Getting Him to Commit
I wrote some time ago here about a guy Id met. We were initially sleeping
together but he was taking it super slow to get involved emotionally and
allow feelings into the arrangement. At first I thought we were just
f-buddies. But he denied that and said it was more. Very very gradually it
has indeed developed into more. We now spend a lot of time together and do
lots of couple stuff together. We have even had shows of jealousy on both
sides. However, he’s a really sexually active guy, practically horny all the
time. I’m fairly inexperienced. Not what you would call good in bed. But I’m
willing and eager to learn :)) The problem is I know he is having
occasional sex with other women – including his ex. I am worried this is
because he finds me boring in bed and is looking for other ways to meet his
sexual needs. Although I initially thought I could live with infidelity, in
reality it really hurts. I am afraid to confront him about it. But now every
time we’re not together, I cant help wondering what he’s been up to and with
whom. Would it help if I worked on being good in bed..? Then perhaps he
wouldnt need to go elsewhere..
I would like him to commit just to me, I would like a real serious
relationship with just the two of us in it. But he seems to avoid any talk
of “us”, the future, planning… It sounds like SUCH a cliche, but how do
you make a man commit..? I fear talking to him about it openly would only
have the opposite effect – it would scare him off.
Thanks in advance for your advice.
I’ll be completely honest with you, and I will say that there is no real way to fully make a man commit unless he is truly ready to commit. It doesn’t matter what you do, if the man isn’t ready to commit then he just simply won’t. Now, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways to help your chances. If you do not want to talk about it with him, or if he is unwilling to discuss committment, then you must take away something from him that he will miss. It’s almost like taking a toy away from a baby that hasn’t been playing with the toy for a while. When you take its toy away, it begins to want it even though it didn’t seem to care about it moments ago. Now, you told me that he is a very horny type of guy, yet you feel you do not satisfy him in bed and he finds external sources to bring him that satisfaction. Firstly, if he doesn’t want to commit and he is unsatisfied with your performance in bed then why does he even stay with you? That means that there is something that you supply him that the other women do not. If it’s not the phenomenal sex then it is either your personality or your looks that keep him wanting to see you. Sex is something secondary for him and its the toy that he does not fully care about. So if you decide to stop having sex with him, then he may become specifically interested in that. It’s a great way to make him stop sleeping with other women. Why? Because if you are used to getting something and then that certain something is no longer supplied then you begin to appreciate it much more. So if you stop sleeping with him, he may be willing to stop seeing other women and fully focus on you. Yes, I will admit it, sex is a great weapon women possess over men and it can make them do things that you never thought it could.
Then once you see his interest returning and his passion towards you increasing, give in and have sex again with him, but make sure to ask him how he likes it and do the things he wants. Also, one misconception that women have about sex is that sometimes it doesn’t matter how good the girl is, it matters how passionate she is during the sex. So if you actually act sensual and do things that he requires sexually then he will not even want to have sex with other women. Just make sure not to reveal your insecurities in bed and act like you know what you’re doing. Because even if a man is sleeping with a virgin, he doesn’t really want a woman that seems like she has no clue with what she’s doing. Watch some porn if you have to in order to learn some new stuff 😉 Good luck!