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Deciphering a Fuck-Buddy’s Intentions

14 February 2010 14 Comments

I have been a fuck buddy with this guy for the past year..it started out as
just an after the bars/late night kind of get together. After the second
month he introduced me to his friends one time (as we don’t hang out w/ the
same people) at his house for a cookout and he started inviting me over
during the day, and he also invited me to go out of town with him for the
weekend. Well the night that he asked me he told me that he is starting to
like me but sees the age difference as a problem (20 yrs..he said: “what I
haven’t experienced yet and what he already has” is the problem). We didn’t
talk for that week prior to this “vacation” and I didn’t go and he never
texted me. We lost touch for a little bit and then he text me out of the
blue. We hooked up again and has been pretty consistent since then but just
recently he has told me that he wants to start hanging out more. I have
decided to put feelings on hold until he can actually prove to me there is
something more than what is actually going on. He texts me everyday, he is
always the first to text me, and this happens even if we both know we aren’t
going to be hooking up at all that day. Since he has told me he “wants to
hang out more” I have hung out with him twice in public (which never
happened before). The first time I met up with him and his two friends and
while we were there he made some kind of comment like he was talking to his
friends before I got there and they had responded “..well shes coming here
to see you so that tells you something”. That night after we got done in the
bedroom he went to the bathroom to go clean up and when he came back in I
was all dressed with my coat and purse, ready to go. He said, “Oh, I take it
you’re leaving?” so I said, “Isn’t that what we always do?” Then he asked me
to come downstairs and hang out for a little bit so I did and we started
watching T.V., he told me he was going to teach me the humor of the funny
show we were watching. Also, that night, he told me he was trying to get me
to text him back faster because I guess I take awhile to text back
sometimes. And just recently we met up at a bar, he came with his friends
and I got there after he did, when he realized I was there he left his
friends and came and hung out with me the rest of the night. He introduced
me to more of his friends and I introduced him to mine and we ended up going
home that night together. I couldn’t sleep very well at his house (not
feeling to good to drive home) so every couple of hours I kept waking up and
he was right there next to me, not cuddling but right there. Then when I
woke up to go to the bathroom and got back into bed, he started cuddling (he
never does this..ever!). He still texts everyday but sometimes its the usual
“I’m horny” text or like yesterday it was just saying hi and he told me to
be careful driving (we got a lot of snow). He also has started to kiss me
goodbye, this began after he told me he wanted to “hang out more”. I need
some help, I get the feeling he does like me for more than what is going on
but sometimes he gets caught up in other stuff too, as do I. From the time
he has told me he wants to start “hanging out more” to now has been about a
month and we are making some progress, but I am still unsure if he was just
saying that or not. Got any advice?


I think that the break you two had between the time of the failed vacation and the text that reignited everything again made him realize that he misses you, but this time around he doesn’t think just a fuck-buddy relationship will suffice. I think he genuinely is into you as more than just a fuck-buddy and though he used difference of age as a type of excuse not to get too involved in the past, he has figured now that age cannot come in between how he feels towards you. Kissing you goodnight at night and cuddling are sure ways to see that he doesn’t want to keep this a strictly fuck-buddy relationship and is looking for something more.

Give it More Time

Though it does appear that he is being more affectionate and may want to start a formal relationship, I think it is best that you keep your emotions on hold for now and see where it goes. Because it has only bee n a month or so since he began acting this way , it is best to test the waters and see where it takes you. Don’t presume too much right now, but also don’t think this is just a normal fuck-buddy situation, because it is not. Also, look out for things he may say. If he doesn’t bring up the age excuse or any other things that may get in the way of you two from being together than take it as a good sign that he is thinking about starting something serious with you, but at the same time think about what you want from the relationship. You didn’t really mention whether or not you want him to be your fuck-buddy or your boyfriend, so I think that’s an important question you should ask yourself before you commit to anything serious.

Now, what if these signs that he keeps sending off continue but he doesn’t bring up exactly what he wants? That’s when you should ask some questions that will tell you more about what his intentions may be. Ask questions like, “So what do your friends think of me?” or after going out in public somewhere tell him, “I had a great time today” and watch for what he says or does. If he confirms that he sincerely had a great time too then he is truly enjoying going out with you. If he shrugs it off though then there still may be some sort of problems he has with going out in public with you.

I personally think that you have a guy who used to think there is a problem with seeing a woman who is 20 years younger, but has come to the realization that it shouldn’t bother him and really is fond of you. he wants introduces you to friends and cuddles with you at night. He sounds like a man that won’t make the same mistake twice and though you may take my advices I have suggested above, don’t be too sceptical of his intentions.

