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From Fuck Buddy to Girlfriend

14 August 2009 9 Comments

Hi

So my situation started with a weekend away – he had a gf at the time but
we still ended up hooking up….on the last night he said he couldn’t take
my number as it was “complicated” but would add me on fb which he did a few
days later.  We then just used to dirty chat over instant messenger and I
sent him private messages when drunk.

He ended up breaking up with his gf and we got into a fuck buddy situation
but never set out any rules as such….I saw him 8 times in just under 2
months, he used to text me everyday and to be honest I found the whole thing
really confusing.  Think the whole big issue was that I really liked him and
didn’t admit it and pretended I was happy just being fb’s (I have never had
a fb before).

So the other nite I saw on his fb some girl had written about him going
round her mates for dinner the nite before…I know it shouldn’t have
bothered me but it did.  I ended up texting him asking if he was seeing
someone else and if he was fine as there was nothing between us but that I
wouldn’t text him anymore.  He said no I am not seeing anyone and I knew he
would say that…I mean WTF!!!  I decided to not reply, delete him on fb and
delete his number.

I haven’t heard from him since, and part of me really wants to text him but
part of me knows I shouldn’t coz I want more than he is willing to give.

What do I do now?

This is a typical situation many men and women go through when they are in a strictly sexual relationship and then discover new emotions towards their fuck buddy. I had a few times where I liked a girl and if she didn’t show me the same affection I would delete her number and stop talking to her, trying to forget her. And that’s exactly when I learnt my biggest mistakes. When you give up on it and when you decide to forget about it and keep the pain internal, no one wins. The last time I had done something so rash and illogical was quite a while and and ever since then I took things less seriously and do things much more rationally. Now in your situation it’s best to really think about what you personally want. Do you want to be with him as a fuck buddy, a girlfriend, or do you want to have nothing to do with him? Only when you know what you want can you pursue it.

If You Want Him All to Yourself

You must devote some time and patience into it. Men love to chase women. Even though he may have already slept with you, it’s important for you to not act desparate and call him too frequently or “stock” him on facebook. Act and try to be as carefree about his other girls as possible. You two are not in a relationship so you actually do not have any rights to act protective over him. I may be blunt and too direct with my advice, but I’m just telling you what is best in your interest. If you want him all to yourself then try to stimulate some interest in him. Start by messaging him on facebook with nothing more but a funny message, but in a form of a question so he has to reply to you. Then when he replies, write another message on his wall, but this time saying something like, “You should give me a call sometime.” If and when he does, you should try and play it slow. Don’t be too hard on him, act mysterious, and really lure him in by not being afraid to be flirty without putting out too easily. Guys want to have fun and if you’re willing to show that you’re enjoying yourself when you’re with him, but at the same time not putting all your hands on the table then you can easily make him want you in return.

Remaining Fuck Buddies?

Now this can not be easier. If you want to keep a fuck buddy relationship with him, then simply say it to him. I have had quite a few fuck buddies and the one I enjoyed most was when the girl and I spoke very openly about the subject. I would call her whenever I felt like I needed to unwind and she’d call me whenever she wanted to have a good fuck. It lasted a while and then she decided to go out with a guy and decided to be faithful to him therefore she clearly told me she thought it would be best if we would stop our little arrangement. I respected her desire and we basically stopped talking after that. So most importantly you need to set ground rules with him if he is mature enough to discuss them… that is if you want to remain being fuck buddies with him.

What to Do, What to Do?

If you’re saying that though a part of you wants him but the other part believes that you want more than he is willing to give then you may want to try and distance yourself for a few weeks and see how it goes. Get engaged with hobbies or work, get out more and find other guys that may be interesting, and just fill in the time you spent thinking about him with other things. Over time you will forget about him, if you are sure that you want to do that. But be sure what you want exactly before taking any of these advice. Don’t put too much thought in what he says or does, instead focus on your own interests and pursue them. Make sure that you’re wasting your time on him and give him more credit than he deserves. If he was really interested at this point then he would be strong effort to date you, but if he sees that you’re being too desperate then he may see it as a turn-off. Remember, you were already fuckbuddy’s so he definetely finds you attractive. It is all about what you want to accomplish with him and the way you act towards him that will get him to either want to date you or have nothing to do with you.

I hope those advice were helpful. Please leave a comment with your thoughts. For anyone else who needs any advice on dating, leave me a message.

9 Comments »

  • Eve said:

    Hi Robbie

    Thanks for the advo.

    I ended up texting him on Friday when drunk and it turned naughty as usual…he then texted me when drunk sat night which I got Sunday morning and never responded to.

    Have decided that at the end of the day I want more from it than he does so have decided to call it a day.

    I don’t think I need to explain myself or should I???

    It’s soooo hard coz I really like him but the situation is doing me no good… I am not meant to be a casual girl clearly….

