F*ck Buddy vs Girlfriend
What’s better to have: a fuck buddy or a girlfriend? Asking this question to friends, acquaintances, and many random people I’ve talked to on subject of girls throughout my time, I was surprised that not as many people as I thought picked fuck buddy. I thought it would be a sure winner, no questions asked, that if a guy can get a good looking girl to sleep with on a regular basis with no other attachment then they’d surely pick that, but there were still many guys choosing girlfriend over fuck buddy. This actually shocked me, and after some analysis I wanted to share my thoughts and opinions on what’s better.
Let’s Start with a Story
What’s a blog if I can’t give my personal encounters, eh? Anywho, I’ve had a girl live in my condo once, a few stories below me, and I got to know her one day while she was walking her dog. We talked, flirted, joked around, and in the end of it all I ended up getting her number. I’d call her occasionally, we’d talk, meet up for little dog walks here and there, and then one day I invited her up and we had ourselves a good ol’ fun time… in bed. We didn’t go out much unless to walk the dog, of course, but you wouldn’t go so far as to call it dating. I’d call her for a booty call and she’d fly up those three stories to my apartment and we’d repeat the whole unholy act of premarital sex. I can tell you now that it was pretty sufficient for me. I didn’t want it to go any further. Then after half a year or so we went our separate ways, but that’s besides the point. There were a few of these women that I’ve had over the course of the past few years and all of them to me were everything I’d ever need. So why would anyone possibly ever want a girlfriend–someone you have to call everyday, pay for dates, be extremely careful when you cheat on, spend nerves making sure she doesn’t cheat on you, etc, etc?
What a Feeling
Well, basically, you want a girlfriend for those very same reasons that I just mentioned above. With a fuck buddy there isn’t any real connection besides the obvious sexual connection. But there’s no mental or emotional connection or support with a fuck buddy. There are times when a man wants to come home and see his beautiful woman greet him. Then if she’d ask you how everything is, you actually want to tell her how your day was, knowing that she actually cares, because she actually loves you. That emotional support is necessary for a man at certain points in his life. And just as those certain points in life come around, they also pass at times, and the man stops wanting to have someone to care for and in return care after him, he just wants to dial up his booty call, have a fun couple of hours, and return back home, stress-free, knowing that there’s no one back there in his home ready to mind-fuck him about why he didn’t call if he was going to stay out so late.
What’s Your Remedy?
In the end, it’s all about what you really find important in this very exact moment of your life. You may have just gotten out of a four year relationship and are tired of all the things that come with a girlfriend and just want to have one or two on-call fuck buddies that won’t harass you about every little detail, but will just want you to come on over, do your thing, and leave the hell back home. Or you may be tired of that player lifestyle and may want to settle down for a little while, have someone to take care after you, have someone to love and appreciate you, have someone you yourself may even want to take care of. So it all depends on what you’re into right now. Are you missing emotional support, or do you just not have time for the rollercoaster ride of what a relationship is. That’s what it boils down to in the end.
Now, I want to leave off with a poll question on the subject:
What do you want more?
- A Girlfriend (60%, 87 Votes)
- A F*ck-Buddy (40%, 58 Votes)
Total Voters: 145
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This is a great post. I have been both at one point or another, at once both. I prefer a fuck buddy but that’s just me.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Kisha: Relationships really drain a lot of energy. Fuck, now people are even timing when to get into relationships because they got too much shit to do–Well, at least I’m like that at the moment.
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Dz Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 10:02 am
couldn’t agree more with you kisha, i tried both and fk buds all the way, i got my studies to do and she has her work and studies as-well. We’r both happy
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Girlfriend is a sure win. We are humans-we need affection, emotional connection, love-not just sex!
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
@Dulce Liebe: Lol are you just saying that because you’re promoting Date.com? But either way, I can see the benefits of both girlfriend and fuck buddy. Interestingly, the polls are swaying towards your argument: the girlfriends are winning.
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BadBoy666 Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Fuck relationships, I mean its very subjective, but really they’re not for me. Came out of one and already had a fuck buddy lined up. She is all I need for now. Fuck the emotional/mental support, that’s for pussies. I am an animal at this point of my life so all I want is some good old sex with no strings attached.
Peace out!!
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Dz Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 10:04 am
RIDE ON!
