F*ck Buddy vs Girlfriend
What’s better to have: a fuck buddy or a girlfriend? Asking this question to friends, acquaintances, and many random people I’ve talked to on subject of girls throughout my time, I was surprised that not as many people as I thought picked fuck buddy. I thought it would be a sure winner, no questions asked, that if a guy can get a good looking girl to sleep with on a regular basis with no other attachment then they’d surely pick that, but there were still many guys choosing girlfriend over fuck buddy. This actually shocked me, and after some analysis I wanted to share my thoughts and opinions on what’s better.
Let’s Start with a Story
What’s a blog if I can’t give my personal encounters, eh? Anywho, I’ve had a girl live in my condo once, a few stories below me, and I got to know her one day while she was walking her dog. We talked, flirted, joked around, and in the end of it all I ended up getting her number. I’d call her occasionally, we’d talk, meet up for little dog walks here and there, and then one day I invited her up and we had ourselves a good ol’ fun time… in bed. We didn’t go out much unless to walk the dog, of course, but you wouldn’t go so far as to call it dating. I’d call her for a booty call and she’d fly up those three stories to my apartment and we’d repeat the whole unholy act of premarital sex. I can tell you now that it was pretty sufficient for me. I didn’t want it to go any further. Then after half a year or so we went our separate ways, but that’s besides the point. There were a few of these women that I’ve had over the course of the past few years and all of them to me were everything I’d ever need. So why would anyone possibly ever want a girlfriend–someone you have to call everyday, pay for dates, be extremely careful when you cheat on, spend nerves making sure she doesn’t cheat on you, etc, etc?
What a Feeling
Well, basically, you want a girlfriend for those very same reasons that I just mentioned above. With a fuck buddy there isn’t any real connection besides the obvious sexual connection. But there’s no mental or emotional connection or support with a fuck buddy. There are times when a man wants to come home and see his beautiful woman greet him. Then if she’d ask you how everything is, you actually want to tell her how your day was, knowing that she actually cares, because she actually loves you. That emotional support is necessary for a man at certain points in his life. And just as those certain points in life come around, they also pass at times, and the man stops wanting to have someone to care for and in return care after him, he just wants to dial up his booty call, have a fun couple of hours, and return back home, stress-free, knowing that there’s no one back there in his home ready to mind-fuck him about why he didn’t call if he was going to stay out so late.
What’s Your Remedy?
In the end, it’s all about what you really find important in this very exact moment of your life. You may have just gotten out of a four year relationship and are tired of all the things that come with a girlfriend and just want to have one or two on-call fuck buddies that won’t harass you about every little detail, but will just want you to come on over, do your thing, and leave the hell back home. Or you may be tired of that player lifestyle and may want to settle down for a little while, have someone to take care after you, have someone to love and appreciate you, have someone you yourself may even want to take care of. So it all depends on what you’re into right now. Are you missing emotional support, or do you just not have time for the rollercoaster ride of what a relationship is. That’s what it boils down to in the end.
Now, I want to leave off with a poll question on the subject:
What do you want more?
- A Girlfriend (60%, 87 Votes)
- A F*ck-Buddy (40%, 58 Votes)
Total Voters: 145
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This is a great post. I have been both at one point or another, at once both. I prefer a fuck buddy but that’s just me.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Kisha: Relationships really drain a lot of energy. Fuck, now people are even timing when to get into relationships because they got too much shit to do–Well, at least I’m like that at the moment.
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Girlfriend is a sure win. We are humans-we need affection, emotional connection, love-not just sex!
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
@Dulce Liebe: Lol are you just saying that because you’re promoting Date.com? But either way, I can see the benefits of both girlfriend and fuck buddy. Interestingly, the polls are swaying towards your argument: the girlfriends are winning.
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Fuck buddies are the way I go, but for some reason most of them get all crazy and try date me. One guy tried to kill himself when I told him he was just sex. So you gotta be careful who you choose as a fuck buddy, make sure they can handle the no strings relationship with you.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
@Bonnie: I’ve had the exact same problem with a couple of girls actually. It starts of as just fucking around with no real label on what we’re doing (assumingly JUST fuck buddies) then they start getting clingy and want to complicate things by getting into a relationship. Not cool.
But when I see guys with the opportunity to just be fuck buddies with a girl and they want more than that I actually die of laughter. That’s like getting to see a cool movie and then WANTING to pay the admission price. C’mon fellas, a movie won’t get any better once you pay for it. lol Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my little metaphor there.
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Khyra Reply:
May 31st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You mean why buy the cow if u can get the milk for free? lol x
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Robby G Reply:
June 1st, 2009 at 1:31 am
@Khyra: Same thing, just trying to keep my saying modern lol.
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Fuck friends are great, and actually all I am about. However, there has to be that strong will power on both sides. I have had girls that cried or told me they loved me all along after I stopped calling them up. And fuck, I”m not going to B.S, my first fuck friend I really did start to have feelings for her too…but lucky for me, she moved away.
With my fuck friends, we dont go on dates and shit. I hang with my boys, live my life and hit up any bar I want, if I want a little something, I just call her up, if not, I got other girls on the phone to hit up. Its simple, we are only committed to take care of the deed, nothing more.
Fuck friends are not for everyone. Some people really do get attached even when they keep saying they wont. It sucks, but its part of the game I guess.
