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Getting Back Together

28 September 2011 No Comment

Robby G,

Hey. My girlfriend dumped me because I have been treating her like shit for
the last few months. The thing is I was not in the right frame of mind. I
was suspended from work due to false allegations made by another officer(I
work in a jail). I was off for 4 months and those 4 months I hit rock
bottom. I drank smoked a lot of pot and took a lot of sleeping pills and she
was the only one around and I took all my frustrations out on her without
really knowing I was doing it, she was just the only one around for me. The
final straw was that she saw I had emailed my old girlfriend to meet up. I
told her that it was nothing at all, and it really wasn’t. I had wanted to
meet her and tell her there is no reason to talk at all anymore because all
of our stuff we had (car ownership, banks stuff etc..) was dealt with. But
finding a email like that is brutal. I understand this. I never cheated on
her though. I did try to juggle a lot of bullshit at one time and used
alcohol and drugs to deal with all of my problems and it blew up. I just
found out I was cleared of all allegations!!! (My ex and I work together as
well) It’s going to be fucked up to work together. But I don’t know if
there is any chance of us getting back. She’s up and down and now says she
doesn’t really want to talk. I’m trying to get back to normal and feel
like I am a little bit more logical. But this whole work thing changed me as
a person. It was a serious thing. I work at a jail so false allegations like
this can ruin your career. Anyways. Besides the few months of me going
crazy, we had a awesome relationship. We both connected on a level that we
both thought was perfect. The sex was amazing, the way we cuddled everything,
shopping etc…! I need to know some advice on how to get her back or to
move on. Is there a chance? And if so how do I get her back without fucking
it up? If there is even a chance. Its been 3 weeks since we broke up. I’m
going crazy. Help a brother out.

Getting back together with your girlfriend is difficult but almost never impossible unless it ended on such negative terms that things are completely irreversible and if on top of that she herself has moved on and found someone new. If she has found someone new and she is happy then I suggest you move on yourself as well and either focus your attention on work, especially now that things are looking up for you with the allegations being dropped, or if you are keen on being in a relationship then find someone knew. Seeing that you are recovering from a stupor then I do not advise that you go with one night stands or fuck buddies, but instead involve yourself in a serious, potentially long-term relationship.

If she currently does not have anyone and you are interested in getting her back, then try to portray to her through actions that you have changed and have become a nicer, kinder, and drug-free person. Because you work together, it may be easier for you to allow your actions to speak louder than words. She can observe you without you having to try and contact her and get her attention that way. Now, you can spark sympathy in her by being kind and collected when you are around her, and be more caring when it comes to her. Do not due this out of trickery, however, but try and be as sincere as possible with her, because if you have come out of your drunk/drug phase and your career is in order, you have a lot to be proud of and you have a lot of things to correct in your personal life. After a few weeks, you may want to ask her to have coffee with you or go out for lunch, and then convey to her that you have changed and remind her of all the good times you shared together. Tell her that those times when you were treating her like shit were over and you miss her. Things could all be better now if you got back together and ask her on a date. Do not be forward and tell her you want to jump back into the relationship, but take things step by step and steadily regain her trust. If it doesn’t work, does not give up. Get her a gift with a note. All you need is a single date to get her to realize that you have in fact altered your ways and that things can go back to normal.

If she mentions anything about your ex and the email she found, then and only then explain to her that it was innocent and you never cheated or even had thoughts of cheating on her. But if she does not ask about the email and your ex then do not even bring it up. If the subject comes up then do not act defensive or even confrontational, instead tell her you understand why she would think what she did and that it was a misunderstanding. If she begins to elaborate on the subject and turn it into an argument, hear her out and move on. Do not make it into a big conversation because it can only hurt your progress of getting back together with her.

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