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Fuck buddies are the way I go, but for some reason most of them get all crazy and try date me. One guy tried to kill himself when I told him he was just sex. So you gotta be careful who you choose as a fuck buddy, make sure they can handle the no strings relationship with you.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
@Bonnie: I’ve had the exact same problem with a couple of girls actually. It starts of as just fucking around with no real label on what we’re doing (assumingly JUST fuck buddies) then they start getting clingy and want to complicate things by getting into a relationship. Not cool.
But when I see guys with the opportunity to just be fuck buddies with a girl and they want more than that I actually die of laughter. That’s like getting to see a cool movie and then WANTING to pay the admission price. C’mon fellas, a movie won’t get any better once you pay for it. lol Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my little metaphor there.
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Khyra Reply:
May 31st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You mean why buy the cow if u can get the milk for free? lol x
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Robby G Reply:
June 1st, 2009 at 1:31 am
@Khyra: Same thing, just trying to keep my saying modern lol.
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Luke Reply:
October 22nd, 2011 at 3:32 pm
That is a horrible analogy. You seem to think that relationships are just things guys put up with in order to get some, and that’s just not true for a lot of guys (dare I say MOST guys over 35 [I'm not over 35 though]). Part of the enjoyment of the “movie” for me would be the love, and that part only comes if you “pay admission”. However, if you truly loved the girl, the “admission” would be basically nothing.
I would NEVER want a fuckbuddy if I could get a girlfriend. I mean, I would be happy with a fuckbuddy if I couldn’t get a girlfriend, but I really want/need the love that a relationship provides, as much as I want/need sex. In my opinion: Sex = Fun. Love = Fun.
Fuckbuddy = Sex = 1 fun thing. Girlfriend = Love + Sex = 2 fun things.
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Fuck friends are great, and actually all I am about. However, there has to be that strong will power on both sides. I have had girls that cried or told me they loved me all along after I stopped calling them up. And fuck, I”m not going to B.S, my first fuck friend I really did start to have feelings for her too…but lucky for me, she moved away.
With my fuck friends, we dont go on dates and shit. I hang with my boys, live my life and hit up any bar I want, if I want a little something, I just call her up, if not, I got other girls on the phone to hit up. Its simple, we are only committed to take care of the deed, nothing more.
Fuck friends are not for everyone. Some people really do get attached even when they keep saying they wont. It sucks, but its part of the game I guess.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
@Crazy Oldie: I gotta agree with you 110% that fuck buddies aren’t for everyone. It’s weird actually, since my whole idea of humans is somewhat more primitive and I assume people are more like animals when it comes to sex. Hit it up a couple of times then move on. But there are guys that fall in love everytime they get with a new girl. Me, on the other hand, I tend to get sick of girls quite quickly. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but it’s been working out quite well for me, because I see a couple of my mates stressing over girls and shiiiet, I’m happy I don’t have that. There’re 3.5 billion women out there, why get caught up on one?
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Only sex addicts should pick the F**k buddy. Everyone needs more than sex.Like love.
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Robby G Reply:
March 20th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Times are changing. Sex is looked at naturally. It’s a requirement by the human body. It’s all scientific, really. When your hormones and sexual drive act up they need to be satisfied with sex so you don’t have to be a particular sex-addict to want to satisfy those urges, but simply be human. It’s societies norms and constraints, which have overtime deteriorated, that have told people over centuries that sex should be repressed until love and marriage. Sure, when you’re in love it’s a benefit, but sometimes you just need to fuck. Also, at times you may be deceived to believing you’re in love when in reality you just need to get laid, and then that whole fantasy of you being in love with that person fades.
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This is very insightful and defiantly very personal for everyone. As of right now F Buddies > Girlfriends because of my busy lifestyle.
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was wondering what the signs are that the other half you are hooking up with is wanting more or feels more than just sex. because am currently in a situation where i am pretty much a fuck buddy… but things have become more intimate and we are realllly good friends anyway and hang out etc. and did before we first hooked up.
a pretty confusing situation to be in… :S
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Robby G Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
@mememe: Try to feel him out. When you two are hanging out is he acting like just a friend or a little more possessive (like a boyfriend). But if you want to TURN him into a boyfriend, the best way to get your male fuck-buddy to date you is when you meet up with him and he’s expecting sex, don’t give it up and say you feel like going out instead. It’s like gradual withdrawal from just fucking and slowly integrating a more intimate relationship.
Another sign that he might be into you for more than just sex is if he’s actually avoiding sleeping with other girls and even avoids talking about other girls in front of you.
