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F*ck Buddy vs Girlfriend

18 March 2009 51 Comments

What’s better to have: a fuck buddy or a girlfriend? Asking this question to friends, acquaintances, and many random people I’ve talked to on subject of girls throughout my time, I was surprised that not as many people as I thought picked fuck buddy. I thought it would be a sure winner, no questions asked, that if a guy can get a good looking girl to sleep with on a regular basis with no other attachment then they’d surely pick that, but there were still many guys choosing girlfriend over fuck buddy. This actually shocked me, and after some analysis I wanted to share my thoughts and opinions on what’s better.

Let’s Start with a Story

What’s a blog if I can’t give my personal encounters, eh? Anywho, I’ve had a girl live in my condo once, a few stories below me, and I got to know her one day while she was walking her dog. We talked, flirted, joked around, and in the end of it all I ended up getting her number. I’d call her occasionally, we’d talk, meet up for little dog walks here and there, and then one day I invited her up and we had ourselves a good ol’ fun time… in bed. We didn’t go out much unless to walk the dog, of course, but you wouldn’t go so far as to call it dating. I’d call her for a booty call and she’d fly up those three stories to my apartment and we’d repeat the whole unholy act of premarital sex. I can tell you now that it was pretty sufficient for me. I didn’t want it to go any further. Then after half a year or so we went our separate ways, but that’s besides the point. There were a few of these women that I’ve had over the course of the past few years and all of them to me were everything I’d ever need. So why would anyone possibly ever want a girlfriend–someone you have to call everyday, pay for dates, be extremely careful when you cheat on, spend nerves making sure she doesn’t cheat on you, etc, etc?

What a Feeling

Well, basically, you want a girlfriend for those very same reasons that I just mentioned above. With a fuck buddy there isn’t any real connection besides the obvious sexual connection. But there’s no mental or emotional connection or support with a fuck buddy. There are times when a man wants to come home and see his beautiful woman greet him. Then if she’d ask you how everything is, you actually want to tell her how your day was, knowing that she actually cares, because she actually loves you. That emotional support is necessary for a man at certain points in his life. And just as those certain points in life come around, they also pass at times, and the man stops wanting to have someone to care for and in return care after him, he just wants to dial up his booty call, have a fun couple of hours, and return back home, stress-free, knowing that there’s no one back there in his home ready to mind-fuck him about why he didn’t call if he was going to stay out so late.

What’s Your Remedy?

In the end, it’s all about what you really find important in this very exact moment of your life. You may have just gotten out of a four year relationship and are tired of all the things that come with a girlfriend and just want to have one or two on-call fuck buddies that won’t harass you about every little detail, but will just want you to come on over, do your thing, and leave the hell back home. Or you may be tired of that player lifestyle and may want to settle down for a little while, have someone to take care after you, have someone to love and appreciate you, have someone you yourself may even want to take care of. So it all depends on what you’re into right now. Are you missing emotional support, or do you just not have time for the rollercoaster ride of what a relationship is. That’s what it boils down to in the end.

Now, I want to leave off with a poll question on the subject:

What do you want more?

  • A Girlfriend (60%, 87 Votes)
  • A F*ck-Buddy (40%, 58 Votes)

Total Voters: 145

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51 Comments »

  • kisha said:

    This is a great post. I have been both at one point or another, at once both. I prefer a fuck buddy but that’s just me.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Kisha: Relationships really drain a lot of energy. Fuck, now people are even timing when to get into relationships because they got too much shit to do–Well, at least I’m like that at the moment.

    Reply to Comment

    Dz Reply:

    couldn’t agree more with you kisha, i tried both and fk buds all the way, i got my studies to do and she has her work and studies as-well. We’r both happy 😀

    Reply to Comment

  • Dulce Liebe said:

    Girlfriend is a sure win. We are humans-we need affection, emotional connection, love-not just sex!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Dulce Liebe: Lol are you just saying that because you’re promoting Date.com? But either way, I can see the benefits of both girlfriend and fuck buddy. Interestingly, the polls are swaying towards your argument: the girlfriends are winning.

    Reply to Comment

    Alexis scott Reply:

    I will have sex whit you

    Reply to Comment

    BadBoy666 Reply:

    Fuck relationships, I mean its very subjective, but really they’re not for me. Came out of one and already had a fuck buddy lined up. She is all I need for now. Fuck the emotional/mental support, that’s for pussies. I am an animal at this point of my life so all I want is some good old sex with no strings attached.

