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Good Friends with Benefits

26 November 2010 One Comment

There’s this guy i’ve been fbs with for about 8months. I’ve seen other
people and i know he has too. we dont talk too much about the others. we have
but usually dont. Before i explain i should tell you that in a way we both
have been called emotionally unavailable. We both prefer hook ups than gfs.
We have a lot in common especially our love for women. It was always
when-ever we were free which could be once a week, once a month or sometimes
longer. But for the past say month or so things have started to feel
different. little things like one we have hung out multiple times and didnt
have sex. a few times i woke up and we were cuddling. just hung out cooked
foood and watched movies.

I had an upsetting talk with an ex talking about how i would horribly fail
as a gf, i texted him because i know he’d tell me the truth as friends. he
told me i would be an amazing gf and then sent a text not talking about how
its okay im not in a relationship and about how he just isnt ready to be in
a relationship. I wasnt asking anything about us or why he wasnt so i that
confused me. We text quite a lot compared to the begining. Not everyday
usually, sometimes, but a few times a week. Most of the time its not even
about sex anymore. he always has me sleep over and has even driven me to
work and stopped by starbucks so i can get a coffee(which is my favorite).
he’s told me about a woman he really wanted to be with and how it was not
the woman for him. i’ve told him about guy i was in love with who turned out
so wrong as well. the other night we hung out and talked about baking
because i love to bake. he had said something about how would i like to go
to his moms and make a homeade gingerbread house. Dont get me wrong i didnt
take it as me meeting his mom as anything but a friend. He said a few
friends go every year. Later that night though he dropped a “if you want to
impress my friends you’ve got to learn how to make these cookies my mom
makes” What is that? why would i need to impress his friends. Plus we wants
us to get a soda machine and keep it at his apt?(thought that was random)

I’ve never looked at him more than a fb. not saying he’s a bad guy, he’s
amazing but i never looked at it anything more than sex. so my question is,
is it turning to more or am i just being paranoid?


Photo by Mariano Luchini photographer
When I read about the way he was treating you, I thought that maybe he was trying to get you to commit, but when he said about impressing his friends, and moreover, when you mentioned the soda machine, I completely changed my mind. I really think that he is just a very laid back type of guy who doesn’t care to date at the moment. He is not conservative at all about relationships and does not care to call it dating or call it a FB relationship. He seems like the type to simply go with the flow, so to speak. He tells you though, that he is not interest in commitment, which is something you should not just skim over, but actually take into consideration. I’m certain that he isn’t just saying it to simply say it, but he in fact does mean it. He may have some ideas down the road to maybe get a closer relationship, but that doesn’t mean that he is looking for an exclusive thing. If you never thought of it as anything more than a FB relationship then I wouldn’t worry about him wanting to put some sort of restraints on the current way things are going. I think you should actually embrace this notion of friendship that he’s implemented into your relationship, because it can’t lead to anything too bad.

It doesn’t sound like you yourself want anything too serious at the moment, so it’s really okay if you take it as easy as him and just allow the way things are going to keep following its course. I personally wouldn’t worry about much at the moment, and focus on things that are more important while enjoying this “friends with benefits” relationship you’ve got going on. Because you’re not really plain FBs, your more like friends who sleep with each other, because you do enjoy each others’ company when you’re together. Good luck with everything. I hope I reassured you.

One Comment »

  • Chris said:

    Hes not ready for a commitment at this moment but he wishes to find out if he can date you in the future. like a belief that aliens dont exist but you are open to the idea that they do.

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