Doing What’s Right for You
Alright, I’ll try to make this as clear as I can.
About 2 years ago I started dating an ex of a friend of mine. Needless to
say the girl and I are no longer friends..hate each other in fact. Anyways,
we broke up in May 2010 and he started talking to her again about a month
and a half later. He lied to me about hanging with her for like 4 months,
and they started dating in October of 2010. He cheated on her the entire
time with me. In May 2011 I saw pictures of them from prom, (which he told
me he was not going to) and I told him if he was going to lie to me I was
gonna let him go. He then told me he was waiting for me to “become more
mature, and that he didn’t want us to lose feelings for each other.” They
broke up in July 2011 and he acted like everything was great between us and
he was ready to give us another shot. Late July he found out about a hook up
I had with another guy in April (while he was STILL with this girl) and
furiously he told me he was going to go back to the ex. They dated for
about 2 more weeks, and then broke up. We still hung out and hooked up, and
everything seemed great. About 3 weeks ago he started to become
distant…and about a week ago a picture went up on his Facebook of him with
another girl I’ve never seen before. What I want to know is whether he’s
playing with me and if I should cut him off or if I should try to get an
answer out of him. I tend to be a very determined person so I’d really love
any advice you have about how i can try to make him jealous. Thanks do much 🙂
When I give advice on this blog, I can never be non-biased and I always incorporate personal experience into the mix. So straight away I will tell you the two general policies that I have that I abide to when it comes to dating that relate to your situation. They can be interpreted however you like and they’re just there to keep things simplified for me. They also help me keep out of relationships that would usually end bad and make me feel like the relationship was all a waste of time.
The first general rule is there because I cherish my friendships more than any relationship that may develop with a girl who used to date a friend. Sure, if they didn’t have a serious relationship and were only messing around then there’s no harm in getting her passed on, or even passing on a girl to the friend. But if they had something serious and then they broke up, then I know that there will be bad blood between us even if the friend claims that he is okay with me going out with his ex. Now, this guy was the reason of you and your friend’s falling out and created an ongoing issue that will most likely not end well. Dating him is of course a personal choice you’ve made and it could have even been because you weren’t that good of friends with that girl to begin with. Either way the guy now believes he’s some sort of player and can juggle you and her at the same time, which in fact is something he’s been able to successfully manage.
Secondly, if you want to know if he’s simply playing with you or if you could trust him enough to be a boyfriend, then it’s pretty clear that he’s not going to be faithful to you just like he was unfaithful to your ex-friend when they were dating. When you hook up with someone who at the time had a girlfriend, they tend to continue being a cheat and when they date you they’ll do the exact same thing to you even though they tell you that you’re different and the entire situation is more serious now. By the by, he already deceived you by telling you that he wouldn’t be at her prom when in fact he was there.
Now your best choice here is to find someone who is more upfront and no-bullshit with you. It’s of course my opinion, but this entire scenario is quite goofy, because if you want to get him jealous so he’d want you back or for whatever reason, then you haven’t really learnt anything from what happened. Getting him jealous would be falling back into the same perpetual routine drama that you were in, and its something that you will regret getting into. So it would probably be best if you just moved on and found someone who would treat you right and someone who doesn’t have a past of cheating on their ex’s.