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From a One Night Stand to a Relationship

5 January 2010 2 Comments

So I met this guy at a party a couple months ago. At this party I was all
over him and this other guy at the same time. He asked my friends if I was a
‘player’ and they all said I was. I ended up hooking up with him and said “I
didn’t want a relationship because I just got out of a 2 yr relationship.”
We ended up exchanging numbers and he ended up texting me and we ended up
hooking up again the next day.

The first couple months of our ‘fuck buddy’ relationships, he was texting
me all the time. We would hook up once a week or so. One night I was at the
club with some of my girls, and he ended up going with some of his guys (we
both didnt know each other where gona be there). At the club he was all over
another chick right in front of me (he was drunk too). I just blew it off,
even though it bothered me a lil bit. A couple nights later he invited me
over to his house for a party so I went. he was telling everybody “I was his
girl” and “we where dating”. I corrected him and said that we where just
sleeping together, and not dating.

A week later he calls me up and invites me to a party of his. I said I’d
probably show up a lil later because I just got off work and needed to take
a shower. He goes “well theres this other girl that I’m sorta seeing. You
always seemed like you never wanted a relationship.” I said “No I didn’t
want a relationship, and I was expecting you to be with somebody else. But I
won’t come over because it’d be a lil wierd.” He says “well you probably
thought we where more then what we where and I feel bad now.” I said “no I
never said that we where more, I never said I wanted more. Theres nothing

A week later he texts me again wanting to chill. So I go over to his house
and we chilled and talked bout life. Neither one of us mentioned anything
about the last time we talked. A couple days after that he asked me to come
over and chill again with one of his friends and him. I go over there and he
kept trying to get me to stay the night with him. I said no I had to go home
that night. In front of his friend he kept saying that just having a fuck
buddy was the way to go and you should never be in a serious relationship. I
ended up leaving that night and brought his friend home. His friend said
that hes amazed that I said no to him and that nobody ever says no to
sleeping with him (staying the night).

My fuck buddys called me a couple of times but each time he acts a little
different. I am starting to like him, but I don’t want to tell him. I don’t
know if hes trying to sleep around to see how I react to it, see if I freak
out. Or if he wants me to freak out about it and finally just break down and
ask him out, or tell him how I really feel. I don’t let him see that I have
feelings for him, and when we hang out I don’t act like I want a
relationship. Is he just playing me? or does he actually want a

It seems like the night when he invited you to his party but said there was a girl he was sorta seeing, he was testing you to see if it bothered you if he was with another girl. The fact that you said you wouldn’t go because of that girl and it would be weird, he probably got the idea that you in fact care and that your “player” image is just an act. Also, since he kept telling his friends that having a fuck buddy is the way to go, it seems like he’s really insecure with exactly what you two share, because at the party before he was telling people that the two of you were together. Now since you corrected him at the party and told people you were just fuck buddies and nothing more, it most likely put a damp in his spirit and so afterward he tried to make you see that you should be his girlfriend rather than just a fuck buddy because then he’d treat you in a better way and wouldn’t try to show off in front of his friends. When he was telling his friends that fuck buddies is the way to go, he was basically trying to make you feel the way you made him feel when he introduced you as his girl and you completely stopped him in his tracks.

From what you’ve written, it seems like he does like you but he’s also trying to figure out an approach that will work with getting you to like him more than just fuck buddies. He knows that since you’re still there and haven’t stopped talking to him that he still has a chance of turning you into a girlfriend, but at the same time he’s battling with himself to try and convince himself that being your fuck buddy is just as good as your boyfriend. The only problem I see with this is that he may get jealous each time you crush his game plan by either telling people you’re not a couple or when you end up taking his friend back home with you. And since you and his friend didn’t sleep together the night you guys went home, it reignites the idea in his mind that you don’t just sleep around with other guys, but you are in fact interested in him, yet still enjoy playing with his mind.

His sleeping around is just to get your attention and get you off your game and as you said, “freak out” and tell him how you really feel. A man who is not interested in a girl does not deliberately make sure to let her know that he’s sleeping around with other girls. He would just be completely neutral towards what you think. Now since he’s clearly interested in pushing your buttons and seeing how you react to his remarks, that means he’s really into you and doesn’t know the best way to express that. That’s also the reason why he acts differently each time you talk to him. He thinks if acting one way doesn’t get you to become more than just his fuck buddy then playing it another way may have better chances. These are all his attempts at outplaying you in your own game and thus luring you into falling for him. And besides, if he took it as far as to introducing you as his girl to the rest of the people at the party mentioned earlier, then he’s obviously not a big fan of just being your fuck buddy, but is interested in being something more than that. So my concluding advice would be that he most definitely wants a relationship with you, but he expects you to be less “outgoing” and more exclusive once you two become a couple. So it’s fair to assume that if you spark up a conversation with him about becoming something more than just fuck buddies, you will end up getting him to be your boyfriend, it’s just a matter of how you approach the topic.


  • Carry said:

    Difficult question, difficult answer but Robby really gives a great response.

  • Michelle said:

    Hi Robby,

    Please advise. I went to Atl for a business trip a month ago and met this awesom man for fun when I was there. We had great time and amazing sex. I told him I am attached and he’s kind of in a complicated relationship as well. By the time he answered my ad, later one when we spent a night together, he told me that I was just a wrong person in a wrong place at a wrong time although he liked me. He said that he was frustrated with his ex-girlfriend who is still living with him. She went vacation with her ex-boyfriend. They had up and down relationship.

    With us, we had really great sex and connection but it was it when I left Atl and back to my home town. A week later I invited him to go to NY with me since I’ll go there for a business trip. At that time he told me he wanted to see me again but he couldn’t, not becs of his ex-girlfriend but bcs of his business and other reasons. Then we left it at that. Just few days ago he texted me and said that he could make it to NY with me. We went on to plan a trip to go to NY next week. I am very excited to see him again. However, when I asked him, just out of curiousity that what reason he decided to come to NY with me, he said he will tell me later but not right now since he doesn’t want any drama with his ex-girlfriend bcs they still share a rental apt. I am going to see him in Ny this week. What do you think about the situation? I like him a lot although I know it’s not going anywhere since we live cross the country with each other and I am attached. I just want to have your opinion why he goes to NY with me while he didn’t want to go when I asked him few weeks ago? To avoid his exgirlfriend for few days, to challenge her? …etc? I am not jealous but it’s just uneasy feeling.


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