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Did He Lose All Respect for Me?

26 April 2011 2 Comments

Hi, Robby. I’m in a bit of a mess right now. So, about a month ago I slept
with my good friend from work. We’ve been friends for almost 3 years. Well
he has a girlfriend and I know its wrong but i can’t seem to help the
attraction between us because we are so much alike and whatnot. Anyways,
just last night I was planning on hooking up with him after work and we were
texting. (I was drunk. I don’t know if he was) and I asked if he was coming
over. He said he’s with his buddy right now I said ok. He said ‘can I bring
him over? He hasn’t got any in a year’ I was so angry after he said that. I
quit texting. Then he sent me a text 2 hours later apologizing for not
coming over and for being with his friend. I don’t know what exactly to do
about this. I feel like he no longer respects me after we slept together. Am
I right or am I just overreacting? Please give me some advice. I don’t want
to end our friendship but I don’t feel like I should be talked to in that
manner. Thanks in advance.

Well be basically directly told you that he thinks of you as nothing more than a girl he likes to sleep around with. The fact that he asked if he can bring his friend just because his friend hasn’t gotten laid in a while clearly means that he was expecting that either you 3 have a nice group sex session or he was going to pass you onto him. Either way, it’s not what you want, and you’re not over-reacting at all, in my opinion. He may apologize and tell you that it’s not at all what he meant, but that just means either he’s lying, or that he tells his friends that you’re nothing serious for him and he’s be okay with sharing and that you’d probably be down with it. Again, either way it’s not something you want. And part of the reason, I believe, is because you hooked up while he was still in a relationship. Guys tend to react different to a girl who they sleep with while they themselves have a girlfriend and the girl knows about it and still goes through with hooking up, just like they react different to a girl that cheats on a boyfriend with them. I know it doesn’t sound fair at all, because he’s after all the one cheating, but men think that if you knew that he wasn’t willing to break up with his girlfriend for you and you still hooked up that this probably has no future in it and you two are having occasional fun. I’m sorry to say, but he sounds like an absolute idiot for telling you that he wants his friend to hook up with you because he “hasn’t gotten any in a year” unless of course he was completely kidding and it simply didn’t translate well over text message. Anyhow, you have every right to be mad at him for even thinking such a thing when you clearly like him; and even if you didn’t like him, he should have had the common sense to not disrespect a friend of 3 years like that.

To Brush it Off?

If you don’t want to lose him as a friend, you can act like none of it happened, but treat him a little differently from now on. Because it is already in the past, you cannot go back and react differently to the situation. But if it happens again, you can definitely give him some shit for it. Just don’t do it like a nagging girlfriend, instead have a friend-to-friend conversation. Tell him that just because you two slept together doesn’t mean he can become an asshole who forgets the last 3 years of your friendship. It is clear that now that you two have had sex, he feels like has overcome some sort of barrier and everything he says and does will be forgiven. Make sure it’s not like that and make him understand that in your case sex was a thing to do at that moment you hooked up, and that if he thinks you’re going to be chasing after him now then he’s mistaken. Since he treated you the way he did, it is evident that he sees sex as a game and because you gave it up while he was in a relationship then he’s got the upper hand. You have got to show him that sex isn’t that big of a thing and he will then see that there is more to you and the bond you share than some game where sex is the final feat.


  • danielle said:

    Well thank u so much for answering this question 🙂 I really appreciate it. Since I had asked you, I have confronted him about the whole thing. He got upset with me for thinking he was even remotely being serious and then calmed down after he saw my point of view. Note to all: don’t joke through texting. We are still sleeping together, and he is still with his girlfriend. I know it is wrong but I feel extremely comfortable with him and I now see there will not be any more to it. Granted a part of me still wants there to be, but I think that’s just my female urge or whatever lol. He hasn’t been a jerk to me since this incident and our friendship seems to be still intact, regardless of the twists we’ve put in it. I just hope it stays that way.:) Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to give me advice on this matter. It reminded me I mustn’t let him walk all over me and stand my ground, even if it means him getting angry.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    Danielle: I’m glad I could help in any way and I’m happy that you’re working something out. But yeah, make sure he doesn’t walk all over you and be careful what you text 🙂 If you have any updates or more questions, keep us informed. Thanks.

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