Home » Friends with Benefits

Does My Fuck Buddy Like Me?

15 December 2009 6 Comments

I’ve come across your site, and might I add, it’s very interesting!

So here’s the deal:

Him and I have been going at IT for a couple of months now, and I’m not
sure what to make of my feelings for him. We are strictly friends with
benefits, and I know they’re there, but I don’t see a future with this guy
at all. I’m pretty open with him – he knows I’m seeing other people, but I
realize now he doesn’t really tell me much about his personal life. I guess
he doesn’t tell me if he wants to. We get along just fine; I make him laugh
and he’ll goof around. I do think about him alot, mostly just the great sex
though .. but the thing that throws me off are the stuff he does before,
during, and after.

To elaborate, he just seems too… considerate. When we arrange to meet up,
he’ll usually meet me halfway (we live near eachother), and since it’s
winter he’ll just bring me extra gloves and scarf and such things like that.
I’m usually the one to sleep over as well, and I hate it. It feels like he
has the upperhand somehow because I’m the one going to him, yenno? (Even
though his place is the only place we can do it).

He’ll just hold my hand, and cuddle with me, and kiss my forehead and stuff
like that, and I want to know if that means anything. Or, am I thinking too
hard? I guess i want to know if he likes me as well.

-Honey

Considerate of Your Other Men

The fact that he doesn’t fill you in on his personal life is a good things. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a fuck-buddy relationship or in a real serious relationship, the partner doesn’t want to hear about how she sees other people. The only time a man would want to hear about his fuck-buddy seeing other men is when he is trying to figure out an excuse to get out of the fuck-buddy relationship. He turns to excuses when he sees that he won’t be able to break it off too easily without hurting her feelings. So in all honesty, it seems like he’s being really considerate in the fact that he doesn’t tell you about other women he may or may not be seeing. Also, since it’s a friends with benefits relationship, he is also just being smart in not opening up too much, because that could evoke new feelings in you that may lead you on to liking him more than just fuck-buddies.

Sixten
Considerate of Your Feelings

He definitely feels like this is more than just a fuck-buddy relationship, clearly because he cares if you’re cold or if you want to sleep over once the dirty deed is over with. But that could just be him acting in a considerate way because as you said this is “friend” with benefits and not just a simple fuck-buddy relationship. There is a difference. It doesn’t seem like he’s doing these nice things to score Browny Points, but he actually genuinely cares about how you feel. He likes to take care of you and make you feel comfortable around you.

Considerate of Your Security

Cuddling, holding your hand, and kissing you on the forehead means a whole lot. You’re surely not overthinking it, because when you’re in a fuck-buddy relationship and don’t want anything more than that, you make it an effort not to do things like that. That stuff is left for all those people who have a serious relationship. But when a man wants something more, but is not 100% secure whether or not the woman (you, in this case) wants it, he sends off little hints and references by exactly doing those little things like cuddling to get emotionally closer to you.

He may be hurting on the inside, but that’s not a definite fact. He could just be a really considerate guy who puts others in front of himself and wants you to be happy with any situation that you may put on him. Or it could be that he is playing this whole thing very well and all these considerate acts are just a way he thinks will keep you happy and thus keeping him happy, because he may really like the situation the two of you have created. But if I had to put money on it, I’d say he likes you as more than just friends if you ever gave him a chance. But it seems like he wouldn’t make the first move to talk about it because he would rather have a friends with benefits relationship with you rather than nothing at all if things went sour once he mentioned some sort of emotional attachment to you.