    Peace out!!

    Reply to Comment

    Dz Reply:

    RIDE ON!

    Reply to Comment

  • Bonnie said:

    Fuck buddies are the way I go, but for some reason most of them get all crazy and try date me. One guy tried to kill himself when I told him he was just sex. So you gotta be careful who you choose as a fuck buddy, make sure they can handle the no strings relationship with you.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Bonnie: I’ve had the exact same problem with a couple of girls actually. It starts of as just fucking around with no real label on what we’re doing (assumingly JUST fuck buddies) then they start getting clingy and want to complicate things by getting into a relationship. Not cool.
    But when I see guys with the opportunity to just be fuck buddies with a girl and they want more than that I actually die of laughter. That’s like getting to see a cool movie and then WANTING to pay the admission price. C’mon fellas, a movie won’t get any better once you pay for it. lol Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my little metaphor there.

    Reply to Comment

    Khyra Reply:

    You mean why buy the cow if u can get the milk for free? lol x

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Khyra: Same thing, just trying to keep my saying modern lol.

    Reply to Comment

    Luke Reply:

    That is a horrible analogy. You seem to think that relationships are just things guys put up with in order to get some, and that’s just not true for a lot of guys (dare I say MOST guys over 35 [I’m not over 35 though]). Part of the enjoyment of the “movie” for me would be the love, and that part only comes if you “pay admission”. However, if you truly loved the girl, the “admission” would be basically nothing.
    I would NEVER want a fuckbuddy if I could get a girlfriend. I mean, I would be happy with a fuckbuddy if I couldn’t get a girlfriend, but I really want/need the love that a relationship provides, as much as I want/need sex. In my opinion: Sex = Fun. Love = Fun.
    Fuckbuddy = Sex = 1 fun thing. Girlfriend = Love + Sex = 2 fun things.

    Reply to Comment

  • Crazy Oldie said:

    Fuck friends are great, and actually all I am about. However, there has to be that strong will power on both sides. I have had girls that cried or told me they loved me all along after I stopped calling them up. And fuck, I”m not going to B.S, my first fuck friend I really did start to have feelings for her too…but lucky for me, she moved away.

    With my fuck friends, we dont go on dates and shit. I hang with my boys, live my life and hit up any bar I want, if I want a little something, I just call her up, if not, I got other girls on the phone to hit up. Its simple, we are only committed to take care of the deed, nothing more.

    Fuck friends are not for everyone. Some people really do get attached even when they keep saying they wont. It sucks, but its part of the game I guess.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Crazy Oldie: I gotta agree with you 110% that fuck buddies aren’t for everyone. It’s weird actually, since my whole idea of humans is somewhat more primitive and I assume people are more like animals when it comes to sex. Hit it up a couple of times then move on. But there are guys that fall in love everytime they get with a new girl. Me, on the other hand, I tend to get sick of girls quite quickly. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but it’s been working out quite well for me, because I see a couple of my mates stressing over girls and shiiiet, I’m happy I don’t have that. There’re 3.5 billion women out there, why get caught up on one?

    Reply to Comment

  • online dating said:

    Only sex addicts should pick the F**k buddy. Everyone needs more than sex.Like love.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    Times are changing. Sex is looked at naturally. It’s a requirement by the human body. It’s all scientific, really. When your hormones and sexual drive act up they need to be satisfied with sex so you don’t have to be a particular sex-addict to want to satisfy those urges, but simply be human. It’s societies norms and constraints, which have overtime deteriorated, that have told people over centuries that sex should be repressed until love and marriage. Sure, when you’re in love it’s a benefit, but sometimes you just need to fuck. Also, at times you may be deceived to believing you’re in love when in reality you just need to get laid, and then that whole fantasy of you being in love with that person fades.

    Reply to Comment

  • Dj Rayz said:

    This is very insightful and defiantly very personal for everyone. As of right now F Buddies > Girlfriends because of my busy lifestyle.