Hope that helps.
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No woman wants ONLY to be someone’s fuck toy, you fucking idiots.
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Marie Reply:
June 9th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Well I enjoy it! I like my toy and I wouldn’t have him any other way.
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Rick Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Maybe they don’t want to be your fuck toy but that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to be their fuck toy.
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I notice lots of debate on this subject. Its like there’s two types of women, those who fully accept it and find nothing wrong with it and those who stand very strongly against fuck-buddies. It’s just like Robby said, the times are changing. I think FBs are okay, just it needs to be all handled maturely and respectfully.
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Nice post, thanks a lot for the info – I don’t usually like to reply to blog posts but enjoyed this post. Awesome stuff!, I bookmarked your blog!
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I’m in a situation where I’ve had a sole FB on call for over the last 12 years. She’s great, and fully satisfies my every sexual need as I do her. There’s ALWAYS been a tension between us however and when things start to look more like we’re dating then we end up bailing on eachother. It didn’t seem like anything the first few times, but as time went on, we both began to feel an emotional strain every time we parted. The whole run over the last decade has caused a problem for us both however. We don’t commincate with eachother well because we were always trying NOT to go down the path to a relationship. Since our most recent hookup, things have slightly changed however. I notice she is more jealous around me, and I feel more protective over her, yet we both still haven’t admitted our feelings to eachother. As you can expect because we bottle things up, we argue a lot as well, but this time I convinced her to come to my place this saturday evening to sit and talk everything through and see what we both want from eachother…to set things straight once and for all so there’s no more confusion. I really think this girl might be the one for me, and I am hoping she might feel the same. After all the relationships we’ve both been through (dozens and dozens), we keep flocking back to eachother, so there must be some connection there…..
Anyway i’ll stop ranting, I just wanted to get that off my chest as I’m really nervous to see how tomorrow goes.
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Sherry Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
All considering this was posted last year June; I really hope that this worked out for you. I have a similar situation back and forth for 4 years so I know exactly where this is coming from.
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I have been good friends with this guy for a while – never really took notice of him much till right before I moved away. Was a really sweet guy the more I got to know him so I developed the biggest crush on him, but on the side, I’ve had my boyfriend of 3 years so never did anything with the other guy. Until we met up again months later he just happened to be in town and we screwed. My boyfriend was a rollercoaster ass hole that I had already been tired of anyway but stayed with to see further how we’d work out but once I got with the other dude I broke up with my boyfriend. NOW we’re in the fuck buddy status – both single and like it that way – he has a job where he has to travel around a lot and I’ll invite him certain times of the year to hang out in random parts of the country and let him know that doing him dirty is part of the plans.
SO I feel like we’re a little more than fuck buddies since we still talk about hanging out and havin fun, but the whole traveling around on the job for him and me being busy partyin and goin to school has left us just like that. Fuck buddies – I’ve never been in this kind of ‘relationship’ before – Feedback Please! Just need reassurance that maybe it’s just is what it is.
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I had this fear of showing my feelings so what I do is I only have one night stands but sometimes guys can catch feelings for you even after a one night stand. I think everyone wants to be loved at one point so now I have a serious boyfriend but I’m not in love. I guess love will come later.
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Robby G Reply:
December 12th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@deedee: I think sometimes if you want to find love then you actually have to look for it. I personally have never gotten into a serious relationship unless I have really strong feelings for the girlfriend before getting into it. If I see that over time those feelings subside rather than grow then I know it usually ends bad because she gets used to me but I only feel growing apart.
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I had a FB. We started out as friends, moved into Friends-With-Benefits, but soon the benefits took over the friendship and we sort of devolved into Fuck Buddies. Yes, there is totally a difference.
Personally I couldn’t do it. I ended it once I realised that I am not the kind of girl who can carry on such an arrangement. More power to those who can.
I am not against FWB/FB’s as a rule, I’m open to the idea and I’m sure that with the right person it might be achievable. However; this particular experience has made me wary. I didn’t think I’d fall for the guy, as we have no emotional connection, and I really just thought of him as a friend. And it’s not that I fell for him, really, but there was a definite attachment which would only have deepened had I allowed it.
So I walked away. It stung a bit, but I am not the type to keep settling for something if I want more.
