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Don’t Get Along, Move On

23 August 2012 3 Comments

Hi Robby,
I am one of those women you try to help. I have the same problem with a FB
shitty relationship or what’s it called and I seek your assistance.
I have been with a FB for almost a year now. We met at a club and started to
text and met a couple of times and then during the fall it went quiet. Then out
of the blue he texted me again just before Christmas and wanted to sleep with me
again. I told him it probably wouldn’t be a good idea since it after all was no
good the last time.
But I got convinced and we started to have sex. We texted all day, every day for
six months and everything went so well.
Until the day when I thought we could try to do other stuff, like watch a
movie, have dinner or just a walk, not just spend time in his bed. He was ok
with that but nothing ever happened. I noticed a change in his behavior, he
wasn’t as happy and flirtatious and fun in his texts anymore. And one evening I
went out with some friends and we bumped into him. He was just stone cold, said
hello and nothing more. He was really friendly with my friends and they hugged
and laughed and danced but not with me. I got really sad!
When it was time to leave the place one of his friends came up to me and had the
last dance. We made out on the dance floor and I guess my FB saw that. I called
him on my way home but he was busy and agreed to call later. By then the friends
had followed me home and spent the night. My FB called and texted me several
times that night wondering why I didn’t answer, if I didn’t want him to come
over, and I just replied that I too have to sleep sometimes. The day after he
didn’t answers calls. It took 2 days for me to get hold of him.
We had a long chat about what we are, that I wanted to be with him but he just
told me he didn’t want anything serious because then the risk for getting hurt
and betrayed wouldn’t be an issue.
I then knew I messed up! He knew what I had done and that was it for him. After
that he hasn’t been the same towards me. He answers my texts and we have hooked
up a couple of times after that but the spark isn’t there.
Could it be that he had feelings for me and I fucked up when I brought home his
friend? Even though we wasn’t bf/gf?
I have tried to keep the contact but read in another post here to keep my
distance for 2 weeks and I did. Then last weekend I went out with some friends.
And a nice guy came up to me and we started talking. As the night went on he
went to the bar and I went to the bathroom. When I came out I saw the new guy
and my FB was friends! Laughing and having a great time. I panicked and went
home.
Last night I went out again, with a fear that the 2 guys would be there and they
was. It got ugly. My FB ignored me as usual. The friend was happy to see me but
I told him we were having a girls night out and I had do go to my friends.
When it was time to leave I was trying to get hold of the FB just to clear
things out but he was busy with other friends so I left to get a taxi. The new
guy caught up to me and we started talking about everything. He asked me if I
was together with the FB but I told him no. He also told me that they had had a
talk, about me. I asked about what and it came out that the FB had told the new
guy to sleep with me so that he didn’t have to anymore.
We went to the taxi and on the way there the FB called him. He asked something
about the progress of the plan and who he was with.
Then I saw the FB had sent me a text asking if I wanted to sleep with him. I
just laughed it off and told him if he was for real. He told me he wanted to have
sex and just asked. I asked him why and he replied that it is good.
Then I went mental and told him I want more than just sex and why he has to make
a relationship so much more complicated than it has to be and then he never
replied.
I know I should forget all about him! But it is hard. In your opinion, if there
any way to “start over”? To make him mine? To make him realize what
other men say to me, that I am gorgeous and seem like a really good person and
all that.
I would be so glad if you would take the time to come with some advice.
Thanks!
MissPussy

I’m very blunt and honest when it comes to my advice, but I hope people take the best out of these posts rather than dwell on the negatives or my criticisms. We all make mistakes and we’re all different, so when I do state my opinion it’s so we learn from mistakes and see from others’ points of views.

Now, I don’t think there’s a way that you can go back to this guy with your self-respect and dignity intact. And you shouldn’t even want to. The man messages a guy you’re with and tells him to sleep with you just so HE doesn’t have to. Obviously he’s trying to look like the big man in front of this friend of his just to shove it in people’s faces that he slept with you and he can get you back any time he wants, but it’s HE who doesn’t want YOU. And that he’s in control of the situation. That alone should open your eyes to the fact that this guy just saw you as nothing more than a FB. Then when he calls you and not only cockblocks the fella you’re with but offers to have sex flat out, it proves that he is disrespectful and not only that he doesn’t approach the situation right but he does it with no subtlety or even room for humour.

Your relations are very skewed and have gotten sort of unrepairable in the way you want them to be repaired. I think you can get him back to become a FB, but getting a relationship out of him is probably not going to be possible. you already know what my suggestion would be though, and that is don’t even waste your time on him. And try to find guys outside of his circle of friends or the circle of people that he knows. The problem was that he got comfortable with you and then when you brought home his friend, he turned bitter. Men are quite territorial even when they aren’t officially in a relationship with a girl. And knowing that you’re screwing around got him mad and made him want to hurt you emotionally rather than forgive you and get back together with you. He figures that he saw your “true colors” and that you’re not as innocent as he perceived you to be. He had certain perceptions of you that you completely crushed when you hooked up with his mate, and that is why he began acting like a douchebag and mistreating you by telling you that you two should sleep together again, since that’s the type of girl you are to him now, in his mind. It has transformed into very black and white situation where there is no grey area, and the best thing for you would be to learn of this and move on. And at the end of the day, just remember to have a good time and don’t get caught up on the same guy that’s mistreating you.

3 Comments »

  • MissPussy said:

    Thanks for your straight on answer! Apreachiate the honesty in all your advices!
    I’ve given all this a good thought over the last 6 weeks.
    I even texted him again last weekend and asked if he wanted to see me and chat or something.
    He said yes and we made plans to meet up later that evening but he never called when he got home.
    The next morning he sent me a text excusing himself for being so tired that he fell asleep on the sofa and never called me. And that is not normally something he have done.
    We texted back and forth during the day and he was really sweet, answered within a second, giggled and I even got a sleep tight when it was time to go to bed. I texted him the next day as well and he was really sweet and flirty then too.
    It feels like something has changed. He feels more calm, happy, interested in what I do/what’s going on in my life. Maybe he has forgiven me for what I did and he has realized what a catch I actually am?
    I’m moving back to my hometown where he lives and I want to believe he sees that as an opportunity to get together again.
    Or he’s just playing me, again…
    Thanks again for your help and advising!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @MissPussy: Interesting to hear that he went back to the way things were just like that. It might just be that he did forgive you and realized that he’s good with you for now. I would be a little weary of his actions though and see how he acts in the near future. Don’t be too trusting off the bat, but enjoy what you have for now. Hope it works out between you two.

  • MissPussy said:

    It’s not really the way things were, not as flirty and easy, and I don’t think it will be again, but still. You dont think he can “change”? Or be true to his feelings and let me in? What do I do, what can I do?
    For now I will focus on the move, getting a job and all that. I’ll keep him as a side project for fun for now and see what happens.
    Thanks agin for the advices!


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