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Can I Know for Certain?

17 January 2011 One Comment

Dear Robby,

All girls suspect and doubt their bfs. I am currently in a relationship with
a man who travels a lot for work.

I did tell him before that I’m not too happy about the frequent traveling
and he’s still not reducing it.

We used to have a fight over the lack of sex – he needs it everyday but I
don’t.

I sneaked a peak at his personal laptop where he stores his personal
pictures and he still keeps pictures of his old flames. There was a recent
one with his ex or fling (shes not local) which he’s keeping it on his
laptop still. This foreign chick probably sent it to him during his birthday
cos he was with me physically during his birthday and not with this foreign
chick. But from the picture with text, it does not seem like they have
broken it off cos she addressed it as – Happy birthday to my dearest
darling.

Now I have some doubts:
1. He doesn’t take pictures of us or of me but he has a lot of his ex-es.
2. He keeps traveling even over weekends, and I’m suspecting he might be
having flings with other chicks overseas since he’s not getting enough sex
from me.
3. He gets defensive when I ask him about his ex-es.
4. The text on the picture I saw doesn’t seem like they broke it off cos
which girl will send a birthday picture with endearing words if he had broke
off with her?

Girls’ instincts of suspicions always prove to be alarm bells and I’m having
mine.

What do you think of my doubts from a guy’s point of view?

To start, about the birthday picture with endearing words, it is really quite possible that they have strictly platonic relations, because I personally have an ex-girlfriend who I still message every so often (birthdays and New Years, etc) with affectionate words. And my ex does the same in return, and we are both not together in any way sexually, but only as friends. I’m not saying you should completely abstain from worrying about it, but it is possible that they had a meaningful past and they ended on terms that still allows them to exchange such words. If you are extremely worried about his constant traveling, then why not take a day off and go with him on one of these work related trips, especially if you do not have work on a weekend. You can tell him that you want to come to lend him support, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if he isn’t cheating on you. Sources like Facebook have made it extremely easy to see who your boyfriend is keeping contact with, etc, so it may be a good idea just to check his page out. Also, ask him about his work over dinner or whatnot. Do not show your insecurity or uncertainty about his faithfulness, but casually bring it up and see how he answers. If his answers sound legitimate then I doubt he has something to hide, but if you pick up some sort of alluding expressions or ways of speech then he may have some skeletons in his closet. It’s really all about catching his bluff at this point.

Sometimes you really have to drop your guard and tell him openly, “I’ve been having trouble compromising to your constant work-related travels, because I fear you may be cheating on me, but I just want you to know that I trust you enough to be faithful. However, if you do cheat, just know that I’m not a type to forgive.” That alone can at times be enough to make your own worries go away, let him know that you don’t take that sort of behavior lightly, and he should assess his actions and his travels. It is not necessary to say anymore than that and there needs not be any serious argument after that, it’s just to let him know exactly how you feel. It can also improve the openness of your relationship, so he understands that you do have your doubts and he should pay more attention to you and your concerns.

And if you want to have more pictures with him, then why not take your own and send it to him through email or whatnot. See if he puts them in the same folder with his ex’s or what he does with them. I’m sure that the fact that he doesn’t take many pictures with you does not mean that he is unfaithful, it could just mean that he’s not a fan of going out of his way to take photos, and it could just mean that it was his ex’s that initiated the picture taking and he just went along with it. As long as you don’t drive yourself crazy thinking about it, because relationships tend to end with paranoia of suspicion and outbursts due to it rather than anyone actually cheating on the other.
So I’m not fully saying that I know whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you, but trying to way out the options you have and that you do not jump to conclusions without reasonable evidence.

One Comment »

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