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Confirming His Feelings

28 October 2011 No Comment

Hi Robby,

Bascially, i’ve been having a f**k buddy thing with this guy i work with. He
joined 5 months ago (when i was engaged) and there was a connection from the
moment we were introduced… Which he admitted to feeling too. Anyway my ex
and i broke up and that’s when the flirting started happening with my
co-worker. We had met up at lunchtimes and he came out for drinks with
colleagues after work but he always had to leave early. Then he invited me
out to meet him and his friends one night and one thing led to another and
we ended up back at his hotel (he lives in a different city). We met up at
lunchtime on the Monday after to “chat” about things. He told me he had a
lot of technicalities in his life and i said that was fine because i was
recently out of a 4 year r’ship and was engaged and not looking for anything
serious (even though I do fancy him a lot). He said his situation was
basically that 6 months ago he had come out of an 8 year r’ship and is
living in-between houses with his ex and mum as him and his ex still own
house together but he doesn’t stay there every night. We’ve been having a
fb r’ship for about 8 weeks now and the sex is amazing, we see/speak to each
other every day (during the week and sometimes weekends) and he always holds
my hand, kisses and is generally very affectionate towards me when we
arrange to meet up. One of my other co-workers knows what is going on and
she thinks he feels more for me and says she gets goosebumps when she’s
around us! We do text each other but the texts are quite mixed… sexual and
caring. I’m so confused and don’t know whether to talk to him about whether
his feelings have changed since our first “chat”. I’m still not 100% sure
if he has truly split up with his ex due to not actually meeting up at
weekends as that should be the best time to have a fb/booty call r’ship. I
just don’t know if we’re both on the same page and both have feelings
for each other. I don’t want to appear too emotional in case he doesn’t
feel that way but also don’t want to shut off completely if he does??!!
Please please help!

Thanks

So confused!

Two things came to mind when you explained the situation. One being that, he MAY be deceiving you about the fact that he has broken up with his ex and that he is in all honesty still with the woman and using you as a mistress on the side. However, this is a very elaborate scheme and it would not be the smartest thing for him to do being that you two work together and it could be bad for his job if his lie is found out. Now the second thing that came to mind (and is most likely the one that is correct) is that he has so much on his plate at the moment that he cannot make anything official right now. The reasons could be endless. Nevertheless, if I am correct then he most probably does like you a lot more than a friend with benefits and he also does not fear commitment as he has already been in an 8 year relationship and could handle it. He may not be ready to get into anything serious right off the bat just because he is not ready to allow things to move along so quickly but you shouldn’t worry about his feelings. He is interested in becoming your boyfriend yet is being slightly cautious about moving fast so you should probably respect that and see how things move along and where they go.

Sometimes people need a rebound once they get out of a long-term relationship and they tend to act the same way they did when they were together with their ex in the best of times, but I don’t believe you should worry about that. He seems to be genuinely interested in you and the fact that you two work together shows me that you most probably have similar interests overall and are very compatible. If you do want to talk to him about his feelings towards you then do it during an intimate moment when you two are alone and you can feel a strong connection that you two are sharing. It cannot be at a time when you are feeling vulnerable. But if you can then it is best to let things play out and not discuss the issue of his feelings anytime soon until you see that he is becoming much closer to you and is inviting the conversation himself.

I always see women needing confirmation for love and requiring labels when in fact they do not make much of a difference in the way a man acts towards the women once the confirmation is made. It does bring comfort to a woman when a man admits his feelings but it does not really change much, so it should be noted that it is best to “feel” the love rather than be told of the love one feels.


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