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14 Comments »

  • brittany said:

    Well thank you for your response, it helped me on deciding what the next step needed to be. I would date him if I truly felt he was at that level with me too. We haven’t seen eachother in over a week, and two days ago he wanted to get together. I told him I was on my period and his response was “You are…ughh!” So I told him I would just text him when I was off of it. He said, “Awww”. I told him that there was no worries on his end because he probably had someone to go to when I wasn’t around (he has asked me a few times too if I “found” someone else). He said no that he didn’t have anyone else. So I told him of a place I was going to go to grab a couple of drinks and if he wanted to join he was more than welcome to. We haven’t talked since I told him I was on my period. Not sure if I should be the one to initiate conversation or not but I do feel that was my hint that he really just isn’t ready for anything yet. What do you think?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brittany: I think he may be undermining you a little bit due to the age difference. In this case, stand your ground and don’t be the first to initiate conversation. Wait it out and see if and when he calls you and what he will say. Will he ask for you to come over so you two can sleep together or will he ask you to go out somewhere.
    You’re right that he may not be willing to starting anything more than a fb relationship because when you would have told him you were on your period, he wouldn’t have minded and would have asked to just chill instead of having to have sex. He is sending mixed signals and you are right when you say you shouldn’t invest any emotions into the relationship yet because you should wait it out and see where everything will head to.
    I’m interested to hear what will happen next. Keep me informed. Thanks.

    Reply to Comment

  • brittany said:

    Well it was pretty ironoic, about an hour after I responded to you he text me. All he said was, “Hi”, and I still have not responded to him. I got to thinkigg that the amount of time he gave me to actually have a period though was not that long. But anyways I have not responded to him, and it has been 10 hours since he texted me. Hmmm…?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brittany: May I suggest you text back a simple: “Hello”

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  • brittany said:

    And once again he texted me after I sent this. All said was what’s up. But I will respond hello. Its just that sometimes I feel like I get stuck on what to say back after hello, without sounding like a bitch or needy

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brittany: Take it a step at a time. Don’t rush it and let him lead the conversation. He was the one to text you first so have him come up with which way to take the conversation. Say something like: “I’m alright. Yourself?”

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  • brittany said:

    Well he was asking about my work schedule bc I switched shifts this week. My guess he is trying to pick a time to “get together” or go and get drinks, but he has been wanting me to meet this “hot blonde” who also thinks I am very attractive. I guess he was showing pictures of me to her. This has been going on for the past 2 months that he has wanted me to meet this girl and now I am on a shift where I can meet her. He has told me why he is introducing us but I have never done anything like that before so I told him it is strictly just meeting but I wanted to talk to him about the whole situation first. We ended up talking and I told him I would meet her but nothing further at that first encounter. So he may also be setting up a time where we can all go out.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brittany: Bah, you should have mentioned that earlier. I think it becomes pretty clear that he’s really not that fond of a serious relationship at this point and he’s trying to have as much fun as possible right now. So feel free to look around for new guys if you want something serious or keep having fun with this one, but just don’t get emotionally attached.

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  • brittany said:

    He asked what time I started and what time I got off. So I let him know and then he asked if we could get a drink. So I said that’s a definite possibility.

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  • brittany said:

    Yea..sorry about that. I don’t think I want to meet her, just because it brings me that much closer to actually discissing the topic again. But I did not know that that one detail could change your whole perspective.I guess I just thought it was every guys fantasy. Not that I am going to do it or anything but I didn’t think it was that abnormal in a relationship or not.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brittany: “definite possibility” is a good answer.

    Reply to Comment

  • brittany said:

    Well we are still talking and he made some kind of comment about my p****y needing his attention. I made some kind of joke back that he didn’t get because of the comtext of the text. So I let him know I was joking and following that I bluntly said yes let’s get together so we can fuck because that’s what we do. He said well let’s do more. I said like what? He said hang out more? So I said if that was the case on your end then we would have when I was on my period. He said we could have, I said you did not make it seem that way. He said I thought it bothered you. I said no I was letting you know because some people care. He said ohhhh and that’s it.

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  • Tina said:

    I’ll tell you my fuck buddies intentions he gave me herpes! so I guess asking a stranger whether or not they are STD free doesn’t work. Thanks kevin for the herpes! if that is your real name you bastard!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Tina: I think the guy you’re talking about posted a comment in the post titled “How to Find a Fuck Buddy”.

    Reply to Comment


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