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Get Him to Chase You

17 July 2010 17 Comments

I have been with this guy mainly as a FB. But of course over the year we
have been together I have have feelings for him. We were friends before so I
think I was attracted to him before the sex. We hook-up at least 1-2 times a
week.

Anyway, to make a long story short here are some examples of our situation.

After we hook-up he makes it a point to not answer my text messages and if
he does they are short answers. After a few days he’s all over it wanted to
f**k, he touches me etc. There are times that we just talk, it’s usually
about some drama we have going on outside of us. He tends to get jealous of
other guys I am involved with or potentially involved with. But the same for
me with him. I say that he’s jealous because he will comment about a mutual
friend wanting me and if that guy hits on me the he comment “maybe you
should just go f**k him” but he says it condesending. If I’m talking to
somebody he askes who I’m talking to and wants to know if I’m hooking up
with that person.

I find that he slips sometimes and he’ll stare at me during sex or kiss me
which we agreed not to do.

We discussed our situation and both realise that it’s complicated and we do
care about each other but under the circumstances can’t have a relationship.
He said he cared about me but not to go as far as marriage. He would compare
me to his ex often before they broke up and we hooked-up. He would expect
things out of her that I would do.

I’m just curious what your thoughts are on this. Is this something I should
pursue or just move on?

There’s definitely potential here, but I think you just shouldn’t rush things and let the chips fall where they may. It actually sounds like he himself may want a relationship a little bit longer down the road, but just hasn’t realised that he is gradually falling for you. All of the signals you have outlined, such as talking about things that consist of things outside of the fuck-buddy relations; getting mad if there are other men in your life and telling you to sleep with them; kissing you when he said he wouldn’t point to the fact that he is slowly going against his initial desires of keeping it strictly sexual. This may go one of two ways however. He may either realize that there is something special between you and finally give in, or he may keep trying to prove to himself that he doesn’t want anything serious with you and end up sleeping with someone else and finding the connection he felt with you but with her. It will not be as genuine a connect most likely, but simply out of that inner-battle, he will start something more with her. You have to prove to him that you’re the one for him and a fuck-buddy relationship isn’t all you’re interested in anymore. It has to be done in a thought out way nonetheless, because if you just confront him about it and give him an ultimatum at this point, he will most likely back away.

After you sleep with him, play into his hand and don’t text message him, instead wait for him to make the first contact. If you know that he’s not going to reply to you or it will be something short and insignificant, then don’t even waste time texting first. Each time after you hook up, give him room and you will see different results from him. Instead of trying to distance himself from you after each time you sleep together, he will notice that you have given up on chasing him and therefore he will start to pursue you. It’s the typical “If you don’t want me, I end up wanting you more” scenario. I’ve said this many times before in previous messages, enforce the hot/cold method and you will notice a change in him. If you act flirtatious before the sex and then cold afterwards then he will think that you are the one in control of the fuck-buddy relationship and this will make him want you even more. The one to outplay the other by seeming more distant and in more control of their emotions ends up dominating the relationship. Even if he starts pursuing you more, continue to not give him the satisfaction by dropping your guard. Try to be a little bit more seductive, and don’t worry about him being jealous. If anything, try to be more flirtatious with other men, because this will get him rattled up and he will expose more emotions towards you. If he ever says that you should go fuck another guy again next time, just say “yeah maybe I should” or something along those lines, and make him wonder if you actually meant it or are kidding around. You have to show him that he isn’t in charge of you. Until he is ready to commit, you are still single and can do whatever you please with whoever you please. You don’t literally have to go out and sleep with other men, but at least make him think that you will whenever the right opportunity presents itself, because you are not worried about what he thinks. Stop trying to please him and instead look out for your own desires, and in a short while you will notice how he will switch from being the way he is to someone that will pursue you and will even ask you to make your relationship exclusive.