    Reply to Comment

  • mememe said:

    was wondering what the signs are that the other half you are hooking up with is wanting more or feels more than just sex. because am currently in a situation where i am pretty much a fuck buddy… but things have become more intimate and we are realllly good friends anyway and hang out etc. and did before we first hooked up.
    a pretty confusing situation to be in… :S

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @mememe: Try to feel him out. When you two are hanging out is he acting like just a friend or a little more possessive (like a boyfriend). But if you want to TURN him into a boyfriend, the best way to get your male fuck-buddy to date you is when you meet up with him and he’s expecting sex, don’t give it up and say you feel like going out instead. It’s like gradual withdrawal from just fucking and slowly integrating a more intimate relationship.
    Another sign that he might be into you for more than just sex is if he’s actually avoiding sleeping with other girls and even avoids talking about other girls in front of you.
    Hope that helps.

    Reply to Comment

  • wtf said:

    No woman wants ONLY to be someone’s fuck toy, you fucking idiots.

    Reply to Comment

    Marie Reply:

    Well I enjoy it! I like my toy and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

    Reply to Comment

    Rick Reply:

    Maybe they don’t want to be your fuck toy but that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to be their fuck toy.

    Reply to Comment

  • Gerard said:

    I notice lots of debate on this subject. Its like there’s two types of women, those who fully accept it and find nothing wrong with it and those who stand very strongly against fuck-buddies. It’s just like Robby said, the times are changing. I think FBs are okay, just it needs to be all handled maturely and respectfully.

    Reply to Comment

  • flirting tips said:

    Nice post, thanks a lot for the info – I don’t usually like to reply to blog posts but enjoyed this post. Awesome stuff!, I bookmarked your blog!

    Reply to Comment

  • Laidtips said:

    I’m in a situation where I’ve had a sole FB on call for over the last 12 years. She’s great, and fully satisfies my every sexual need as I do her. There’s ALWAYS been a tension between us however and when things start to look more like we’re dating then we end up bailing on eachother. It didn’t seem like anything the first few times, but as time went on, we both began to feel an emotional strain every time we parted. The whole run over the last decade has caused a problem for us both however. We don’t commincate with eachother well because we were always trying NOT to go down the path to a relationship. Since our most recent hookup, things have slightly changed however. I notice she is more jealous around me, and I feel more protective over her, yet we both still haven’t admitted our feelings to eachother. As you can expect because we bottle things up, we argue a lot as well, but this time I convinced her to come to my place this saturday evening to sit and talk everything through and see what we both want from eachother…to set things straight once and for all so there’s no more confusion. I really think this girl might be the one for me, and I am hoping she might feel the same. After all the relationships we’ve both been through (dozens and dozens), we keep flocking back to eachother, so there must be some connection there…..

    Anyway i’ll stop ranting, I just wanted to get that off my chest as I’m really nervous to see how tomorrow goes.

    Reply to Comment

    Sherry Reply:

    All considering this was posted last year June; I really hope that this worked out for you. I have a similar situation back and forth for 4 years so I know exactly where this is coming from.

    Reply to Comment

  • OnONE said:

    I have been good friends with this guy for a while – never really took notice of him much till right before I moved away. Was a really sweet guy the more I got to know him so I developed the biggest crush on him, but on the side, I’ve had my boyfriend of 3 years so never did anything with the other guy. Until we met up again months later he just happened to be in town and we screwed. My boyfriend was a rollercoaster ass hole that I had already been tired of anyway but stayed with to see further how we’d work out but once I got with the other dude I broke up with my boyfriend. NOW we’re in the fuck buddy status – both single and like it that way – he has a job where he has to travel around a lot and I’ll invite him certain times of the year to hang out in random parts of the country and let him know that doing him dirty is part of the plans.
    SO I feel like we’re a little more than fuck buddies since we still talk about hanging out and havin fun, but the whole traveling around on the job for him and me being busy partyin and goin to school has left us just like that. Fuck buddies – I’ve never been in this kind of ‘relationship’ before – Feedback Please! Just need reassurance that maybe it’s just is what it is.

    Reply to Comment

  • deedee said:

    I had this fear of showing my feelings so what I do is I only have one night stands but sometimes guys can catch feelings for you even after a one night stand. I think everyone wants to be loved at one point so now I have a serious boyfriend but I’m not in love. I guess love will come later.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @deedee: I think sometimes if you want to find love then you actually have to look for it. I personally have never gotten into a serious relationship unless I have really strong feelings for the girlfriend before getting into it. If I see that over time those feelings subside rather than grow then I know it usually ends bad because she gets used to me but I only feel growing apart.