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6 Comments »

  • Honey said:

    Hi Rob! Thanks for the insight.. it really helps. I’m glad to know I’m not being crazy analytical about it. I would like to bring this up with him .. but I am not sure how to go about it. Any further suggestions?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    @Honey: Well, it would be a good idea to stop talking about other guys you may be seeing with him. Then just invite him out to a cafe or out to lunch and try to create a conversation that circles around the topic of what “he thinks” the two of are you doing really is, and if he’s satisfied with that. Then say that if he’s willing to take it further then you’re ready too.
    But you really have to feel out the situation. My main suggestion is that you don’t bring it up right after sleeping with him. Do it in a more formal environment.
    Does that sound like it would work with him? It’s different in every situation, but with what I read about him, there is no need to be tricky or anything. Just straight forward, but with just a little room for safety in case things backfire.

    Reply to Comment

    # 16 December 2009 at 2:40 am
  • riviera said:

    I am in a very weird situation.

    I have been seeing a guy for over a year now. We started going on dates and it was clear he was so much into me. It was that clear that I freaked out. I was just out of a 9 yrs relationship and did not want another one!
    After me freaking out I tried to keep a strictly sexual affair with him. It worked but he always “complained” that I just wanted him for sex. This made me feel terribly bad. I was being unnecessary “cold” with someone I have been seeing for more than a year now. So I am ok now to have a FWB relationship with him and he is happy I want to be friends and not just sex.

    Still I can see he would like to take things further but I always try to avoid bringing up the subject. I think he got the message.

    Just curious as to whether a FWB will be feasible. I don’t want to hurt any feelings … or being hurt

