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Dealing with Committment Issues

14 April 2010 One Comment

Well it seems I’ve got commitment issues, i’ve tried fuckbuddy but I just cannot go
with the idea of fucking some one without making a bond or without love
making. I like taking care of a girl completely cuddling, whispering,
meaningful kinda thing you know, maybe that’s the reason even that girl who first
said that she doesnt want anything more than sex, ended up being emotionally
attached to me. I know I shouldn’t generalize, but most girls I’ve met, just
need someone who can act like I do when I’m with, you know caring and
sensitive and…. Now the only problem is, after a certain time I just cannot
see myself with some ONE and only one. I love making love, taking care of all
the small details, and not just to impress her, I actually love all this,
sending her texts, talking, LISTENING to her, calling her when she ain’t
expecting, even thinking about her, I mean I do love falling in love
everytime. But I just don’t want to be with one….for a very long time.
Couple of years back got into a relationship with a long time friend. We both
were really good friends before we got into it…but after we fought about something and stopped talking, we never remained just friends anymore, that was
good cuz I didnt want to. After few months she eventually called and said she
still felt the same way, I said I can’t cuz I was seeing someone else. She said
it’s ok and we can remain friends. Now after couple a years few days ago… we
started talking more through texts, especially coz of me, I wasn’t dating anyone
for a very long time and was feeling lonely, and we again started talking like
we were in a relationship. This time we never talked about love..just talked
about love making more. Had phone sex…and I’m soon gonna meet her….
Can u plz advise me for both…
1) how should i take this relationship this time, should we become fuckbuddies, but i
cant have a fb without emotionally lovemaking thing, which u usually dont
or shuld i get into relationship with her again…and again hurt her after few
months by dumping her.

2} what’s with me !!??
why don’t I just want to be normal and stick with someone…no matter how
much am in love with her now….after sometime I’m gonna get bored of her and will
move on…
is this okay to be like that??

Just Friends
I personally believe there are two types of people, those who can love to commit, and those who simply cannot commit until they find that perfect someone even if they believe they can commit when they get into the relationship. I, personally, am like you in the sense that I like dating, talking, texting, flirting, and falling in love, because it just totally is a lot of fun. But after some time, after I get to know the real identity of the girl and they fall for me more than I really want them to, the fire of the relationship expires and I get bored and annoyed with the girl. And believe me there is nothing wrong with that. There is only once in my life that this has not happened and I was able to stay in a relationship with that girl and even after we broke up due to reasons beyond both of our desires, I could easily say that I was able to commit for a long time. You’re simply a very romantic person and do get emotionally attached, but when you find flaws or the excitement of the relationship fades, you move on. This is the reason why I choose to stick to fuck buddies unless of course I see there is potential for me to actually commit, and I do this by thinking ahead and really imagining if I could actually be able to stay with the girl for longer than usual. So I really suggest you don’t stress the fact that you have committment issues, because it is totally okay. People are all different and it is extremely difficult to find somone you can really commit to, unless of course you have that committing/”clingy” type of personal trait. If it were so easy to commit so easily after the initial phase of falling in love than everybody would be in long-term happy relationships. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately (as I see it), it’s not like that and we get to test the waters with various types of partners.

Second Chance at Love

You were in a relationship with this girl before and now you want to try again, but do not know if you will be able to commit, and you do not want to end up hurting her. First, you shouldn’t think that way, because already you are putting limitations. But if you want keep it in mind as a pre-caution, then there is in fact a better way to see if you will actually want to commit or not. My advice is take it slow. Do not build up this great, amazing image of her and think she will be the love that will be superior to all the previous love relationships you’ve had in the past. Begin with simple dates and don’t rush things. Enjoy the moment and enjoy spending time with her rather than incorporating these objects of affection such as frequent cuddling or frequent text messages. Really practise self-control and learn to master being able to treat and perceive her as a partner who is both sexually stimulating, but also intellectually stimulating. Do not compress your relationship to only love, but broaden it to finding common interests, and acting more like friends rather than over-the-top lovers. This way you will grow to appreciate her and you will receive a more grounded impression of her rather than this superior image that she herself will not be able to fulfil in the future once the excitement slightly subsides. So, basically take things slow and after dating and getting to spend time with her, gradually incorporate the love-making into it, instead of falling madly in love, getting her hooked, getting bored, and leaving her to get hurt. I believe this will prolong the enjoyment of the relationship, but more importantly you both will learn things about each other and before falling in love will at least be able to do it on more rational terms. You will get to know if you will actually be able to commit this time, and therefore should allow yourself to get more attached; or if she isn’t the right girl for you this time, but at least you will not end up hurting her or yourself.

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