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Fuck Buddy Ultimatum

7 January 2010 5 Comments

I just got out of a bad relationship of three years. During most of it, I
cheated on him with his best friend. Now that the relationship has ended,
The best friend and I have become fuck buddies. It worked for a while but I
have now developed feelings for him. It seems like every time we have sex my
feelings for him grow. I know that all I am to him is a sex buddy, but I
want more. I want to be in a serious relationship with him. Should I tell
him I how I feel, or would it be best to end it? I’m very confused and need

Off the bat, the problem in this situation is that if you do tell him that you like him and want him as a boyfriend then he may not approve of it simply because the way you guys hooked up was through you cheating on his best friend. Even though he may not tell you, he may have a slight inclination to believe that if he makes you anything more than a fuck buddy then there is a chance that you will treat him the same way and end up cheating on him. It’s not written in stone, but there is sometimes a thought in the back of a man’s mind where he judges a girl based on how she has treated past boyfriends. He may be thinking that remaining fuck buddies is the only way he can really keep you wanting him more, because sometimes once a full relationship is adopted then the excitement of not completely being in control of what you want burns out.

Nevertheless, the fact that he was willing to backstab his best friend over a girl shows that he feels committed to you. It is not too common that a man would willingly destroy a close relationship with a friend over a woman if he didn’t think the woman is worth it at the end. Usually, not always, but more times than not, a man would really think long before backstabbing his best friend like that, and unless he is really into the girl, he wouldn’t go through with sleeping with his best friend’s girlfriend. He would go extra lengths to suppress any feelings towards her, and it is only when he really thinks there is no other way around it that he would get into this situation where he knows his best friend could never forgive him.

After that assessment, you want to know whether or not it is best if you tell him that you want a relationship with him or if it is best to end it. Well, this really depends on how you think he will react to it. If you think you are only a fuck buddy in his eyes and he wouldn’t take the chance to make you into his girlfriend, then it may be best to end it. And if you end it, it could actually work in your benefit. It could make him miss you and want you to become his girlfriend. I personally think the best way to approach this situation (and that is if you guys are really fuck buddies on a regular basis) would be to give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are not comfortable with what you guys are doing and think it’s inappropriate. You can tell him you want a relationship and that you always hoped that you two would eventually come to that. And if he cannot supply that then this was just all a waste of emotions and waste of time. You think everything is great, but the fact that you guys are not officially together really bothers you. This way you will feel secure because you are essentially putting down limitations on what he can or cannot do towards your current relationship. Either he will give in and become your boyfriend or he will stop being your fuck buddy altogether. It is best to put this ultimatum down for him before you get too involved emotionally and he begins to manipulate you into thinking that there is a hope that someday you will become a couple, but he is just not ready for it yet and he will continue using you as just a fuck buddy without any real end result.


  • Elizabeth said:

    Thanks Robby G for such a great response! It had never crossed my mind that I must mean something to him, or he would have never risked his friendship. Also, I really like the ultimatum idea. Next time we are together I’m going to tell him that I want something more than just sex. And if he doesn’t, then I will end it. Thanks again for such a great response, if I ever have another dating issue I will definitely ask your advice!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Elizabeth: Glad to have helped and I’ll be happy to answer anymore dating advice. Cheers!

  • Walter said:

    Your ultimatum idea is good, after all, there will come a point when she must face the truth. It’s hard to be in a position where you don’t know where you stand. Just be subtle with the ultimatum. 🙂
    .-= Walter´s last blog ..Words are never enough =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Walter: That’s a great point about being subtle. It can’t seem like too much of a threat, but it has to be clear at the same time.

  • mike said:

    Here’s a question. I’m in a friends with benefits relationship and I’m liking another girl to start dating. How do I tell my f.w.b that I want to stop being her f.w.b but still be friends?

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