Get Him to Chase You
I have been with this guy mainly as a FB. But of course over the year we
have been together I have have feelings for him. We were friends before so I
think I was attracted to him before the sex. We hook-up at least 1-2 times a
Anyway, to make a long story short here are some examples of our situation.
After we hook-up he makes it a point to not answer my text messages and if
he does they are short answers. After a few days he’s all over it wanted to
f**k, he touches me etc. There are times that we just talk, it’s usually
about some drama we have going on outside of us. He tends to get jealous of
other guys I am involved with or potentially involved with. But the same for
me with him. I say that he’s jealous because he will comment about a mutual
friend wanting me and if that guy hits on me the he comment “maybe you
should just go f**k him” but he says it condesending. If I’m talking to
somebody he askes who I’m talking to and wants to know if I’m hooking up
with that person.
I find that he slips sometimes and he’ll stare at me during sex or kiss me
which we agreed not to do.
We discussed our situation and both realise that it’s complicated and we do
care about each other but under the circumstances can’t have a relationship.
He said he cared about me but not to go as far as marriage. He would compare
me to his ex often before they broke up and we hooked-up. He would expect
things out of her that I would do.
I’m just curious what your thoughts are on this. Is this something I should
pursue or just move on?
There’s definitely potential here, but I think you just shouldn’t rush things and let the chips fall where they may. It actually sounds like he himself may want a relationship a little bit longer down the road, but just hasn’t realised that he is gradually falling for you. All of the signals you have outlined, such as talking about things that consist of things outside of the fuck-buddy relations; getting mad if there are other men in your life and telling you to sleep with them; kissing you when he said he wouldn’t point to the fact that he is slowly going against his initial desires of keeping it strictly sexual. This may go one of two ways however. He may either realize that there is something special between you and finally give in, or he may keep trying to prove to himself that he doesn’t want anything serious with you and end up sleeping with someone else and finding the connection he felt with you but with her. It will not be as genuine a connect most likely, but simply out of that inner-battle, he will start something more with her. You have to prove to him that you’re the one for him and a fuck-buddy relationship isn’t all you’re interested in anymore. It has to be done in a thought out way nonetheless, because if you just confront him about it and give him an ultimatum at this point, he will most likely back away.
After you sleep with him, play into his hand and don’t text message him, instead wait for him to make the first contact. If you know that he’s not going to reply to you or it will be something short and insignificant, then don’t even waste time texting first. Each time after you hook up, give him room and you will see different results from him. Instead of trying to distance himself from you after each time you sleep together, he will notice that you have given up on chasing him and therefore he will start to pursue you. It’s the typical “If you don’t want me, I end up wanting you more” scenario. I’ve said this many times before in previous messages, enforce the hot/cold method and you will notice a change in him. If you act flirtatious before the sex and then cold afterwards then he will think that you are the one in control of the fuck-buddy relationship and this will make him want you even more. The one to outplay the other by seeming more distant and in more control of their emotions ends up dominating the relationship. Even if he starts pursuing you more, continue to not give him the satisfaction by dropping your guard. Try to be a little bit more seductive, and don’t worry about him being jealous. If anything, try to be more flirtatious with other men, because this will get him rattled up and he will expose more emotions towards you. If he ever says that you should go fuck another guy again next time, just say “yeah maybe I should” or something along those lines, and make him wonder if you actually meant it or are kidding around. You have to show him that he isn’t in charge of you. Until he is ready to commit, you are still single and can do whatever you please with whoever you please. You don’t literally have to go out and sleep with other men, but at least make him think that you will whenever the right opportunity presents itself, because you are not worried about what he thinks. Stop trying to please him and instead look out for your own desires, and in a short while you will notice how he will switch from being the way he is to someone that will pursue you and will even ask you to make your relationship exclusive.