    Reply to Comment

  • Flicky said:

    I had a FB. We started out as friends, moved into Friends-With-Benefits, but soon the benefits took over the friendship and we sort of devolved into Fuck Buddies. Yes, there is totally a difference.

    Personally I couldn’t do it. I ended it once I realised that I am not the kind of girl who can carry on such an arrangement. More power to those who can.

    I am not against FWB/FB’s as a rule, I’m open to the idea and I’m sure that with the right person it might be achievable. However; this particular experience has made me wary. I didn’t think I’d fall for the guy, as we have no emotional connection, and I really just thought of him as a friend. And it’s not that I fell for him, really, but there was a definite attachment which would only have deepened had I allowed it.

    So I walked away. It stung a bit, but I am not the type to keep settling for something if I want more.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Flicky: It’s great how you were able to sense that you were getting too close and moved away at the right moment. Many times people start hoping that their fuck buddy has developed the same type of feelings and that’s where they end up getting hurt. These sort of relationships aren’t for everyone and I personally enjoy them much more than serious relationships, but again it’s just not for everyone and you should only get into the type of relationships (whether fb or formal gf/bf) that make you happy.
    Thanks for sharing your experience.
    .-= Robby G´s last blog ..Man’s Perspective on a Fuck-Buddy She’s Into =-.

    Reply to Comment

  • bee said:

    i was always in a relationship with guys.. i couldnt stand just being with someone and just fucking them. But now that im busy and a single mom, i dont have the time to be in a relationship and go on dates… so when i have time… i just call a FB. Just recently started doing that… its better theres no emotionally attachment, i dont have to worry about what there going through or feeling… jealousy and spending money.

    Reply to Comment

  • walker said:

    ‘When I see guys with the opportunity to just be fuck buddies with a girl and they want more than that I actually die of laughter. That’s like getting to see a cool movie and then WANTING to pay the admission price.’ – Wanting to be in a full relationship with someone you really care about – even if they are just asking for sex – and paying for a movie you could see freely are two completely different things. But I’m sure you can tell the difference. Maybe when you’ll end laughing…

    Reply to Comment

    Luke Reply:

    +infinity

    I agree completely

    Reply to Comment

  • tabby said:

    I use to want a boyfriend but no dude wants a controling and mean ass girfriend so I said fuck it and now all I have for the past two years is fuck buddies but some guys get annoying and keep calling and textin me too much to “chill” I don’t want to chill with them at all. fuckin wit them once was enough for me I don’t want to fuck them again and maybe there sex wasn’t that good or dick too little, some issue that I definitely don’t wanna fuck wit them again. I did find one guy that his sex was great and I keep commin back when I need it and he doesn’t stalk me or blow up my fone and I never bother him so I finally have a constant fuckin partner cuz I hate skippin around on dick. I just want one guy I fuck with on the regular. U know girls and there emotions I think I might like him just a little but its whateva I still just wanna fuck him reguardless. Fuck buddies are great.

    Reply to Comment

  • S said:

    “be extremely careful when you cheat on”? ….Really?

    Reply to Comment

  • H said:

    i have had my fuck buddy for nearly 12 years and we are still going strong

    Reply to Comment

  • Steve said:

    I had both in college. Obviously, there are benefits to both scenarios. For those who say women don’t like to be just a FB, I can say for sure that is definitely not true. I had a FB in college, and she actually had several FB guy friends who she had no intention of letting it get any father with.

    She’d go out with a short skirt and no underwear on those days she was a bit horny, and several times she got a new FB out of the deal. If there was one thing she was really good at, it was sex! I’ve never seen a woman with more intense orgasmic capacity than that girl!

    Unfortunately her sex drive was so strong that it kind of messed up her life in a way. She thought more with her clit than with her head sometimes. She would have such intense orgasms, that just about all she could think about was how to get another one sometimes. The problem was that it wasn’t always great for her personal life, such as when she later got married and her husband was away.

    Reply to Comment

  • Derek said:

    “So it all depends on what you’re into right now. Are you missing emotional support, or do you just not have time for the rollercoaster ride of what a relationship is. That’s what it boils down to in the end.”

    Yeah, I couldn’t pick one thing over the other. A fuck buddy and a gf both have their good and bad points. As long as I’ve got one of the two at all times, I’m happy enough. It’s when you don’t have either one that things get messed up.

