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Don’t Hate the Player, Learn the Game

11 April 2010 6 Comments

Hi Robby,
I have a couple questions for you. Do guys test girls to see if they are
cool and not stalker-like?

I met this guy outside a bar. We hit it off right away. I liked him but
knew to stay away because I got a player vibe from him. He was just too
cute and too smooth for me, his moves and lines seemed to be perfected from
lots of practice…. Plus he just moved here that week and I’m sure he has
plans of partying it up here for the summer. So I avoided him the rest of
the night. I had no intention of giving him my number but he was all about
me and wouldn’t leave the bar without it. He called me a couple days later.
I didn’t respond because I honestly knew his type and didn’t want any of
that in my life. Plus I just got out of an 8 yr relationship and wasn’t
ready to date. He pursued me for three weeks with flirty, persuading calls
and texts. I finally caved in and went out on a date. We had the best time
ever! It seemed as though we clicked in every way. Again though, he was just
too smooth and knew he probably went on a million dates all the time and was
able to lure me into his world with his playa power. I just went with it and
figured I’d play him back. We slept together that night, amazing sex!
I was sure I’d never hear from him again, but he texted me two days
later. He made sure to book me for a date the next weekend. We went out on a
second date. It was also so much fun. We talked about everything and found
out we had so much in common. He didnt seem as much of a player as I
thought. It seemed as though he was even taken back by our connection. He
said such sweet things that seemed so sincere. He even asked me to hang out
with him in 3 weeks because he wanted me to meet his buddies that were

We of course had more hot sex that night. But it was more than just that or
at least I thought it was. I woke up the next morning to him cooking me
breakfast. How sweet and un-player like? or is it? Anyway, he walked me to
the train and told me he’d call me later. It’s been 12 days since and have
not heard from him. How weird? I honestly don’t want a boyfriend or anything
but am shocked because I read people really well and it seemed as though he
was totally smitten by me.

Could it be that I our connection overwhelmed him? Or that he thought I was
girlfriend material and just didnt have the heart to tell me he didnt want a
girlfriend right now? Or is he testing me to see how I’d react to him not
calling? Or is it straight up that he’s just not that into me?

I don’t get the game. I kind of want to put him in his place. I can take
being rejected. I’d rather him be straight up with me than just sleep with
me and toss me away like an old newspaper.

I was going to text him in a few days if I dont hear from him and just say
“Hey, whats up? ” . Or should I just not contact him again?

What do you think? Is he playa or what?

Thanks for any advice,

That’s actually quite weird that he hasn’t gotten back to you in 12 days. From what you have described, he seems like though he has had his set of “good moves” which would make you think of him as a player, it sounded like he was genuinely interested in you. I think that you should definitely give him a call to see how he is doing. It could also be that he felt some sort of reluctance on your part, because even though you were feeling the connection, you sound like you were a little bit cautious of him because he may have been a player. And he may have taken your cautious approach as desiring distance between the two of you. Now, before I answer your questions, I’d like you to think about something first. If you don’t want a boyfriend, do you really want to have this connection grow and turn into one of you really (if not both) liking each other more than just friends or fuck-buddies?

From what you’ve said, he sounds like a player with a heart of gold, yet was capable of disappearing on you just like that plain and simple. It just doesn’t add up. I was actually in a very similar situation quite recently. I met a girl at a pub and we hit it off very nicely and we went out a couple of times, always ending up in my bed. I also treated her with respect but was quite clear with her that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. She, similar to you, was rather laid back and wasn’t looking for anything serious but just liked spending time with me. We connected well and had interesting conversations and great sex, yet after some time we sort of went our separate ways. After I rescheduled a date and she rescheduled another date, I simply gave up on her because I thought that if she was interested in seeing me again then she’d just give me a call. It makes me think however, maybe she in fact still expecting a call from me and if I had moved on without really putting up even the slightest attempt at reconnecting with her. I think that since your situation is frightfuly similar to mine, even in the details of me cooking for the both of us once, I think that there may have just been a confusion and he may in fact be interested in seeing you again, and if not for a serious relationship then just for an occasional date or some sex. Try calling him up and asking him if he’d be interested in seeing you again sometime. He seems like an understanding guy and it is best to find out directly from the source why he hasn’t called or texted you in so long.

Now to further discuss your thoughts on players and the game, I really have to say that there should not be these negative connotations pre-imposed on the idea of seeing or falling for a player. What exactly is a player? A player is someone who is good at attracting women and having them like and sleep with them. These other ideas that women have of them as being more keen on cheating or not being capable of falling for a one girl are false. A player is just someone who can read women well and use that gift in practise. It certainly comes with experience, but it does not mean that they are selfish and only care about themselves, they actually usually make for better company because they know what women want to hear and what they want to talk about. It does not mean they fabricate these qualities in themselves, but over the years it has become innate in them to speak on topics that interest women. Men often fail to listen and speak on the subjects women find fascinating and therefore they fail at getting women to date them. And the good players tend to explain to the women that they are not interested in serious relationships and handle things rather gentlemanly and do not disappear on them without reason, because they would have learned through experience that it is best to drift apart mutually if there was any fuck-buddy relations between them. The only reason one would disappear after sharing a history with you is one of two reasons: He has a girlfriend he was cheating on with you, which I highly doubt; or if he may have felt that you may have wanted him to for some reason. So my suggestion is to contact him with a phone call and see what he says. I bet that though he may not want a serious relationship, he will be glad that you called and will set a date unless of course he found himself a girlfriend in the time apart.


  • Anderson said:

    Or maybe he’s too good a player…?!
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  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Anderson: I doubt it seriously, because if he was such a great player he wouldn’t mess up his reputation just like that by making the girl thinks he’s into her and then disappearing like that. Unless something better came up, there is just no logical reason to want to confuse the girl for no reason. This move is done by someone who thinks its cool to pull this act when it’s really not benefiting anyone, including himself. A player would have the common decency to at least call, just so he can toggle her along so he can get laid again in the future if he ever decides to.

  • Anderson said:

    @Robby G, or maybe he just found another ‘victim’ and only enjoys the thrill of having netted someone and just doesn’t enjoy it as much after that…?

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Anderson: That’s definitely a possibility that Kiki should take into perspective. Thanks for adding that comment. Either way though, a phone call on her part to check up wouldn’t hurt, I think. It’s been over two weeks, so why not just crush the curiosity by taking the initiative to make the call first, you know?

  • Anderson said:

    that surely is a possibility…if he sounds disinterested, then she should know what to do…get him out of her mind! 🙂

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