Don’t Make it Look Like a Break-Up
Dear Robby G,
Two years ago my boss’ son kissed me suddenly on the lips and since then we
have been secretly seeing each other. In the beginning it was never
about sex, nor making out with each other but more casual, flirting, sexting
etc etc. Then we started having sex.
The thing is, my boss treats me like I’m his daughter, I go over to their
house and he really treats me like family. HOWEVER, Terrence does not
look at me twice when he sees me over at the house, etc.
Now, I can tell that our relationship is strictly on a fuck buddy basis but
sometimes I tend to confuse FB with friend. He doesn’t reply to my texts (I
don’t call) and when he does its usually to “get together”.
I don’t mind because I have sex FOR ME, and not about him. Sometimes I
really feel used when he doesn’t check up on me because before we started
having sex I was used to that type of friendship. I know sex has changed
things but I don’t know what to do. We have made it clear with each other
about feelings and I told him that I can’t tell where feelings can go but if
he wants out he can and I will be cool with his choice. HE chose to stay.
Recently I moved out from my parent’s home and 2 minutes from where he
lives.. he lies about this girl telling me that she is not his gf but his
brother (who knows about us) says things are different… so he lies to me.
It’s very hard for me to get out. I just don’t know how to do it. Please
It will be a little bit difficult for you to exit this relationship, since he is in fact your boss’ son and you never know how he will react to it. This means you will have to let him down quite easy and so he doesn’t feel like you are breaking things off with him, but you are only taking a break from dating all together and are only focused on being friends. Also, because you want to break things off, I don’t suggest that you make a big deal about the fact that he may be seeing another woman (which you heard from his brother).
In order for you to move on and make sure he sees that you’re moving on, I think it would be best to not make him jealouse, but instead portray that you are not interested in the same things as he is at this time in your life. When he calls, talk to him like any other friend, but if he asks to meet, tell him you are busy. And in fact don’t just use that as an excuse but actually start doing something that will take up your time. You can take up a hobby or do something productive that you’ve always wanted to do but could not find the time for. This way you are not lying to him, but are honestly moving on. He cannot confront you, saying that you seem distant, because you are doing something that is beneficial to you and he doesn’t have the right to try and change your mind about it. Also, if he keeps persisting to meet, go ahead and meet, but show him that your mind is somewhere else at the time. Fidget a little, think about other things so he sees that you’d rather be elsewhere, and don’t take things further sexually. These are all signs that show him that you’re not too interested in getting into any type of relationship, whether fuck buddy or formal. This way he doesn’t get offended that you seem to not show interest in him, and he may even become happy for you that you have found something in life that doesn’t involve strictly men that makes you happy and takes up so much of your free time. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you completely give up men to focus on some other tasks, but give yourself a little break so he sees that you’ve genuinely outgrown him. If you meet another great man then without a doubt pursue it, but keep it more to yourself rather than sharing it with him. He will see that you’re okay with being just his friend and he may even become more open with you, revealing the other woman in his life. Acting slightly indifferent to what is going on in his personal life, yet without showing contempt can really work wonders. Give him advice if you want, but do not for any reason portray jealousy. You want to break things off so why not make Terrence realize that you have developed more as an individual and your interests are no longer the same as his and he is no longer even close to your central focus of interest. Be nice to his family and especially his father who already treats you like a daughter, and do not give him any more attention than anyone else when you go over to their home.
This way you will not seem like someone who broke things off with him, nor as someone who caused a huge scene and turned this into a big deal. Instead, you’re taking the high horse and moving on without making any of it seem like an issue at all. And who knows, maybe whatever hobby you decide to take up will end up benefiting you a whole lot in the long run as well.