    Reply to Comment

  • zakariya said:

    I’d like to get sex pictures and videos

    Reply to Comment

  • MissyC said:

    Depends on whether you can separate love and sex… some can, some can’t

    Reply to Comment

  • Bob Homes said:

    “there were still many guys choosing girlfriend over fuck buddy. ”

    When it comes down to it, it’s still all about the emotional connection.

    Reply to Comment

  • Arven said:

    I too like the regular no ties sex, however I feel in the final analysis it is very empty. Kinda of makes me feel like a dog running around the neighborhood getting it on with any other dog I see. A relationship takes a lot more out of you including time, money and emotions, but it also gives you a lot more than just sex.

    Reply to Comment

  • Po said:

    I find it hard to separate love from sex, because when I have sex I get all these good emotions for the person that is giving me all this pleasure, and then I find out he’s giving pleasure all over town, its not just me boo! I just want him to want just me for a little while, not forever, I want a genuine emotionally present sexy good time. Where no one is denied anything. But at the same time I don’t want a relationship with some one I’ve just started fucking. Its wierd that that gets assumed sometimes, if your friends and the sex drives you wild for more. Then lets just enjoy that. Don’t try and lock people down. People need to breath and be free. So maybe what I’m saying is I wish I didn’t know that my fuck buddy was having sex with other women. I like walking on a tight rope between in a relationship and being a fuck buddy. Because its feels cold and mean to think that some one can kiss you so well and feel nothing.

    Reply to Comment

    Guest Reply:

    I very much understand where you’re coming from here. I have had a FB for a couple of months now, and as much as I keep telling myself not to get attached, it’s nearly impossible. The sex is the best I’ve ever had, and lots of kissing during (he is a fantastic kisser) and he is very sexy and attractive. How can I not have feelings for him? He told me without my asking him that he isn’t having sex with anyone else. Well, how do I know if that’s true or not. Honestly if he is fucking other women I just don’t want to even know. I feel the same way, how can a man share this intimate and intense experience and feel nothing? But I know men and women are wired very differently about that. I thought I could handle the FB scenario, but having doubts. However I can’t imagine never experiencing sex with this man again. Its a mess.

    Reply to Comment

  • jeremy said:

    i would rather have a fbuddy than a girlfreind . less drama and stress on both partys.

    Reply to Comment

  • Lala said:

    My ex bf of 5 years is now my fb. We broke up because we always fight,argue etc… We still arguee but theres only one thing keeping us together . Its sex. We both love fucking eachother and just enjoying eachother.. But i dont love him, we are both over emotional bullshit.. Fuckbuddy is better. Less headache..

    Reply to Comment

  • meet Fuck friend said:

    It’s far better to have a fuck buddy compared to a girlfriend. exepct if she’s the one.

    Reply to Comment

  • bondage said:

    Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
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    Reply to Comment

  • John said:

    Relationships are overrated. Right now, I have about ten real friends who can give me just the love that I need and expect that in return.

    Love is mental, sex is physical. In other words: true friendship, a non-physical relationship with someone who you can share everything with, can supply your needs for love and understanding without having any negative consequences.

    Meanwhile, the fuck-buddy can supply all of the physical needs. It could be a lot of pressure for 1 person to have to meet those expectations of fulfilling both needs, so what’s the point of having an emotional relationship with a someone you fuck?

    Personally when I like a girls personality and she’s hot at the same time, I’d still choose friendship without physical relations. Physical attraction could easily be mistaken for ‘being in love’, luckily, it’s a fact that this feeling will go away eventually. Besides, there are enough girls out there to please your physical needs, whose emotional love you’re not interested in, because of dissimilarity between your perceptions on life.

    This way, you’ll have nothing to lose. You’ll have multiple times as much of the means to fulfil both needs without hurting anybody’s feelings (at least if you’re open about your intentions with physical dates).

    Why would you focus on one person to fulfil both needs if you can obtain all the love and understanding from a dozen of people, and all of the best sex with any chick you want?

    Firstly, this could be to create healthy children who can add value to this world.

    Secondly, the emotional part has a strong positive influence on the physical part.

    Thirdly, a relationship is more challenging to obtain than friendship or just sex, which makes it exciting.

    Finally, it’s still an opinion matter. In mine relationships are overrated, yet I’m aware of the fact that some people are just happier having only one person in their life instead of a lot.

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