Give Him a Chance and You May be Pleasantly Surprised
I love the way you give advice when I wrote you about my love problem in the
past (Pursued by a Married Man). Everything you said was an eye opener.
I am confused again this time with a new guy. He was someone I met
more than 4 years ago. We went out on a date, had dinner then he took me to the
movies. During the dinner, he was really ok to speak with and acted like a real
gentleman but when we went inside the movies, he kissed and touched me everywhere.
The kiss was so passionate and good that I allowed him to kiss me more and there
were some touching and so on but that was it. He invited me for a second date
and this time, right after the date, we had sex. Afterwards, he hinted on
wanting to see me again, and I said yes but when I went home, I felt sad,
because it was the first time I did it with a guy who was not my bf. And mostly,
I felt attracted to him yet I can see he only wanted to get laid with me. When
he asked me out for the third time, I decided not to respond, deleted his number
and removed his messenger ID from my list. And as I lost touch with him for 4
years although during those time span, I would randomly receive offline messages
from him every once in a while. I had not been able to log on to my messenger
for quite a long time, so I was able to move on from him and forget about what I
felt for him. And because I was so ashamed that I gave in to a stranger, I was
hoping he won’t see me again.
Just last December 31st, eve of new year, I was able to get online to keep in
touch with my sister until I got an IM from a guy. I still recognized his ID
though, and yes he was the guy I hooked-up 4 yrs back so I decided that I would
pretend to have forgotten him. He gave me a video call and I answered it. He
smiled while he was trying to introduced himself again to me and since I told
him I don’t remember anymore, he told me about what we did during our
dates back then. I felt stupid telling him I don’t remember so I just
said “yeah I remember you”–and
there–we were able to sort of..pick up things where we left of.
We spoke for 5 hours trying to reconnect whatever was disconnected between us.
After he found out that I’m still single, he offered me a real
relationship saying “will you be my girlfriend” I told him that
if I am to be in a relationship at this point, I don’t want playing
games and I don’t want to be involved with a taken/married guy. He
assured me that he’s not in a relationship nor married so, finally on January
1st 2012, I said yes and we’re already a couple. By the way he’s assigned
to Africa because of his work so we decided to keep in touch online. When
I’m at work, we do it through emails/IM and during week-ends, we video
chat through Skype.
During our first week as a couple, everything was ok despite the distance. But
somehow, something’s bothering me but I just can’t tell
directly. All I understood was that his plans when he comes back only revolve
around what are we going to do in bed. He keeps on talking about sex. He would
keep on telling me how I managed to stay beautiful and sexy and that we will do
a lot of stuff in bed. At first, I tried to understand him that he’s
just lonely and he is hungry of some intimacy (he doesn’t have any
chance to go out with girls in Africa because he’s doesn’t feel
secure). What’s bothering me more is that he keeps on telling me to get
naked or at least expose some of my body parts while we are doing video chat. 1
time, I obliged. But after that, I firmly said no. I explained to him my reasons
and then he would ask me to at least wear something sexy. Sometimes I do that
but most of the time I don’t. He said that he’s serious about
his relationship with me. I want to believe but I’m scared. Sometimes,
he would tell me about his plans in having a family with me but when he starts
asking me to get naked while we video chat, it makes me worried. He is sweet and
I can feel that he’s sincere but sometimes I doubt him.
Do you think this kind of guy is really serious about our relationship?
From your description, he sounds like a very decent guy who is serious about your relationship and is very comfortable with everything you two share. I’ll be honest, when I read that you deleted his number and his email from your messenger account just because you slept with him while he wasn’t your boyfriend, I found it extremely odd. There are times that two people sleep with each other before making it official, and when they see they are compatible, they continue dating and that gradually evolves into a relationship. He must have been very confused as to why you deleted him, because he clearly still felt something for you. Now that you have reemerged into his life, he feels like those feelings he had for you have returned.
Now that he is in Africa, it is only natural that he would ask you to dress sexy or put on a virtual show for him, because he is in fact lonely there. It is quite early into your relationship so it is very unfortunate that he had to leave on business already, but at least he is trying to be faithful and as open with you as possible. Also, being sexual over Skype is another way for him to let you know that there isn’t anything for you to worry about concerning him being faithful to you. If he would not have asked you to dress sexual or given you compliments about you looking good, you may have questions about whether or not he is seeing anyone else over there.
The main problem with your relationship is that you two have not yet learned all there is about each other and do not know all of your likes/dislikes. There might be somethings that he may feel are appropriate when it comes to your relationship which you may not feel is okay when you have only been with each other for a few weeks. He does seem like a committed guy who you can develop a relationship with. You have to give him a chance, however, and not drive him away by thinking unapprovingly of him from the start without having any concrete reason to why. You have left him in the dark once without giving him any reason as to why, so try not to make the same mistake again. Be open with him but do not do anything against your own will. Basically, try to see things from his perspective and you will see that he probably just really misses you and wants to have your relationship grow into something very meaningful.