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Getting Back Together with a Fuck Buddy

24 September 2009 13 Comments

Hi Robby,

I would be glad if you can give me advice about my problem. I have been in
love with a man who is(was?) my fuck-buddy as well. From the begining he
knows that I love him and he made it clear to me that he is attracted to me
but he doesnt love me. I said ok then  I am ok just with having fun with you
as seeing each other time to time for sex. Then things went good for two
months. he was very nice and  seem to be caring, but after a while as I
wanted to see him more often he got annoyed and we had discussed then he
behaved me very cold for couple of days during my stay at his place. after 2
days of cold war between us at his house, I left his house, right on that
day he sent me message apoligizing for his behaviours. I did not reply him
back for one week then I sent him a mail (a big mistake maybe) telling him
about my feelings that I wanted to see him more often because I love him but
I apoligised if I had pushed him too much. that I love without expecting
anything. That I still wanted to be in his life as friend or fuck-buddy as I
desire him very much. He did not respond me back one week. then he went on
holiday for two weeks. In fact it was not kind of mail to be responded but I
am nervous whether he is scared of my feelings.
 Since I sent him the mail it has been two weeks now. and he is returning
next week.
so now is it still possible to get him back as my fuckbuddy.
how can I get him back without looking desperate?

Thank you


Getting a guy back together with you as a fuck buddy shouldn’t be so difficult without looking desperate in his eyes. You sound like you actually know how to handle guys quite well, but your only problem is being able to control your actions when your emotions get involved. For example, you know that sending the mail telling him your love for him wasn’t the best idea, but you did it anyways. Though he knows you love him yet don’t expect too much in return except plain sex, I don’t think he has had much problems with it because he apologized for acting cold towards you during your stay at his place. He may be feeling bad that he has and is hurting you in some way.

What would I suggest you do to get him back together with you as a fuck buddy? Well that’s not too difficult, I’ll be honest. You’ll need to do a few simple things.

Pure passion
Let’s Be Friends

The first is, when he arrives from his holidays next week, call him two days after his return and chat him up about his trip. Talk in a cheerful fashion and sound interested. You can even ask him if he met any women while on his trip. Basically, what you need to do is try to act like his friend, that your love for him has severely subsided, and that you can think clearly now. This will surprise him even though he may not mention it. Once your phone conversation will be over, he will really start thinking about how you could have been so hot for him just a few weeks ago and now you seem to be completely off of him and just want to be friends. This will be a hit on his ego and he will try to pursue the idea.

Rekindle an Old Flame

The next time you talk to him after the initial call you’ll make after his trip, you should ask him if he’d like to meet. When you meet, act like a friend and don’t push anything onto him. This will require you to really act and try to hide your emotions towards him. It is very difficult for men to say no to sex, especially with a woman they’ve already slept with. And if you start playing a little bit hard to get by showing him that you’re no longer interested in him in “that way” then he’ll end up trying to pursue you. Even though he’s already slept with you, it will feel like an achievement for him if he gets to sleep with you again.

Get Him In Bed

Once he thinks you honestly want to be friends with him rather than be exclusive with him, he may either try and pursue you or in the rare chance he’ll be okay with you two just being friends. If he pursues you, then mission accomplished. If he’s happy with just being friends, then start throwing out some mixed signals towards him. Flirt, make yourself available, retreat once he’s trying to read your signals, and then when you find the right opportunity to get him alone, get him close, and wait for him to make the move. If he’s a normal man, especially one without a girlfriend or wife, he’ll make a move. If you want to hurry up this process, just put your hand gently on the inside of his thigh. That should do the trick. And you’ll be back to your fuck buddy ways.

These are the basic ways you can easily get your fuck buddy back together with you. Once a man sees that he had a fuck buddy and everything was great until the woman tried to complicate things with wanting exclusivity, that’s when he usually backs away. But if he sees that he doesn’t have too many options in other women who just want plain sex, and you present yourself that you just want him back as a fuck buddy and your ideas of love weren’t accurate in your own mind then it shouldn’t be difficult to get him back as a fuck buddy if you follow the previous steps. Best of luck, Monica.


  • Monica said:

    Hey Robby,

    Thanks very much for your response and advises. They are really heplful and relieving.
    Actualy, at first it was him initially giving me false signals about this affair. Although he says that he is not in love with me, he says that he is attracted to me and telling me “I like you” after we had sex. Yet our sex is very passionate and emotional. we hug each other after sex and holding hands while sleeping. So I thought that deep down there he is also into me. if we can spend more time together then he might begin to feel differently. then it blew up.
    While I came to his place to spend weekend he just overstressed and began to behave me cold. telling me that you are expecting something, that we are not a couple, bla bla…
    So it is not only us, but you guys also giving mixed signals sometimes

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Monica: I agree with you, guys can send mixed signals sometimes as well just because they aren’t certain what they want and may get freaked out by the whole commitment. Try going as friends and slowly build it up and basically try what I outlined in the post and everything should go smoothly. Best of luck.