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Robby G Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
@Crazy Oldie: I gotta agree with you 110% that fuck buddies aren’t for everyone. It’s weird actually, since my whole idea of humans is somewhat more primitive and I assume people are more like animals when it comes to sex. Hit it up a couple of times then move on. But there are guys that fall in love everytime they get with a new girl. Me, on the other hand, I tend to get sick of girls quite quickly. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but it’s been working out quite well for me, because I see a couple of my mates stressing over girls and shiiiet, I’m happy I don’t have that. There’re 3.5 billion women out there, why get caught up on one?
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Only sex addicts should pick the F**k buddy. Everyone needs more than sex.Like love.
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Robby G Reply:
March 20th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Times are changing. Sex is looked at naturally. It’s a requirement by the human body. It’s all scientific, really. When your hormones and sexual drive act up they need to be satisfied with sex so you don’t have to be a particular sex-addict to want to satisfy those urges, but simply be human. It’s societies norms and constraints, which have overtime deteriorated, that have told people over centuries that sex should be repressed until love and marriage. Sure, when you’re in love it’s a benefit, but sometimes you just need to fuck. Also, at times you may be deceived to believing you’re in love when in reality you just need to get laid, and then that whole fantasy of you being in love with that person fades.
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This is very insightful and defiantly very personal for everyone. As of right now F Buddies > Girlfriends because of my busy lifestyle.
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was wondering what the signs are that the other half you are hooking up with is wanting more or feels more than just sex. because am currently in a situation where i am pretty much a fuck buddy… but things have become more intimate and we are realllly good friends anyway and hang out etc. and did before we first hooked up.
a pretty confusing situation to be in… :S
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Robby G Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
@mememe: Try to feel him out. When you two are hanging out is he acting like just a friend or a little more possessive (like a boyfriend). But if you want to TURN him into a boyfriend, the best way to get your male fuck-buddy to date you is when you meet up with him and he’s expecting sex, don’t give it up and say you feel like going out instead. It’s like gradual withdrawal from just fucking and slowly integrating a more intimate relationship.
Another sign that he might be into you for more than just sex is if he’s actually avoiding sleeping with other girls and even avoids talking about other girls in front of you.
Hope that helps.
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No woman wants ONLY to be someone’s fuck toy, you fucking idiots.
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I notice lots of debate on this subject. Its like there’s two types of women, those who fully accept it and find nothing wrong with it and those who stand very strongly against fuck-buddies. It’s just like Robby said, the times are changing. I think FBs are okay, just it needs to be all handled maturely and respectfully.
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Nice post, thanks a lot for the info – I don’t usually like to reply to blog posts but enjoyed this post. Awesome stuff!, I bookmarked your blog!
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I’m in a situation where I’ve had a sole FB on call for over the last 12 years. She’s great, and fully satisfies my every sexual need as I do her. There’s ALWAYS been a tension between us however and when things start to look more like we’re dating then we end up bailing on eachother. It didn’t seem like anything the first few times, but as time went on, we both began to feel an emotional strain every time we parted. The whole run over the last decade has caused a problem for us both however. We don’t commincate with eachother well because we were always trying NOT to go down the path to a relationship. Since our most recent hookup, things have slightly changed however. I notice she is more jealous around me, and I feel more protective over her, yet we both still haven’t admitted our feelings to eachother. As you can expect because we bottle things up, we argue a lot as well, but this time I convinced her to come to my place this saturday evening to sit and talk everything through and see what we both want from eachother…to set things straight once and for all so there’s no more confusion. I really think this girl might be the one for me, and I am hoping she might feel the same. After all the relationships we’ve both been through (dozens and dozens), we keep flocking back to eachother, so there must be some connection there…..
Anyway i’ll stop ranting, I just wanted to get that off my chest as I’m really nervous to see how tomorrow goes.
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I have been good friends with this guy for a while – never really took notice of him much till right before I moved away. Was a really sweet guy the more I got to know him so I developed the biggest crush on him, but on the side, I’ve had my boyfriend of 3 years so never did anything with the other guy. Until we met up again months later he just happened to be in town and we screwed. My boyfriend was a rollercoaster ass hole that I had already been tired of anyway but stayed with to see further how we’d work out but once I got with the other dude I broke up with my boyfriend. NOW we’re in the fuck buddy status – both single and like it that way – he has a job where he has to travel around a lot and I’ll invite him certain times of the year to hang out in random parts of the country and let him know that doing him dirty is part of the plans.
SO I feel like we’re a little more than fuck buddies since we still talk about hanging out and havin fun, but the whole traveling around on the job for him and me being busy partyin and goin to school has left us just like that. Fuck buddies – I’ve never been in this kind of ‘relationship’ before – Feedback Please! Just need reassurance that maybe it’s just is what it is.
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I had this fear of showing my feelings so what I do is I only have one night stands but sometimes guys can catch feelings for you even after a one night stand. I think everyone wants to be loved at one point so now I have a serious boyfriend but I’m not in love. I guess love will come later.
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Robby G Reply:
December 12th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@deedee: I think sometimes if you want to find love then you actually have to look for it. I personally have never gotten into a serious relationship unless I have really strong feelings for the girlfriend before getting into it. If I see that over time those feelings subside rather than grow then I know it usually ends bad because she gets used to me but I only feel growing apart.
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