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Friends With Benefits Leading To A Relationship

19 October 2009 6 Comments

Hi, I have a question.
I have been sleeping with this guy for about 11weeks. He start talking to
me and told me that he wants to be a fuckbuddy and that he doesn’t want a
relationship. When we start sleeping together I slept with 2 other guys but
I didn’t tell him about it because he is fuck buddy so he doesn’t need to
know. Then I found out after probs 6weeks in to this FB relationship that he
didn’t sleep with anyone but me. He would text me al the time pretty much
everyday and we’ll see each other at least 4days a week, weekend was always,
he took me out for breakfast one time and cooked for me a couple of nights,
and came visit me for lunch just to say hi if he was around in the area.
Then recently he start sleeping with other girls. He messages me less and
messages are short, and we don’t see each other as much anymore. Last week I
seen him only one night but he pop in to say hi at lunch time for about
15min. and on the weekend I didn’t see him at all. We were messaging but it
was really short and sometimes he won’t text back. I am really confused and
not sure what I should do. Because I don’t want to end it, in fact, I am
hoping to take this to the next level but I’m not sure what I can do to do
that or is it too late? Please help me!!

I would say that you should go ahead and ask him about the other girl he’s sleeping with and if it’s serious between the two of them. Do not seem like you’re interested in taking things to the next level unless it comes up in conversation, but try to feel out if he’s on the same page as you and that he is in fact interested in having a relationship that isn’t just based on fucking. It looked like he was actually into you more than just as a typical fuck-buddy between the 11 weeks you were together. I would not advice you to tell him about the two other guys you’ve been with during the time you were fucking around because it shouldn’t matter to him and isn’t any of his business, for that matter. It really seems like you took what you had for a granted a little but now that he seems to be distancing himself a little, you begin to appreciate what you had with him. Sorry if that sounded judgemental and a little offensive, I don’t mean to be, it’s just something that if you realize for yourself may help you out in this situation. So ask yourself, do you want the fuck buddy relationship with him or do you want him more than that now that he is slowly drifting away?

Re-Climbing the Same Mountain

Imagine that you’re starting things back from zero. Try to reinsert the “friendship” into the relationship instead of just fuck buddies and slowly take it from there. Friends go out, have fun, meet with other friends, etc. Show him that you’re good for more things than just a routine sex stop. So once you’re “friends” again, well, “friends who fuck” you’re basically one step from a full relationship. Overtime, as you begin to go out more, have dinners, and of course have sex, he and you both will grow an attachment which is beyond intimacy, but is emotional, and that way you will be able to one day sit down and have a serious conversation about where you’d like your relationship to go. This is easier said than done, I know, but right now just focus on re-befriending him and act like an actual friend towards him and do all the stuff friends do instead of showing that you don’t care about anything except a nice night in bed with him. Hope I’ve been helpful and thanks for your question.


  • Jordan said:

    Yes, you need to become friends and then incorporate the sex and then that’s basically a relationship! Good luck.

  • Katie said:

    Thank you so much!! We actually been hanging out last week he asked me over to ‘hang out’ and we watched a movie and went to bed and the next night he asked me to come over to ‘watch a movie with him’ and went to bed. We havent had sex those days and seen him friday and saturday night and left in the mornings. He came over my house last night. Im not sure if I am ment distance more or something but il see how I go. I may just actually wanting a company instead of a BF. I figure what I want first. Again thank you

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Katie: Glad it’s working out. Let the friendship dig in first and then take it from there. It should work out if it’s the way you say it’s going. All the best.

  • Anamika said:

    Please don’t mind but its a bitter fact that the relationships that start with sleeping together land no where. He has been a good guy, but is using you for his physical desires. There are no feelings in this relationship. Even if they are, its yours. So better forget him.
    .-= Anamika´s last blog ..Get The Ex Back Who Dumped You – Tips For You =-.

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  • Mike J said:

    can you write about when is the right time to live together with the girlfriend?

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