Hi Robby,
I am currently in a FB situation. I encouraged it to happen, even started it
maybe. We met in a lounge/bar and he came home with me that night, things got
pretty hot and we ended in bed together. After that, he didn’t talk to me until
the 2 day. We started to hang out, and we occasionally had sex, but not as
frequently as we do now. So, we went out like a month or so, and I told him we
were looking for different things, and he said that someday he’d like a
girlfriend like me, but that he doesn’t want to change his lifestyle for now. So
we stopped talking, for like 3 weeks. After that, I started texting him
occasionally to meet at my apartment and have sex, ’cause he was good at it. He
gradually understood what i wanted now, and currently we are FB and have been
for 4 months now. What i don’t understand are the questions he asks me, he asks
me things like how my day was, what’s new in my life, what I did that day, he
hugs me sometimes, kisses me on the forehead, calls me names, etc. What does he
want? I’m confused. I’m the distant, cold, emotionless one. He’s said it to me
several times, that I’m cold with him; I thought that was what he wanted, just
meaningless sex. I don’t have feelings for him though, but I could if I let
myself. I’m not sure if I should open to him or stay shut? Help please! Thanks

Keep at what you’re doing. Don’t give into the emotions of it, because it sounds like he himself doesn’t know what he wants. Many men believe that they can be in charge of the situation and be in a FB relationship, when in all reality for some it doesn’t come that easy. When they see that the girl doesn’t give in and treats the FB relationship as they should, without the emotional attachment, they themselves begin to think that they are doing something wrong, and in turn begin to experience the emotions they thought they could avoid. However, I can speak with knowledge that if you go ahead and change your actions towards him and start expressing feelings then he may turn away from them. It’s a game that needs to be mastered. Some men don’t have the experience and think they are aware of the notion of FB relationships but in reality they are not ready for them. He tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend and since you’re not playing the girlfriend role, he feels like he wants something more, thus he hugs and kisses you and shows emotional ties.

If you don’t want to get too involved and hurt then it’s possibly better to stay shut. And if he shows concern that you aren’t responding to him as he expected, then explain that he was the one to say that he did not want a girlfriend, so you are making sure things stay only physical. Also, tell him that you are keeping it that way because if tomorrow you begin showing emotions and he doesn’t respond the same way then you won’t easily be able to shut your feelings off and you won’t only not have the relationship, but you won’t be able to handle the FB relationship either. He should understand that a FB tries to keep things physical, and even though asking you how your day was is completely fine, expressing hints of affection that transcend that will ultimately end bad.

Most importantly, when you’re in a FB relationship, it is key to keep your options open and still see other people, or at least give other people the chance to get to know you. This way you are not tied to a single person and you are not experiencing the emotional bond that exclusive couples share.