I have been seeing this guy about a year and a half… prior to seeing him
the attraction and flirting has always been there for years.
Our agreement on our relationship was based only the physical. Like all FB
relationships … this became complicated. Him and I were both involved with
someone else at the time. He left his gf for a brief time
(according to him it was indirectly bcuz of me). During that separation
phase we discussed our attachment and affection for each other and agreed to
try to take it to the next step.. things started to look good … then he
returns back to his ex..now gf.
Here is where the advice is needed… he claims that he’s confused and
regrets going back and should have given it a try. I received so many mixed
signals and the hot & cold personality. I dont know what to do or what to
say. I want to believe him, in fact I do cause it seems sincere, but at the
same time I feel like im being played and fked with. He assures me that’s
not the case that he’s just confused and is afraid of making the wrong
decision. Says he has his reservations for going back and it’s based on
comfort. That even during initmate times with her … thinks of me or can’t
finish… The funny part is that he acts like he’s my bf the jealous, always
wanting to fix my problems and very affectionate and caring. I’m just so
confused and its hard to keep up with the changing mood.
The other twist is that he wants my ex completely out the pic and wants me
to stick around until he figures his stuff out. I’m okay with that as long
the sex is out of the picture.
What are your thoughts? Why the mix signals? Is he playing games?
My thoughts are that you are giving him way too much room to maneuver any which way he wants, which makes him become even more indecisive. When there are multiple options, and they are both good and hard to decide on, people tend to prolong the process up until there is no more time or room to continue prolonging the process of making a final decision. This I can say from personal experience. He is refraining forom making his decision and he will continue on doing so until you put a little more pressure on him. Currently he has the “upper hand” and in order for you to not look like you’re getting f*cked over, you should tell him that you’re not going to leave your boyfriend if he’s not willing to leave him. Be direct by saying that if he is confused then he still obviously likes his girlfriend and is only using you for the sex, even though he does sound sincere. Tell him you are willing to leave your boyfriend but only when you he takes action and breaks it off with his own girlfriend. You’re not someone who should live your life based around the decisions this guy makes (or doesn’t make) and though you do not want to pose an ultimatum, threaten him by explaining that until he makes up his mind you will not have sex with him. This way you are also protecting your dignity by portraying to him that you aren’t some girl who he can sleep with on the side whenever he isn’t feeling his girlfriend. Sure, you’ll still remain friendly and talk to him but there just won’t be any more sex until he makes up his mind to break up with his girlfriend. This will make it much easier for him to make up his mind, believe me. And you will also be able to see if he is sincere about liking you and wanting to be with you.
If you want my opinion about the guy, however, I will say that he sounds like he’s BSing you slightly, because this confusion shouldn’t even be there for him if he likes you so much that he has to think of you to bust a nut when he’s with his girlfriend. That just sounds like something he’d say just to make you feel more special. He probably is just trying to keep this going as long as possible: having two girls to sleep with without having to commit. You can try to approach this the way I suggested with a little more assertiveness and see how things go from there. If he does like you then he will break up with her and come to you, it’s as simple as that. Wish you luck.