Home » Friends with Benefits

Can He Handle Being Just a Fuck Buddy?

17 April 2010 6 Comments

hello how are you. i really enjoyed reading your site and thought to myself
that I may ask you questions about my own situations as well. I really
really need your help here so please write back. it is a long story. I met
him when i was 12 and he was 25. he is my mom’s friend. when i was 15 i don’t
know what happend i really liked him and accidently I kissed him. we only
kissed once, and a year after he told me that he had feelings toward me as
well at that time and he is glad that i made the move. and after that we
kissed each ohter a few times. i just turned 18 this year and we started
going on dates and had sex. the problem is that he had a girlfriend at that time but
now they are breaking up because his girlfriend lost his baby and he has always wanted a
kid although he never loved her. He and I are still seeing each other
regularly. we see each other twice a week. he says that we are dating and we
are actually together but I have not approved of that. the first thing is that
i dont think i have real feelings toward him but i can’t be mean to him I’ve
known him for almost my whole life. however we do care for each other for
real and he always says he likes me. i will see him next thursday. Last night I
thought to myself that I may just look at him as a fuck buddy since both of
us don’t want to lose our freedom and be controlled. So that I wouldn’t get
hurt at the end. i never question him about his personal life or anything, and I
avoid topics such as future, etc. but he always talks about what he and I will
do next year, etc. so now I am confused. Are we dating or I should just look
at it as a fuck buddy relationship.

I think the mindset you have in not taking this relationship too seriously is the right way to approach it. It is often that men who are older than a woman tend to make these promises but they usually do not delivery up to them. More often than not, the younger girls tend to fall in love and it is the man who tries to get rid of them after they sleep with them, so it’s actually really good to hear that you are not too emotionally attached.

Future Without Prospects

If you’re having fun with him now then I suggest you keep at it, but as long as you know you can keep your emotions under control. The problem may arise once you feel some kind of connection with him where you may not be comfortable breaking up with him whenever things get complicated. Though he says things that may be captivating right now, I believe it is only his emotions talking and he may not be as genuine as he may seem. Really analyze if you think you want to spend as much time with this man as you currently do and you are in a great position to distance yourself from him if you really wanted to. It could also be that he is talking about these future plans because he may feel obligated to you for some reason. You should really assess what you want from the relationship and go for it. It is always easier to figure out what you want when you have a clear head which does not sway with emotional influence.

Fuck Buddy?

Though you said that you want to see him as a fuck buddy, I think it may get complicated just because he talks with some sort of inclination towards something beyond a mere fuck buddy. A fuck buddy usually tends to be a partner who you don’t share too much history or feelings for, but he talks about the future with you and makes open remarks about liking you. It is important for you to see if he is able to actually just be a fuck buddy before you decide that he is your fuck buddy. You may as well openly discuss it with him and see if he is capable of taking your relationship as lightly as you, and if he can’t then there may be difficulty for you to just have him as a fuck buddy and nothing more. So, it’s crucial for you to come to a decision with his emotions in mind and discuss with him what exactly it is he expects from you and then after analyzing what you think suits you best, make the final decision.


  • sabrina said:

    hey youu,
    thank you for answering my questions.

    what you said is what i thought to myself at the begining.
    though i wasn’t sure about them thats why I asked you about this.

    so as i said I met him last thursday.
    we went to a mall together to get a toaster,and went out for lunch then we got back home,etc. normal things we do.
    I got kind of confused because the whole time we were holding hands and he was talking to me about his girlfriend issue since they are not doing so great.

    as I said me and him spend a lot of time cuddling and talking. we are really open toward each other about things such as sex, gf/bf, family, work, our feelings, etc. because weve known each other for 7 years.

    and once again he was really happy and it got me confused.
    he kept on sayin that summer is coming and there are so many things he wna do with me. and he said that maybe in the future we can be a real couple once i dun live with my mom anymore and depend on how things goes. (im plannin to move out after next year.)

    the whole time i listend but i didn’t believe him. afterward i thought about what he said and kindda laughed at myself.
    all the time Ive been convincing myself not to believe in whatever he says and takes it too serious.

    it is clear that we care about each other.
    but comes to liking someone..i am not so sure.
    because i dun really know what he wants from our realtionship.
    if he just wants the sex, then he shouldn’t talk about his feelings or w.e is going to happen in the future.
    but what we are doing right now and the distance we have, is not enough for us to go into a real realtoinship.
    although we do everything a couple do.

    in terms of what i want from this realtionship.i don’t really know.
    ive asked myself the same question, and the answer i got is that i don’t want to lose him. i want to have him in my life somehow all the time, but i don’t really want to get too emotional attached to him since i am afrid of getting hurt.

    i still see him at once or twice a week and we love spending time with each other.
    good news is that im still not reli emotional attached.
    but i don’t know what will happen in the future.
    i am kind of scared if this realtionship turns into a real one,

    many times i wanted to talk to him about this.
    but i don’t want him to take it in a wrong way that i am Desperate to get into sth with him and im the kind of lovy dovy girl.
    in the other words i don’t wna make myself look like a fool.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @sabrina: I really don’t think you’ll end up looking like a fool if you bring up the subject, because you have to realize that it is he who is the one who constantly talks about the future and relationship prospects, etc. If you don’t however bring up the subject, then he may feel like you are going along with anything he suggests, which you are not obviously happy with. But as I said, I think the most important thing for you to do is figure out what exactly you want before making any serious decisions. Also, you’re still very young and you should try meeting other people–he’s obviously discussing his other relationship with you, so I wouldn’t think it should be a problem if you meet other guys and even talk to him about it. Try to work it out and keep me updated.

  • sabrina said:

    @Robby G,
    how can i make sure that i don’t fall in love with him or get too attached to him?
    i am still not too attached but i am afraid that its going to happen in the future.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @sabrina: I’ve been thinking about your question and decided it would make for a good future post. But to give you a few quick pointers here, I’d say that the number one way to not get too attached would be to open to other relationship opportunities that may come your way, and maybe even flirt with others so they see you’re interested. Also, another way that I personally deal with girls that I don’t want to get too attached to is by being slightly critical of their motives. I don’t mean be completely analytical and believing they are always deceiving, but just have a little bit of a mistrusting attitude towards them. Basically, give yourself enough room to think things through logically rather than being emotionally blinded, and that’s by being critical of him rather than accepting all of his words as 100% truths.
    Does that make sense in the way I explained it?

  • sabrina said:

    @Robby G,
    well thats what I thought as well. I mean like meeting other guys and convincing myself not to believe in him. like i always think to myself that everything he says are lies :P. but the things that im actually enjoying spending time with him and when he can’t meet because of work or watchever i get a bit disappointed. thats where i get scared. maybe its a good idea to talk to him about it but i want to tell him what I think at the point where i know i will get attached to him. what do you think.

    oh hey and lemme know when you do make a future post i would like to see it.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @sabrina: If you don’t want to get attached, it is specifically at those times when he can’t meet and has other things to do and you start thinking about him that you have to occupy your time with something that will keep your mind off him, such as going out with girlfriends or meeting other guys.
    If you tell him about it then either 1 of 2 things will happen: If he is sincerely in love with you then he will be happy that you feel the same way; or 2, if he’s not 100% genuine about his feelings and has been powdering your mind with BS, then he’ll get a little bit frightened that you are into him more than he expected he could control.

    PS: I’ll keep you informed about the post. You can of course subscribe to RSS. 🙂

Leave your Thoughts!