like to move into a “talking” and not this confusing “SWAC” thing (as he calls it)which is “sex without a commitment.” I’m not asking for a true commitment but just a little clarification and he just beats around the bush and basically puts me off by saying stuff like “I don’t want to be attached but you are a really likable person and I’m really comfortable with but I know me and I will just get to deep into it and lose perspective.” This does not make sense to me because I am not the type to distract a guy from his goals and more than anything I try to push them to accomplish what they want. I am very self-less and know the importance of being an individual and taking care of self. He feels that if he lets himself then he will like me to much and get swept in me and give up his life. I like this guy but how do I show him I will not hold him back or allow him to hold himself back. He is so confusing! Please help again.

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