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Getting to Know Your Date

8 January 2011 No Comment

So, I was dating a guy for about 3 months and everything was amazing, he was
always taking me out for dinner, telling me he loved me, telling me that he
wanted to marry me one day and pretty much being the perfect boyfriend.
Everything seemed so right and there was so much chemistry. In August I went
to Los Angeles for 6 weeks and we were emailing every day and talking on the
phone every day, however when I came back things changed. He got really
distant and would always cancel our dates. Then we eventually met up and he
told me that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship or wanted to be
single, in the end we decided to try dating again. However that didn’t really
work out and I became frustrated with being messed around and we had some
pretty big arguments and agreed to not date anymore. About 2 weeks ago he
asked me to drop something of his into the bar where he works, I went in
planning on just dropping the tickets off and leaving but instead we were
talking non stop for 2 hours! After that we didn’t really talk again until he
text me one night telling me that he missed me. I ignored the text until the
following day and then asked him what he meant by it. He said that he misses
hanging out with me. I asked if he ever wanted to date me again and he said
that he didn’t know, all he knew was that he wasn’t ready to find out just
yet. Then 2 nights ago he text asking for no strings sex, I declined but
then the following night decided that I did actually want to go to his. He
then said he wasn’t sure if I should because it might turn in to me staying
the night and us talking about our feelings. So I went and we had sex and
then I left. I don’t regret it but now I don’t know where I stand. I know that
he’s still attracted to me, and misses talking to me (although we didn’t
exactly talk last night) and I know that he did love me but now I don’t know
what to do. I do want him back but I don’t know how to go about this without
scaring him off.
Is he just looking for a fuck buddy or do you think there is more to it? If
there is, how do I go about finding out and making something more happen
between us. Should I leave it a few weeks or keep meeting up with him?
thanks any advice would be great.

Kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Photo by Gui Trento
After reading this, it makes me wonder what exactly had changed in him during the time that you were away in California. Was it that he cooled off and realized that his initial feelings were of lust rather than love, or did he find someone new? I also think that though 3 months is sometimes enough to decide whether the person you are seeing is really the one for you, it at other times is seen as rushing into things that you may regret later on. Telling you that I exactly know if he wants to be your fuck buddy or wants to date you and takes things a little slower would be a lie. Because honestly it appears that though he tends to say things just for the sake of saying them, he also gives off signals that appear genuine and forthright. I also once had a girl who I dated for 4 months and we both believed we were perfect for each other and once we had some time apart, something happened and once we saw each other again, there was some tension. We got back into dating again and things were great again but once we were apart again, things went off track. Currently, looking back, I would say the smart move on our part would have been to take things a little slower. I’m not suggesting that you have a liberal relationship where you just sleep around with others and have yourself a fuck buddy relationship whenever you “miss” him, but rather not put any pressure on each other and just go on dates while still having your own life to keep you grounded. This would mean refrain from moving in together and such, and essentially build a solid foundation where you get to know each other on a much deeper level. And from them on you can tell if he is really the right man for you and he will see if you’re the one for him. This will also allow him the time to know what it is that he wants and if his initial feelings were in fact love or just lust.

So keep seeing him and this does not mean that it has to end in the bedroom all the time, or that it has to be so formal as dinners or whatnot. This could include going out for coffee or lunch, because I have noticed it is in those informal atmospheres that men and women show their true selves and you really get to see if you in fact can take being around that person. So try that out and see how things go, and don’t think so much about the future, just try to enjoy the time you spend with him and see if you are really as into him as you think.

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