Am I Made Up of Girlfriend Material?
I am 26 years old and have never had boyfriend; however, I do have experience
with men but not in a relationship aspect. I have always been the mistress, the
fuck buddy and the fun girl. I have had desires for a relationship but they
never seemed to materialize for some reason. In rare cases when it did seem like
it was going down that road I felt panicky, smothered and restrained by the
guy. My questions are: could I possibly not be girlfriend material? and are there
people who are just not meant to be in a relationship? This is something that I
have always wondered. Thank You.
There’s no such thing as not being made up of girlfriend material. When a girl wants a relationship, she can get into a relationship, but there are certain rules that she has to follow. Your experience of feeling smothered comes from your fear of being in a relationship. You’re not the first to go through this and you’re definitely not the last. Both men and women get this feeling, and it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, but it means that there is something deeper rooted in you that keeps you from getting involved. The reason for the fear is usually past experiences where you trusted someone, whether a boy you liked or a close friend or family member, and they ended up hurting you somehow. Another reason may be that your own parents do not seem to have a had a happy family life and you subconsciously believe that that is what is waiting for you if you ever get involved with someone on a level deeper that just physical. There are literally countless reasons why you may not get yourself to feel comfortable in getting close to a man, but the before you can start something serious with someone, you must confront this reason behind the fear and want to overcome it.
You are seeking reasons or excuses as to why you do not seem to get a boyfriend, and what you must do is essentially prepare yourself and take things step by step rather than jumping into anything serious from the start. Start by meeting new guys who don’t know anything about you or yourself and put yourself out there as available but not desperate. Go on dates and don’t put out right away. Feel the guy out and see what sort of intentions he has, because if a man isn’t interested in a relationship, you will get that feel from him. He will try to be more assertive and sexual and you can even go so far as to ask him his intentions with you. If he says “not really looking to anything serious” than take it as it is, he just wants a fun girl to sleep around with. If he says “time will tell and let’s take it as it comes” then he doesn’t want to tell you directly that he may see you to being in a relationship in the near future but those are his actual intentions. When men are put on the spot by a woman it isn’t too difficult to read their true intentions.
Now if the man is interested in a relationship, don’t rush and don’t make him the center of your world. Make sure you continue living your own life and see him as someone who is an addition to your life and not one to focus all of your attention on. This way you will not feel smothered since you do not allow him to be your everything, but only a part of your life. Now I won’t go into detail about how to find a man and what to do for you to attract him because you mentioned that that is not what you are having difficulty in; and if you are then you may want to read the article on ways to attract the men you want.
After some dates it would be wise of you to confirm with him what you and he are: a couple or just friends? Also, don’t be shy to tell him your desires of a relationship.