Cut the Liar Out of Your Life
Hi here is my relationship story and hope you could give me some advice.
I met a guy last year in July 2009 and he totally swept me off my feet. He
inspired me and lured me close to him with all his “wonderfull life
accomplishments” stories. I (23yrs) was doing my postgrad studies and he
joined the school was totally new, and I thought i could help him out around
campus and share some experiences of my country etc. The first thing he
told me was that his dad past away a year prior and his mom past away in Jan
09. I felt so sorry for him and u know this just drew me closer to him. He
told me about how wealthy he was and his A+ varsity grades. Our
relationship progressed and by Aug 09 it turned sexual. He was my first
everything. As time progressed, I started to realise that 90% of what he
told me were lies. When I confront him he would deny it and I would never
get the truth it would be impossible. And what shocked me the most was to
discover that his mom was still alive I found this out Sep 2010. I am just
confused because I know that the relationship can not continue because he is
a liar. I can’t even talk about the lies affecting our relationship because
it gets me no where and he puts the blame on me and i feel terrible and then
i want to be closer to him to console him. This guy is really good he treats
me well, he assists me with my problems, makes sure i am taken care of. He
helps me with my studies. If it were not for all the lies and for the fact
that he has a child from a previous relationship (which i just can’t come to
accept). I would have loved to marry him because he takes good care of me
and i care about him. I however realise that all his lies and manipulation
aswell as the child he has- i just cant live with this. I really want to
get out of the relationship but have no idea where to start. its like he can
always find me no matter where i run to. He will find me and tell me how much
he loves me and has cared for me and i get confused because i believe him
when he says he loves me. If he has treated me badly i would have run away
a long time ago but that is the problem, he treats me very well. I just have
to get out of the relationship is not healthy. How do I break up with him a
part of me feels that i am stuck and can never get out. its like he owns
me? how do i get out?
You really should get out of such a relationship, because lies can be as bad as physical abuse at times. He treats you well, but that is just part of his manipulation tactic. You feeling like he owns you is part of the entire scenario and if you do not work this out as soon as possible then you will fall deeper and deeper into his trap. He lied about various things, starting from mundane things such as his grades to his mother being dead. I’ve known people like this and I will be honest with you, these type of people are very good at manipulation and at making you feel like they are good-hearted people, but the truth is they are extremely confused themselves and they are not to be trusted. I know I sound like some sort of alarming voice, but if you want my honest opinion and if you want to know what I would do in the situation, then I would definitely break it off and not take him back even if he was begging on his knees. He is the type of person that would do anything to get you back and this includes doing extremely nice things just to get you to reconsider, but as soon as you fall back into his trap, the lying and the repetitive bullshit and heartache begins.
If you’re thinking about marriage even, then you should definitely think about yourself and if you are truly ready. If you are coming on my website to ask for advice about this man, are you really committed to spend the rest of your life with him? You shouldn’t underestimate yourself and you should try and find someone who will be honest with you and will treat you the way you want, rather than commit to someone who lies to you and then treats you well to make up for his lies. This is a technique that is used by men to get the woman to think they are unable to leave the man. The man does something like make up a big lie, and then get busted on it, and then make it seem like it’s the fault of the woman. Later, they make it seem like not a big deal, and this repetitive action makes the woman feel trapped and like she has no choice but to stay with him. While you’re still young, see the other options you have and practise them, because this man is clearly taking advantage of you and is making you question him and your relationship.
Tell him you don’t want to date him anymore and that you want to focus on things that are more important in your life right now. You are not ready for anything serious and you feel like this relationship is making feel somewhat pressured. If he tells you that you should reconsider, tell him that you’ve thought about it long enough and you are sure that you need a break and that you will contact him when you feel like you are ready to date again. Do not listen to his excuses or his attempts at trying to get you to decide not to leave him, because he will most likely make up some sort of lies to get you to stay. Then after that break off all contact from him and find yourself someone else if you want to completely forget about him. Because when you are alone you tend to think back on good times you had in your past relationship. So if you go out and find someone new, you shouldn’t have that same problem.