17 Comments »

  • Star said:

    Thanks for the advise and feedback!! I have been going crazy trying to figure out if what I was feeling from him was genuine or just him playing the game. He got back together with his girlfriend last week he seems to be happy. Then he started treating me different and kind of being an ass. At that point I just told him whatever I’m moving on. I haven’t talked to him in a week. This is the longest we’ve gone. We have mutual friends so I’ve heard he was complaining they haven’t had much sex lol!! Oh well! Just hearing that validation from you is worth it!! Thanks again!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Star: No problem, I’m happy that it helped in some way at least. I’m glad you were able to tell him that you’re moving on at the right time and didn’t continue trying to pursue him even after he began treating you bad. Come back again if anything new arises.

  • Star said:

    Well I got a call today from him. He wants to hook up. I just don’t get, now what?

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Star: Don’t give in so easily. Ask him something like “Well, aren’t you with your girlfriend now?” Then act a little bit like you’ve moved on, but still be flirtatious. Get him to feel like you’re not completely on board with him, but at the same time show him that it’s time for you to be calling the shots. When he tells you to hook up, tell him you’re busy and you’ll call him you’ll call him back. Don’t call him back, instead just message him the next day and say something that’s off topic.

  • Star said:

    I got a call from him wanting to know if I hooked up with anybody recently, I told him no but I had a potential guy that was showing interest.he got a little jealous and said oh who the guy, I explained the situation and said, I need to keep my options open. He started ask me questions like what was I wearing etc. He jumped very fast in the sexual direction. As you suggested I reminded him of his GF, no real straight answer came out. We agreed to meet up but I wasn’t as eager and ended up not meeting him because something came up. He was frustrated with me. So what’s the deal! What does this mean? Thanks Robby!!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Star: Act like you haven’t noticed his frustration and the next time you talk, actually meet up with him and do not even bring up his girlfriend. Talk like you’ve sort of moved on but throw in flirtatious comments so he gets slightly confused with what you exactly want. The more frustration that builds up the more emotions he will feel towards you. But do not overdo it and eventually when he tries to make a move, that’s when you ask about his girlfriend. Do not give in until he makes it clear that he is ready to break things off with his girlfriend and is ready to take things further with you.

  • Star said:

    Sorry Robby me again..Ok so now he texts but starting it non sexual talking / complaining about GF and how she’s still not what he thought she was he’s just hanging in there. I talked to him objectly about it trying to help him. So maybe I’m wrong but it seems like when I take on this role is when he gets sentimental. Anyway it ended getting sexual and him wanting me to call him for phone sex. So I’m sure the call was intended for sex. Is this poor me thing a part of his act or is it genuine? He sounded genuine I’ve met her and see where he’s coming from.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Star: If I was in your position, I wouldn’t be able to handle all the bullshit to be honest. I’d either move on, because it seems like he doesn’t even know what he wants and expects you to always be there for him when things with his gf don’t work out. Next time he gets sentimental and vulnerable, ask him exactly what he wants and then tell him what you want and see if your desires are similar. If not, move on. If so then make decisions from there.

  • Richard Chidike | Motivatory said:

    I really agree with you on those suggested points. This is great to read and nice to consider.

    Thanks… Great post

  • Star said:

    I wish I could say everything was resolved and I’ve moved on but that’s not the case. I did kept my distance but gave in and hooked up with him. Of course it was great. But again he completely distances himself after and won’t return my texts. It is such a roller coaster. I asked him straight out again what does him and I mean to him what does he get out of it all he said was he wasn’t going to answer the question. So Robby hopefully soon I will be able to get over this. Maybe I’m just waiting for him or you to tell me what he really feels I know you can’t but I guess I need to not hang on to the fact that he may actually care about me. Thanks for your help!!

  • Star said:

    One more thing…one of our mutual guy friends was telling me that his GF was complaining about their sex and that he doesn’t move with her and he doesn’t get into it. Which is so weird because he is all over me. He likes all different positions and seems to love itm So what’s that supposed to mean?

  • Alyssa said:

    I have a similar situation. My FB and I have been ‘getting together’ for going on three years. He knows I wan to be more then that and he has recently told me that he thinks I am obsessed and that he doesn’t like being chased. But how do I reverse the roles and make him chase me and not seem so desperate to become more then just sex partners?

