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Give Him a Moment to Cool Down

22 September 2010 No Comment

Hi there.
My best friend and I started sleeping together after he and I went through
really bad break ups. Everything was fine and dandy. We knew that we were
just fuck buddies. We kept our friendship separate from us having sex. We
have a very honest and open relationship. He and I made an agreement that we
would not sleep with anyone else while we were sleeping together. I admit
that I did sleep with other people while he and I were sleeping together,
but never told him. It is now 3 years later since we became fuck buddies and
things have become extremely confusing to me. Just recently I have started
getting feelings for him. He and I text every day. He tells me that I am the
perfect woman for him and he tells me that he loves me. He hasn’t told
anyone he loved them since his last serious relationship before he and I
started having sex. He also tells me that he is not with me just for the
sex. I finally told him that I had sex with other people while he
and I were sleeping together. He is now extremely jealous when I hang out
with other guys. Even though he knows how I feel about him and that I want
to be with him, he does not want to date me. I continue to go through this
battle of him acting like he wants to be with me, but won’t. I have stopped
having sex with him for a period of time because it hurts me so much, but we
just keep falling back into our old ways. We can’t stay away from each other
and we value the friendship that we have. What should I do?

It’s weird how honesty can go both ways, huh? If you would not have told hm about the other guys then he probably would have been happy dating you, but since you revealed this truth, he thinks he cannot trust you enough to start a relationship with you. His emotions are obviously still there and he is most likely suffering not being in a formal relationship with you, but his pride is what is in the way of getting over the fact that you deceived him and slept with others while you promised you wouldn’t when you were just fuck buddies.

I think you should try being a good friend in this situation and not mention too much about the sexual aspect of your relationship. If he wants to have sex again with you, tell him that you want more than just sex, and if you start something serious now then you will be devoted to him and if he still feels anything for you then he should act on it while he still has the chance. It’s silly of him to stay mad at the idea that you slept with someone else when you were just fuck buddies, because you weren’t officially together at the time. Tell him that he has a chance now to man up and make you his and if he doesn’t act on it then it’s going back to strictly friendship because you clearly have an emotional attachment (and so does he) and staying fuck buddies when you like the person is a hard thing to accomplish. Jealousy, protectiveness, and anger will eventually pile up and come out on any given occasion when the “rules” of your fuck buddy relationship is not expressed clearly.

I personally think that the more you try to convince him to date you by being too nice to him or even sorry for not telling him that you slept with some guys while you were agreed to not do so, that you actually give him more control. So it’s best to not be apologetic about that and give him time to cool down. If he sees that you’re not too bothered by your doings then it will be faster for him to realize that maybe he’s over-reacting and that it’s not worth it for him to holding some sort of grudge. So act cool about it and like you’ve done nothing wrong and he’ll come around sooner than later. Still remain a good friend though in the mean time. And make sure to let me know how things turn out.

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