    Reply to Comment

    # 11 January 2010 at 2:01 pm
  • Confused Jane said:

    Hi Rob! Thank you for this article… I’m sortof in a…complicated situation & your article sortof..made me feel a little better, I guess..? Can I ask you something, though? Is there really no such thing as a “friend zone” for guys..? Oh, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Okay, let me start off by explaining the whole situation.
    “Paul” & I met a little over 2 years ago at this school for a one year diploma course.
    He & I became good friends at this school, we would go out to parties, smoke out, get smashed, etc etc, all the friend stuff, yknow?
    So like I said, I’ve known him for about 2yrs. And we’ve always been joke-flirting with each other for most of the time, you know what I mean? When two people are so comfortable with each other that you pass faux come-ons & teases to the other sex? I do it all the time and people always know I am just kidding around.
    (I really don’t know about guys but for me, I can totally fake tease & joke flirt with my really good guy friends and totally mean nothing of it)
    Anyway, after that one year diploma course we both sortof went in different directions.
    I was seeing a guy & was in a relationship for about a year. “Paul” & I still kept in touch ever now & then all throughout though. The flirt texts & teases & jokes were still there.
    We would sometimes bump in to each other at reunions/parties, etc etc. and it’s as if nothing’s changed between us.
    NOW though, this is where it got confusing for me…
    I broke it off with the guy I was seeing for over a year & “Paul” knew about it, & basically everyone in my circle of friends knew how f*d up I was about the whole thing & whatev..but eventually I got over it & started dating again.
    Now, it’s nothing new for “Paul” to be texting me, asking if I was going out that night or what I was up to or if I was down to hang out or whatever, but recently I noticed his texts were becoming more persistent.
    And one day, he asked me something very very out of the ordinary (from our 2-year friendship), he asked me out to go shopping with him, and maybe afterwards hangout. He said he needed to get new clothes. I was like, “Oh kayy…” and just laughed about it. But deep inside I sortof felt something was up… I mean, I’ve never really went out ‘shopping’ with other guys or any of my guy friends (neither has any of those guy friends asked me for such a thing-Lol), UNLESS they’re my boyfriend or my relative. AND, this “Paul” & I would always hangout at clubs/bars/pubs/parties or with other friends in our group. But this time, he just wanted me out with him.
    (This is the point where I began to ask myself–wait, is “Paul” in to me or on to something?)
    Anyway, I thought nothing of it, said yes & thought ‘well, hey, maybe he just really needs someone to help him shop!’
    So I meet up with the guy and we go about ‘shopping’.
    Of course, it felt weird to be in a mall with him during the day (& not out at night in some bar w/ lots of alcohol & friends). But I tried to keep my cool anyways & acted as how I’ve always acted around him.
    Most of the people (sales reps, the other people in the store) would ask if we were together or if he was my boyfriend, I woud laugh & tell them ‘No, he’s just a real good friend of mine.’
    I did notice though he was acting different. Like, he was nervous or something. I noticed he didn’t have as much to say. Not as flirty. Not teasing too much. Just–different. He would jumble up words, act awkwardly–different! Anyway, I tried not to think anything of it anyhow.
    After shopping we decided to go & grab a few drinks.
    After we downed a couple bottles that’s when I saw the old “Paul” resurface again. He was more talkative now & more relaxed.
    And, of course, topic about my ‘ex’ couldn’t be avoided. I was telling him about this & that & about my depression & whatever & what I’ve been doing to get over it & deal with the whole situation blah blah blah.
    I would always tell “Paul” anything and wouldn’t give a damn about it (as I usually do with my guy friends),
    but this time, he was like, dropping lines like, “You know what you need? You need a rebound. Hey, I’m here!” & usually I’d just laugh this stuff off, but somehow, I really felt he somehow meant it, you know what I mean? Which concerned me. He said everyone has needs, you know. Physical, sexual. He said he totally understood that.
    In my head I was already thinking, ‘oh man, Paul really is up to something’ But at this point I was really confused as he was just totally a ‘Friend’ in my eyes (& i’ve been reading up on articles about how there is no such thing as a “friend zone” in the men’s world).
    Oh, also, while we were shopping, he told me that he was going to leave for another state on the other side of the coast for a gig or something. That’s why he needed all the new clothes. And he’s going to be there for about half a year. And he’s leaving in about a week’s time.
    So after the beer we decided to go smoke out at his place (I have flatmates so we couldn’t really hangout & make too much noise at my place).
    We had more drinks at his place & I even brought a DVD as I planned to watch a couple movies (y’know, just hangout).
    But what happened was (& I’m not gonna lie nor be naive and pretend like I didn’t see it coming), we did end up sleeping with each other.
    I dont know, blame it on the booze, the smokes, my state of mind (coming from a breakup & all) & the fact that I haven’t had sex in a while…but yeah, we did it.
    And I TOTALLY totally regretted it the day after.
    I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t considered it. From the point where he was dropping hints while drinking the beers, telling me to rebound with him, telling me that he wanted to enjoy his last days in the city as much as he can while he still can, etc etc, I was already considering ‘Am I going to sleep with him or not?’
    I really didn’t want to. I LOVED what we had! The friendship that we had. And I knew sleeping with him would change things…and it did.
    Anyway, after HOURS of sex, we finally gave it a rest and turned in for the night. But I couldn’t really sleep.
    I was totally expecting it to be like a one-night-stand kind of setup, a wham-bam-thank-you-maam kind of thing. But no, afterwards, we cuddled and hugged each other. Every now & then we’d make out.
    & I wouldn’t deny the fact that I felt a little something in his kisses, like, I don’t know, a ‘spark’ perhaps..?
    And at this point I was totally off my buzz & I was already thinking ‘what the hell am I doing’
    Anyway, I was lying in bed & everything, my eyes closed, facing the other way.
    And he would come up behind me and spoon-hug me, put his arms around me, put his head on mine, and when our hands touched, our fingers would intertwine. And, for me, it would feel too weird so I would pull my hand away and pretended to be just adjusting my position.
    I noticed the light coming in from the window & I knew I had to get out of there before the sun really came up & the reality of the whole situation would dawn itself on me/us (no pun intended).
    So when he got up & out of the room I quickly washed up & got dressed.
    I was about to leave when I met him at his bedroom door as he was about to go in.
    I told him I really had to go as I didn’t want to go out with the sun at full blast.
    He told me I could stay longer if I wanted to.
    I told him I really wanted to go.
    He walked me to the gate and I kissed him for a bit in the doorway.
    I could NOT look in to his eyes.
    I told him to have a safe trip, then left.
    Later that night he sent a text message, asking me if I wanted to come over.
    I made up some excuse to not go (I couldn’t go out) and told him we should hangout the next day instead. He said that was cool.
    I knew he probably wanted more sex (well, at least, that’s what I’m thinking’s going to end up happening if I went back there).