  • linda said:

    this is my storie i hope u will answer nd help me 🙁 a meet a guy in fb i know himand before cuz he is little popular and playboy he lives 2 hourse far away from me….we talkt every day on msn nd sms he always says to me that he likes me im special he can wait to meet me bla bla we sttarted to gett to much closer and started to talkt about sex life bla bla and that how we gonna please each other when we’r gonna meet…he wanted to come 5 times irefused him i told him that icant bla bla ok after 6 months happent the date wee mett nd we had sex a grea one after that we also continued to comunicate but no like before now i am the one who write first or chaseing him but its still ok cuz he raplys lke before nd tell me that he had a great time with me nd than we meet again again thats mean we had sex 3 times,,,,,but the problem is that in the beginin i told him nd our deal was that even we meet nd have sex will stay like that u know like friends or lovers smth like that but not in relatoinship i wass the one whoo made that descion cuzz i wannted to show him that im not like the other girls that die for hhhim nd beeing in relationship with him that im independed understand…but he knows that i liike him nd i love the sex with him but thats it nd he nonstop teling me that he has others gurls he made sex yestarday the day before u know i think want to make mejelouse but im accting like normal i smile nd thats it,,,,butt the big problem is that i fell in love nd i want to be inrelationship with him he is a playboy i know but i think with ur help i can make him fall for me…tell ne sometricks waht should i do i didnt text him 10 days neather hee :S nd im exploding tell mewaht to do to write him or wait he to write me or play hard to get or what anything wich u think it will work thank youu…..i hope u will answer mwahh

  • Sally said:

    I am in a similar situation too! I met a guy last year through work.I was a care assistant and was looking after his dad who was very poorly. At the time when we meet, he was still grieving over the loss of his ex girlfriend, had just got a new job miles away from where we were both living at the time. However, he said that immediately he knew that he felt something for me and me for him. We went on dates, got on well, despite my being so nervous, have been on weekends away, hug, kiss and have sex and anyone who didn’t know us any better would think we were a couple. Saying this, he has become increasingly busy with his new job and I feel that we’ve grown further apart with the distance. He’ll now only send me brief texts and not make the same effort as he used too. I really miss the person that he used to be. A lot has happened since we first met, his dad passed away, his ex girlfriend got engaged, all of which I have helped him get through. It seems now that he now only sends me texts to meet up to have sex. I say yes because I really want to see him and like being that close to him but I feel that he is only taking me for granted and i’m being used now. I want to feel that the relationship is in my court and i’m somewhat in control but I just don’t know how?!

  • Katy said:

    Sally, I’m in pretty much exactly the same situation.
    I met this guy in January and left my boyfriend of 6 years for him. The new guy was sweet, fun and was very into me. He’s 32 and I’m 23. He had been broken up with his ex for 4 months when we met and I knew they were in contact. She left him for another guy and she moved in with her new boyfriend. I know she is unsure of if she wants the new boyfriend and is texting him a lot telling him.

    This guy tells me I’m his dream woman, we’ve spoken about kids and he told me our relationship was exclusive after 4 months. He has changed a lot since we met. His texts used to start with ‘hi beautiful or hi gorgeous xxxxx’ to ‘what’s doing’. He is really short in the texts and only very occasionally calls me. We were seeing each other 2-3 times a week but now it’s usually once as he is busy with work.

    He texts me everyday and I don’t really know what he wants. He’s not giving me any affection, besides when we have sex and he never compliments me to my face only in texts. All my friends tell me to get out but I want him. I never initiate the contact, it’s always him. I don’t chase him.

    Curently I’m angry with him because we saw each other for the first time in 2 weeks and we had sex then straight after he got his laptop out and started working then he told me he won’t see me for over a week as he’s working over the weekend. He’s been texting saying I’m angry but not asking if I am. My replies have been really short like ‘just out with friends’.

    What do I do?!

  • Kitten said:

    This is exactly the same scenario that happened to me but for one thing that the guy has girlfriend and he just like me as a fuck buddy. We both working in abraod that is why we met. And his girlfriend is in our country. How should i handle this?

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