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Dealing with a Married Man

24 March 2011 No Comment

I bumped into an old flame that I had not seen or spoken to in over 15
years. We started chatting with each other over the phone for about two
months before I invited him over. I learned that he was married with the
typical story about being unsatisfied sexually and that his marriage lacks
passion. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship that ended
horribly and was looking for a little companionship and sex. I had my
reservations about sexing a married man, but we both eventually got past
that as well as the issue of karma. The sex is great, so great that I love
calling out his name. He loves kissing me and tells me so all the time. He
likes holding my hands and staring into my eyes when we have sex. He’s very
sweet and polite, and just makes me feel warm and good when I’m with him.
Sometimes we cuddle, and he always holds my hand when I walk him to the door
at night; and he can’t stop kissing me before he leaves. I don’t call or
text him often. I like my space and I’m the very opposite of clingy. And
sometimes I make myself unavailable. And I noticed that when I do this, he
makes himself more available to me. We’ve been hooking up for nearly two
months. But recently, we went three weeks without sexing each other. And
when I finally made plans with him again, I told him I would call him when I
got home at seven and by 7:15 he was texting me asking, “Where are you”?
I got a good laugh out of that. It was like he couldn’t wait to get here.
Plus, I noticed that he stays a little longer now after the sex, watching
movies and chatting. He talks about his kids and his wife sometimes. But he
keeps it lite. But occasionally he will surprise me by talking about
something serious or meaningful to him. But the rules are: no excessive
talking about the wifey in my domicile. And my body isn’t a drive through;
you must put in time to mentally engage me after you sex me. And he adheres
to both with no objection. He also shows concern for my welfare and safety.
He’s even agreed to make some minor repairs around my house, and with it
being winter time, he some times shovels the snow from in front of my house
before he leaves. I guess what I want to know is does this guy like me
outside of our fuck buddy arrangement? We’ve never taken ourselves out of
the bedroom/house, but we recently had breakfast at a restaurant to
celebrate my birthday and he gave me a nice gift. His birthday was a few
weeks before mine, and although I didn’t get a chance to see him on his
birthday, I bought him something small and inexpensive that just made him
smile, hug me, and he kissed me to death before he even opened the gift.
I’m clear on what this is and what this isn’t. He’s not my man. And I
play my role accordingly. But I do let him know through subtle ways that I
dig him, but not in a way that says leave your family and be with me. I
would love to know what your take is on this. Is this man really into me? Or
does he just dig the sex like I do?

If you’re asking if he digs you then I would definitely say so. If you’re asking if he thinks that you two would have a great future together if he left his wife and kids to be with you, well that one I don’t know. However, I do believe that he realizes that the fact that he likes you so much is because there is mystery, secrecy, and a certain element of having what you shouldn’t be having that makes this relationship really hot for him, and I’m not sure he would want to ruin that by taking things any further. It’s a really good thing that he treats you so nicely and goes as far as fix things up around your house, but I do believe that this is more like lust rather than love. It sounds like you don’t want to complicate things neither so it’s best for you to keep things the way they are and keep to those 2 rules you’ve created because in this sort of relationship rules are essential. Though you’re not the clingy type, you should be slightly wary about what his intentions are. Once you notice that he talks more and more about his domestic trouble and gives hints that he feels happier with you than with his wife and that he may be considering something more serious with you, then it may be time to put him back in his spot. It is important that you do not lead him on to be honest, the way you have been playing things are perfect. You don’t always make yourself available for him and you don’t go out with him out of the house unless it’s some special event, and that’s exactly what you should continue doing.

You, essentially, are helping him live out his fantasy. I am sure that he thinks about you when he is at home or work and is thrilled about having you, but he also needs to realize that that fantasy would cease being a fantasy and turn into something real and most likely not as thrilling if he decided to make you into a full-on girlfriend or wife. You have to remind him that all you are is his fantasy and that this can never be anything more than that. As for you though, I wonder if he’s the only man you’re seeing or if you’re also keeping your options open and see other men on the side. If not, do you allow other men to take you on dates or at least take down your number, or are you strictly involved only with him? If you are able to keep yourself as emotionally balanced as you have been this far then there is no need to bring in any other men into your life, because this is clearly working out pretty well for you and is satisfying. However, if you feel that you may end up falling for him and it will end with a broken family, I would suggest that you reconsider your current affairs and maybe take a step back from him. I personally was in a similar situation as you are in now, and I am happy to say that I got out of the relationship on time before things got out of hand and the woman’s marriage fell apart. Keeping certain rules and boundaries is key in these scenarios.

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