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Concerned with What Sex May do to the Friendship

18 January 2012 One Comment

Hola Robby,
I don’t know what to do about this on again off again situation I am in with
this guy and am interested in your opinion … I first met him 2 years ago
outside of a party over summer break in my hometown where we completely hit it
off. we had a lot of the same interests, music tastes and so forth and exchanged
numbers that night. I continued to hang out with him various times that summer,
all of which I would go with my friends to different parties his friends were
having but never really got to know each other very well, but the attraction
definitely remained. Then out of nowhere he stopped all communication and when I
would send him a friendly text now and then, I would get no response. So no
biggie I decided to put him in my past with no real losses. Then the following
time i was home, he hit me up and invited me to a party which I went to and he
randomly after so much time, decided to make a move. The night was fun, I was
intrigued but still nothing important. We remained in contact after that and
when the following summer came along, and after off again on again
communication, it was clear to me that he most likely just wanted to hook up and
didn’t want anything more- simply from the lack of interest in getting to know
me. So I decided I needed to be more of the man and make the moves. The next
time he invited me to chill with him and his friends, I went alone and we ended
up fooling around a little but when I tried to take it to the next level, he
didn’t want to. This same thing happened 2 other times afterwards. Basically, I
am confused of what he wants. When he didn’t show much of a obvious interest me,
I was okay with settling for just hooking up because I find him attractive but then
when I try to pursue that, he backs down. I just want to know why you think he
continues to invite me places if he doesn’t want to bang or be friends. What
else is there left to be? whatchaaa think?

Lots of guys out there have been in a similar situation to the one your “friend” is in. I don’t think it’s a question of what sort of relationship he’s interested in, whether it be strictly friendly, fooling around, or something more serious, but rather it is a question of what sort of relationship does he think he can get at this point.

You started off friendly and he did not make a move for quite some time, so after a while he thought that maybe things were just casual and you did not want anything more than friendship. When things finally did happen, you were the one to take initiative and made the move. The reason for why he did not allow things to go further are either because he has some sort of fear or disliking of taking things to the next level. Maybe he’s a virgin who is waiting to hold it off until marriage, I don’t know. Or, it just could be that he enjoys keeping things mysterious. My thoughts on this are that he isn’t sure what he wants from you He might not be certain that he wants anything serious, so he does not pursue you. And if you come off as a woman who would want a relationship if things did get heated then that may be his main concern.. If you however do make it evident for him that you’re okay with just a quick occasional hook up and nothing more, then he may be worries what it would do to your friendship. I believe, nonetheless, that he may just be confused about where you two stand and the on again/off again status makes the situation even more ambiguous for him.

The One That was Always Out of Reach

Many men have had that girl who they thought was really nice, good looking, and perfect for them to date. They got to know them, they acted smooth, they were feeling that click between them… but still they lacked the courage to make a move. The problem wasn’t in the connection the both were feeling, but the problem lay in the way they could present themselves to the woman without looking foolish and losing their friendship if he was in fact over-assessing the situation and assuming that he had a chance to be more than a friend when in reality that was all she wanted.

The friend zone is a place many men fall into and they have no clue how to climb out. They act real nice and gentleman-like, but never have the courage to make a move. However, in your situation, it’s as if you, the female, is trapped in the friend zone and though you are willing to take things further, he is rejecting that notion. It is interesting, and at the same time bewildering that he isn’t making a clear cut decision of whether he wants to cut all sort of sexual tension between you by expressing clearly that he wants to just be friends; and at the same time he is not sleeping with you when you made it quite clear that you’re okay with it. I simply think he is confused about his own intentions and you may as well take it as a minor loss. You probably could have turned out to be quite decent friends, but the fact is he isn’t allowing that to happen. Hanging out once in a while can’t hurt and is probably the right thing to do, just to see how things turn out, because I am sure it is quite intriguing for you two understand him better. And at the same time you’re not losing much by staying in contact with him, because he is not giving you enough attention to catch really strong feelings or him and have a difficult time coping with being infrequent acquaintances.

I have some female friends who I don’t see or contact much, and when we do it’s just for a beer to catch up. And though with some of them we did share a few wet ones, we never pursued anything because it was just a momentary thing that would have probably ruined the “friend” element we shared if we did end up in bed together.

So just stay in contact with him, continue to find other suitors, and don’t put much thought into what he is looking for, because the chances are he isn’t all too interested in taking things to the next level with you (that includes occasional sex), and it’s probably for the best, because if something was to develop, it may end up bad and it may end the friendship that you share.

And here’s a little something extra:

One Comment »

  • Emma said:

    I don’t think this is something ethical enough to think of, well~ I don’t want some kind of actions which is as lustful as that especially when you are only friends.

    Emma from recette pour plancha 


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