    Thanks again for the advo 🙂

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Eve: No problem. And no, no need to explain yourself any more. I know what you mean and if feel that way then there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why I said you should really analyze which way you want things to go and then take it from there. Thanks for your question.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kitty said:

    LET HIM GO, GIRL!
    From experience if he is flighty in the beginning–he will always be.
    Whether he is a fuck buddy, a friend, or boyfriend.
    And since he is your very first fuck buddy experience, just know that those type of guys are NOT good material men to want as a boyfriend anyhow. Just how you over-reacted to him having another FB….you will always wonder that even if your made “girlfriend”.
    I do not know from experience, however, I think its a pretty good assumption. Just makes since.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Kitty: Though some people change, I think you’re right in the sense that once a person acts a certain way towards someone it’s a lot harder to change the way they are towards you rather then if you just meet and start with “Hello”, do you know what I mean? But saying he’s not boyfriend material is too harsh of an assumption I think, since though he may not be perfect boyfriend material for Eve doesn’t mean he’s not good boyfriend material for some other girl.

    Reply to Comment

  • Eve said:

    Hey Robbie

    Thanks again for your advo.

    I did end up texting him again after I posted on here…..he was going to come round but was “too busy”. I then texted him saying let’s just draw a line under it then (when drunk) and then texted him again the next day basically apologising and saying I didn’t know what I was saying….he just said that’s fine. hope you feel better soon (I said I have a hangover) and have a good day. I didn’t respond as didn’t think I needed to.

    I then went on holiday and left my phone at home….he hasn’t texted me since (has been a week and two days now :o( ). Keep telling myself that it is in my best interests to just forget about him as he obviously isn’t that bothered about me hey – am I correct?

    Totally my fault for falling for my fcuk buddy hey.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Eve: It’s not your fault for falling for him, but I really think you should read my post entitled: “Don’t Drink and Call” or text for that matter. Anyways, I can just advise you to complete forget about him and think of him as only a fling that went between you and didn’t last. Think of a bright future and try to go out there and find someone new… and don’t forget to have fun. I really hope my advice have helped in any way and that you get through this.

    Reply to Comment

  • Ken said:

    I totally agree with you. Its is not a good idea not to “Drink and Call’ or text for that matter”

    The best thing is to move on with life.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Ken: Yeah, even though it’s hard, it’s sometimes the best thing to do. Thanks for your comment, mate.

    Reply to Comment

  • Lost said:

    Ok,
    This whole thing is new to me…Really I’m not sure why I searching for advice on this whole thing…but owell…
    Okay, start off the facts… I’m married…recent seperated…25…5 year old daughter. I have been in the same relationship for four years…been married 1 1/2, I actually moved out a month short of our one year! Sense then I have been going wild…I am LOVING… I MEAN TOTALLY LOVING single life! Ahh…breath of fresh air. So, I seen a guy I went to high school with at the bar…numbers were exchanged and actually later on that night I had the best, freakish sex ever! Honestly I did NOT know my body bent, turned, or flipped that way! WOW! He really did a number…and of course going from dull to BAM! I fell! I don’t know why I did! I wanted to be in the hate men, use them for their junk and be done…kinda whoreish…but with style..lol Not with just anyone…but see whats out there…and of course the first great sex I want him all for myself. I hadn’t gone out or drank anything for four years so my party stage was full blown… he actually went out of town the following weekend, and I ended up going home with a friend of his…BIG mistake…I mean it wasn’t bad, but I just can’t stand this guy…but I thought the first one was with another girl from what his friend was telling me….make sense?

    So, of course my wonderful town…word got around…so my “fuck buddy” found out, and asked me point blank and I froze I told him no…I know he knows the truth….but I was embarassed. So, I kept my distance and actually would go to his place whenever he called….then I just felt nasty bout it all…I mean he didn’t treat me bad or nothing we would spend the entire time together, but my feelings had grown each time for him….and I know the feelings can’t be the same in return….so anyways ANOTHER one of his friends knows everything! Well he wanted to “hang out” I told him I am just looking for friends, and what not…and said nothing will ever happen…and he seemed so honest when he said I know I just want to get to know you…pretty much the entire “hang out” was NO STOP TAKE ME HOME! UGH! Then the VERY next day he’s hanging out with my Fun buddy…and when he’s done there he’s texting me! I told my F buddy I’m done with all of it…really the main part is cuz i need to get over him….I should just like move on and have fun right. I mean he’s a F buddy…no strings…and I already bonned his friend…lol so like all the respect is probably out the window…I know he’ll call this weekend…I just need to know should I answer and have fun or keep my phone home and stay single? I just can’t get this guy out of my head! Starting to really piss me off actually…lol

    Am I too much!? lol

    Reply to Comment


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