  • Monica said:

    Thank you Robby,

    I hope that things will go smoothly.
    will let you know the developments 😉

  • Greg said:

    Monica, to me it is concerning that you would want to be in a relationship at all with this guy. It sounds to me like he’s using you and that isn’t a healthy and/or beneficial relationship for you. You might want to try cutting off all contact with him for a while and spending some time trying to sort out why you were attracted to him and kept going back for more and letting him use you like this. I think that might really help you take a step forward in finding a healthier relationship with someone who cares about you and is capable of returning the love you have to offer. You do deserve that.
    .-= Greg´s last blog ..The Fuzziness of Sobriety, and Why Quality is More Important than Quantity =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Greg: I actually agree with you and in previous posts I’ve had women ask me how to cut it off with their fuck buddies and I gave my honest advice and they told me it seemed to work. Since Monica wants to continue this relationship, I say whatever makes her happy, and try to advise her on how to achieve that. But from another stand point, you’re right, that there are men who will be happy to have her love and will appreciate her not for just the sex, but will give the love in return as well.

  • Greg said:

    @Robby G
    Thanks for the response Rob. Sounds like we are on the same page. I just know from my own experience that sometimes what I think is making me happy is actually what is making me miserable, and I needed someone who could see my situation more clearly than I could to point that out to me. Either way, I just hope the best for her. Cheers, Greg
    .-= Greg´s last blog ..The Fuzziness of Sobriety, and Why Quality is More Important than Quantity =-.

  • Greg said:

    @Robby G
    Thanks for the response Rob. Sounds like we are on the same page. I just know from my own experience that sometimes what I think is making me happy is actually what is making me miserable, and I needed someone who could see my situation more clearly than I could to point that out to me. Either way, I just hope the best for her. Cheers, Greg

  • Monica said:

    Hey Greg and Robby,

    thank you for your advises. many people tell me that moving on is a better option. but with my current feelings moving on sounds more misarable for me.
    and he was not using me. No one is used in this affair. it was rather me who used him 🙂 he was trying to act responsible by behaving me cold. not to hurt me if I cannot handle this ongoing.

    I love him and I am not the kind who can easily quit in love things. I want to fight a little bit more because so far I see that it was not a good idea to play the cards open with a man who is not used to build up an intimate connection that soon. It was me who was a bit pushing things. I hope that I can make it up for the rest and stay more cool and tactfull.

    love is not easy, it requires effort a bit. I also dated with the men who loved me too but at the end these relationships did not work either as the things went further. this time I had planned to take things quite slowly but unfortunately yielded to my reckless womanness 🙂
    at the end for sure I want him back and I hope I will get him back

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Monica: I gotta say, “That’s the spirit.” Many people (including myself) give up in love quite easily but feel miserable a lot of the times, wishing they could have gone an extra mile. I salute you for fighting and I really hope you get what you want because you obviously deserve it. While we’re all listening to the blues, you’ll be popping champaign enjoying your time. I think my advice will do you good and you will get what you want in the end. I gave my honest advice and even though Greg might think you should move on because that’s his opinion of the situation, you never asked me ‘how you should move on’, you asked me ‘how you can get him back’ and that’s what my advice focused on. Best of luck!

  • Brany H said:

    okay this guy i work with is SUPER sexy, so i began hitting on him. and he told me from the start that he isn’t looking for a serious relationship but that it didn’t mean he wasn’t up for one…so i listened to my girls and went for sex w/o love (never done before) and it was amazing but i DO want to feel like he cares about me not necessarily in a relationship cause even i’m not ready for that but just like occasional dates and outings. he confuses me b/c he did state that he would care if another man lived w/ me (he asked it depends do you have feelings for him) & he texts me every night telling me goodnight & sweet dreams…i’ve never had a “fuck buddy” before so generally i’m confused..what am i missing??

  • Amy said:

    I also have been with a fuck buddie and I really don’t know what to do sometimes he will act like he likes me other times he acts like he is using me some one help please it’s been going on for about 2 years where w’e have had on and of times seeing eachover and there’s been times where he has said he never wants to speak to me agen but then he will get back in contact with me and we will end up having sex agen there’s been times where I’ve tried to get more from him and try to avoid having sex but then he would get all aggressive and tell me why am I wasting his time because I should know what he is like ‘ but he really confuses me because he has said he likes me a few times now
    Any advise ?


  • Dakota said:

    Okay. I had a fuck buddy and we fucked once. We wanted to do it a second time, but he said no. I asked him why and he said “Just kuz” and he keeps telling me to drop the “subject” whenever I try to bring it up. He said he wanted to fuck a second time, but now he’s just acting like a jerk. Whenever we’re hanging out with our friends, he’s acted less-affectionate towards me than before. He said we were fuck buddies while we had sex and we both were virgins at the time. I don’t know what’s going on…

  • Shae said:

    I met this guy 2 weeks ago and we had sex on our first date. I thought I won’t see him again but he called me next day and said we’ll be friends with benefits for now and we’ll let each other know if we have feelings for each other. On our second date he was 2 hours late which made me pissed and than we went down to his place and he started teasing me talking about girls and stuff. I don’t know why it made me jealous and he was like “I wonder why you get pissed”. I also had different things going on in my mind. He told me not to get pissed and shit cause we’re not a couple. Next morning I apologised to him for being mad the night before and told me that we won’t do anything from now on. It’s been two days he hasn’t sent me a message and hasn’t called. I want him, atleast as a friend. I want him back, I want things to be normal but at the same time I don’t want him to think I’m desperate. What do I do??

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