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Dealing with a Crush

31 May 2010 No Comment

My mother has a very close friend and since I was born her grandson would
come over and play with my brothers. When I was five we all moved away to
another State, 9 years later we moved back.

First night i came back i met her grandson again and knew i had deep
feelings for him, i would stay at my mums friends place, just so i would be
able to see him when he was back from boarding school (i know right? its

Anyway im a little older now and have changed quite alot..he sent me messages
about wanting to walk into the room i stayed in, naked! Just to see how i
would react?
we flirt and he says he would like to just be a fuckbuddy, since im too young
to be with in a relationship! (he is only 2yrs older btw)
I’m told that’s his imaturity showing, and i need to be older to be with
him(including my mother!) but it doesn’t change how I feel about him, i
wanna be more than just a fuck buddy, even though I’ve said i will be one.

I love him dearly but dont know what to do? How can we be more than just
fuckbuddies? Must i just wait till he thinks of me as a woman? and forgeting
is just NOT an option! i wanna be a girlfriend, how can i show that to him
and not freak him out?

If you don’t want to be his fuckbuddy then you shouldn’t agree to it, because that always ends bad. However, I believe that he’s using the age difference as just an excuse not to get into a relationship with you, because why would he be fine with becoming your fuckbuddy but not your boyfriend if age is such a problem for him? Also, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I believe this is just a crush, not deep love. We all go through it at that age, but it passes rather quickly. I’m not trying to say you’re immature for your age or whatnot, but you must appreciate the fact that though it seems like he’s perfect at the moment, you’ll see that there’ll be a lot of guys just like him coming and going throughout the years. I would suggest against becoming his fuckbuddy, because it is something that should occur when both partners are not emotionally attached and do it simply for sex. You clearly have feelings for him so it would not make sense for you to satisfy him sexually but not receive any emotional closure at the end of it. Also, you mentioned that he is not into you because he does notsee you as a woman yet, and this is a clear sign of his immaturity, because at the same time he is sending you messages about being naked?

Where to Go from Here?

The best thing for you to do here is to spend more time with him as friends and ignore any sexual attraction at the moment. Just try to understand him more and try not to satisfy his ego by showing that you are deeply attracted to him. Here it is best for you to take it slow and become friends with him more than anything else, and figure out for yourself if he is immature as others have told you or if he is really a reliable guy that would in fact make a good boyfriend. Patience in these arrangements work best and make sure to keep your mind open to other possibilities and other guys. When your feelings are too much into a guy, you begin to think and act irrationally, doing things you would not normally do just to please him. The way to approach it however should be just the opposite. When you open up too much to a guy, he tends to move on and find a bigger challenge, but if you distance ourself emotionally then he will pursue you. Find out his likes and dislikes and see if they fit in with your interests and most importantly if you feel he is compatible with you rather than if you are compatible with him. Do not act impressed with him and make him feel like he does not have you all figured out. If he sees that have finally gotten over him then he will want to regain your affection for him.

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