    So now, I ask, whatthehell is going on here. I told one guy friend of mine (someone who I really really trust and is like a brother to me) and he said I shouldn’t let this thing get to my head & that I shouldn’t feel bad about it & whatever.

    But now, as the days go on & I analyze the whole situation more, I get more & more confused.
    Confused I guess because I don’t know what to make of his actions.
    I’m his friend. We were good friends. I liked it that way. But it felt to me like in a SNAP he turned in to a fuckbuddy =( which is what I don’t/didn’t want.
    I guess, ultimately, I just want to know:
    Does he have feelings for me?
    Did he really just wanted to fuck me? Want me as a fuckbuddy instead of a friend?
    Did he want to fuck me because I just became single/available again?
    Did he want to fuck me because he was leaving for another state soon?
    Why, of all people, did he want to sleep with me, his friend? When he can probably sleep with any girl he points his finger at (Yes. He is EXTREMELY attractive. But he is just not my type, you know what I mean? But he was totally the heartthrob at school. & maybe the fact that I wasn’t one of those girls who would cream their panties in his presence is what made him go after me..? Because I was just who I was around him & not some glass-eyed girl who wanted him as her boyfriend. I don’t know…just thinking)
    But now, I am considering the possibility of ‘something going on there’, you know what I mean?
    But I don’t want to start & think about these things without knowing whether or not he just wants me as a fuckbuddy…or something more.
    And I really am hoping more for the latter than the former.

    Anyway RobbyG this is turning in to a freakn novel now. I really hope you could help me out…
    Your input/insight on the whole situation would really help me on what moves I’m going to make in the future.

    Again, thanks RobbyG!!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:
    May 1st, 2010 at 8:55 am

    @Confused Jane: Well that’s definitely a long story, but nicely written I must say. Anywho, to the topic now, I have to say that he’s into you. At first I thought that maybe he just wanted to sleep with you simply because he is moving, he always had a thing for you and just wanted to get it out of the way, etc, but the whole thing about cuddling, kissing you, texting you frequently, and most importantly the way he acted around you when you went shopping was a clear give away that he likes you more than just a fuck buddy or friend (as he always has). Initially he fell into the friend zone and didn’t know how to approach you about an actual relationship and those flirty jokes you did only made him feel like you’re teasing.
    The problem isn’t in the fact that he likes you, it’s in the fact that he is moving to a different State, so I can’t imagine how you will make things work. Also, the questions you’re asking yourself right now are not the ones you SHOULD be asking. It’s clear now that he likes you and most likely always hoped that there would be something between you. You should ask yourself if you can handle being in a long-distance relationship with him; if you can really ever view him more than just a friend you slept with; and if you think you will make a good couple.
    Essentially, do not stress the fact that you slept with him and that he was always into you as more than just friends. But you mentioned that you’re hoping that he does like you as more than just fuck buddies and I can say he really does and you should openly discuss with him how he’d like to proceed with this if you are willing to be his girlfriend.

    Reply to Comment

    Confused Jane Reply:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 9:16 am

    Robby, thank you sooooo much for this reponse. And YES!
    Those questions are EXACTLY the questions I should be asking myself… =/
    LTR..? I never believe in them.
    More than just a friend..? (in the week since it has happened, yes, I considered it…& I think we can be….)
    Good couple..? That’s something we’ll have to find out…

    I’ll update you guys after 6months.. ;^)

    Again, thank you so much Rob!!

    Reply to Comment

    # 29 April 2010 at 5:29 pm

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