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Cheater’s Mentality

13 May 2009 8 Comments

Robby, how are you? I have a question about why guys think it’s alright to cheat on women but when women do it, they’re condemned for life by their partner? I need a guy’s point of view on this, I bet a lot of women want to know the answer to this one too. Thanks.


To answer your first question, I’m doing well, thanks. To answer the second one, well I’m sure there are a lot of men who don’t think it’s alright to cheat on their woman, but you’re right about how the majority of men don’t find anything too wrong about cheating but when the woman does it, she’s condemned for her actions. I think that the reasons behind this is hidden in the motives behind ‘Why’ men or women cheat.

The Sex Drive

When it comes to sex, men are like animals, it’s true. It’s hard for men to hold back their desires to try having sex with new women. But why, is the real question, and the answer lies in two things: First, men’s biological and psychological structure is different from women’s, and they feel that they need to explore having sex with other women, especially when the opportunity presents itself. I’ve known people who even though they had a stable girlfriend, they would go and pay massage parlor employees (AKA hookers) to sleep with. And this is most astonishing because why pay if you can go get it for free at home, right? Well, men don’t go around cheating because they like or love the women they cheat with, they just do it because they feel a need to sleep with other women. There’s no emotional attachment, but there is a physical attachment. They see a woman that they find sexy and right away they have an impulse to want to sleep with them. This is really the main reason behind this anomaly. Men cheat because they have a psychological impulse (sex drive) to want to have sex with any hot woman they see who they feel some sort of physical attraction to.

Secondly, men naturally are bigger risk-takers than women, this can be easily proved by going to any casino (the majority there are men). Men like the thrill of doing things that they shouldn’t. When they are in a relationship, cheating on their woman is the biggest risk they can take to ruin it all. That’s why when you ask a man “Why did you cheat?” They usually have no real answer to give. They were so enthralled in the excitement of the actual act of cheating that they had no real logical reason behind doing it. So it basically boils down to: needing the thrill of cheating that develops through the sex drive impulse.

She Broke My Heart

Most women don’t cheat as often as men do, but when they do, men take it real hard. Why? Because most women (excluding ones who are addicted to sex) don’t cheat on their man unless they actually have an emotional attachment or have some sort of liking of the man they cheat with. Men know that their woman will not cheat on them unless they truly like the man they cheat with, and this destroys their boyfriend’s ego and essentially breaks the boyfriend’s heart. A man feels like he has taken a loss when his woman cheats on him and knowing that his woman actually likes the man she slept with completely puts him through a mind-fuck rollercoaster ride where he usually can’t take her back. The thoughts and images he develops of his woman actually “making love” to another man is what finally gets to him.

Well that’s my two cents. Men do it out of a nonchalant sex drive while women do it out of an emotional desire, and this in effect causes the difference of opinion of why men think it’s alright for them to cheat but not for the woman.

PS: This isn’t the same for everyone, just for the majority. See my previous post where a reader asked where he could find a third member to join in on the sex with him and his girlfriend. Some are fine with allowing his woman to cheat on him as long as he’s present and gives consent to it.

What are your opinions on why men think it’s alright for them to cheat but not for their woman?


  • Al said:

    Men are far more emotional then they tend to show. I know that the thought of my woman even kissing another man makes my stomach turn. I think Robby’s right when he states that men are like animals. People tend to forget that HUMANS are in fact still ANIMALS. Yes, we may(in most cases) be more advanced than other animals however men have that animalistic instinct. When it comes to cheating, it is DEFINITELY the thrill as well as just the pure sex appeal of another woman. Usually there is no emotional attatchment unless its an ongoing sex-affair, where the man ends up leaving his long term partner for the third party. Great answer Robby. I think you hit the nail on the head on this one.

  • Lisa Lumpkin said:

    I think this is a cop-out about men being more sexually driven, and animals yadda yadda yadda. People who are selfish, want their cake and eat it too, and have problems with commitment are the reasons. Not law, just my opinion.

  • Alice said:

    Thanks for the quick response. I respect your opinion, otherwise I would not have asked the question, but to me it really sounds like a cop-out for men just to get the right to cheat. When a man cheats, he breaks the woman’s heart as well. Men are supposed to be rational, but when they go and sleep around and don’t know why they did it, it defies the entire concept behind men. You’re right, they’re just dogs who go after any pussy they can smell. This is where the “women are from venus, men are from mars” idea gets shed a light on. Completely different mentalities.
    Thanks for your opinion Robby.

  • Ben said:

    What is wrong with all you bitches. Women now have an infidelity rate equal to that of men. It’s sad that you got cheated on but don’t hold a grudge against all men. It is not human nature to be monogamous. I do believe that cheating is wrong and shows commitment issues but I am not blind to the fact that woman are part of a rising trend. Women have been cheating more and more in recent years and now it is a bit less than 60% for both sexes. Here is a page on infidelity statistics from 15 years ago (http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html)
    . Now look at this one from 5 years ago (http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html).
    The trend is that women are cheating more on their husband and now it is equal. On a side note people are also now more likely to have an affair with a brother or sister in law.

  • Richard D. said:

    Thanks for the link dude and I see what your saying. You woman are all sexist pigs. Sexism is defined as a hatred of, or prejudice towards, either sex as a whole, or the application of stereotypes of masculinity in relation to men, or of femininity in relation to women. By playing into this male stereotype you are not only misguiding others but you are enforcing the stereotypes about overzealous feminist women. It sounds to me like you women are the ones with the trust issues.

  • ldh said:

    The excuse I hear over and over again is “I’m a guy..it’s what we do”. I think that’s a bullshit excuse. Admit you have deeply rooted commitment issues or that you just like the trill of cheating. Don’t blame it on the biology of your sex.

    I agree with Al on the point that men are far more emotional than they show (or think that us women don’t know).

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Idh: You’re right, the thrill of cheating is a huge reason for many men to want to get with other women just like I’ve outlined in the post. And when Al is talking about men being emotional, I think he means that he is referring to their feelings when it comes to their woman cheating on them. To quote Al where I agreed with him in the post, “Usually there is no emotional attatchment unless its an ongoing sex-affair.”

  • Derek S. said:

    Leaving political correctness behind, what man really wants to cheat? Men who want to sleeep with more than one woman would rather just go out and sleep with more than one woman without having to cover their tracks or share ANY of these women with other men. Continual lying is complicated; most men don’t like complicated, we like simple and plain.

    For more of recorded history than not, women were possessions. In many cultures they belonged to their fathers until they were sold to their husband (bride’s price, dowry, etc.). Like it or not, there is still something within men that sees their women as their property not to be shared with other men. Why else does a man who cheats find it so hard to forgive his woman if she cheats on him? Societal changes may have forced men to repress such views, but repression doesn’t rid us of them.

    I would argue that if a global catastrophe knocked the remaining population back to bronze age technologies, we would likely revert to the old patriarchal model where men owned women, within a couple generations. Sad to say, but I don’t think humankind has “evolved” as much as we’d like to think. Technological advancements have just helped shape a world where it is hard to justify the old double standards. Additionally, we take great pride in our claims of being superior to the animal kingdom and being civilized.

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