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Robby G Reply:
May 28th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
@Flicky: It’s great how you were able to sense that you were getting too close and moved away at the right moment. Many times people start hoping that their fuck buddy has developed the same type of feelings and that’s where they end up getting hurt. These sort of relationships aren’t for everyone and I personally enjoy them much more than serious relationships, but again it’s just not for everyone and you should only get into the type of relationships (whether fb or formal gf/bf) that make you happy.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
.-= Robby G´s last blog ..Man’s Perspective on a Fuck-Buddy She’s Into =-.
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i was always in a relationship with guys.. i couldnt stand just being with someone and just fucking them. But now that im busy and a single mom, i dont have the time to be in a relationship and go on dates… so when i have time… i just call a FB. Just recently started doing that… its better theres no emotionally attachment, i dont have to worry about what there going through or feeling… jealousy and spending money.
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‘When I see guys with the opportunity to just be fuck buddies with a girl and they want more than that I actually die of laughter. That’s like getting to see a cool movie and then WANTING to pay the admission price.’ – Wanting to be in a full relationship with someone you really care about – even if they are just asking for sex – and paying for a movie you could see freely are two completely different things. But I’m sure you can tell the difference. Maybe when you’ll end laughing…
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Luke Reply:
October 22nd, 2011 at 3:35 pm
+infinity
I agree completely
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I use to want a boyfriend but no dude wants a controling and mean ass girfriend so I said fuck it and now all I have for the past two years is fuck buddies but some guys get annoying and keep calling and textin me too much to “chill” I don’t want to chill with them at all. fuckin wit them once was enough for me I don’t want to fuck them again and maybe there sex wasn’t that good or dick too little, some issue that I definitely don’t wanna fuck wit them again. I did find one guy that his sex was great and I keep commin back when I need it and he doesn’t stalk me or blow up my fone and I never bother him so I finally have a constant fuckin partner cuz I hate skippin around on dick. I just want one guy I fuck with on the regular. U know girls and there emotions I think I might like him just a little but its whateva I still just wanna fuck him reguardless. Fuck buddies are great.
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“be extremely careful when you cheat on”? ….Really?
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i have had my fuck buddy for nearly 12 years and we are still going strong
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I had both in college. Obviously, there are benefits to both scenarios. For those who say women don’t like to be just a FB, I can say for sure that is definitely not true. I had a FB in college, and she actually had several FB guy friends who she had no intention of letting it get any father with.
She’d go out with a short skirt and no underwear on those days she was a bit horny, and several times she got a new FB out of the deal. If there was one thing she was really good at, it was sex! I’ve never seen a woman with more intense orgasmic capacity than that girl!
Unfortunately her sex drive was so strong that it kind of messed up her life in a way. She thought more with her clit than with her head sometimes. She would have such intense orgasms, that just about all she could think about was how to get another one sometimes. The problem was that it wasn’t always great for her personal life, such as when she later got married and her husband was away.
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“So it all depends on what you’re into right now. Are you missing emotional support, or do you just not have time for the rollercoaster ride of what a relationship is. That’s what it boils down to in the end.”
Yeah, I couldn’t pick one thing over the other. A fuck buddy and a gf both have their good and bad points. As long as I’ve got one of the two at all times, I’m happy enough. It’s when you don’t have either one that things get messed up.
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I’d like to get sex pictures and videos
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Depends on whether you can separate love and sex… some can, some can’t
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“there were still many guys choosing girlfriend over fuck buddy. ”
When it comes down to it, it’s still all about the emotional connection.
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I too like the regular no ties sex, however I feel in the final analysis it is very empty. Kinda of makes me feel like a dog running around the neighborhood getting it on with any other dog I see. A relationship takes a lot more out of you including time, money and emotions, but it also gives you a lot more than just sex.
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I find it hard to separate love from sex, because when I have sex I get all these good emotions for the person that is giving me all this pleasure, and then I find out he’s giving pleasure all over town, its not just me boo! I just want him to want just me for a little while, not forever, I want a genuine emotionally present sexy good time. Where no one is denied anything. But at the same time I don’t want a relationship with some one I’ve just started fucking. Its wierd that that gets assumed sometimes, if your friends and the sex drives you wild for more. Then lets just enjoy that. Don’t try and lock people down. People need to breath and be free. So maybe what I’m saying is I wish I didn’t know that my fuck buddy was having sex with other women. I like walking on a tight rope between in a relationship and being a fuck buddy. Because its feels cold and mean to think that some one can kiss you so well and feel nothing.
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