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He’s Laid His Cards Out on the Table

1 October 2010 2 Comments

Robby,

I met a guy while I was on vacation and we ended up getting drunk and having
sex on the night we met. Then we saw each other the next night, hung out
again, and ended the night with sex again. The sex was amazing. Afterward,
on both nights, we got dressed, he walked me to my room, and kissed me goodnight. The next morning was the end of my trip and I had to leave him. We
saw each other and had an incredibly cute good bye. I essentially tucked
him into his bed, but not before cuddling with him for a few minutes and
kissing him. He spewed a cheesy line of how, “it’s never good bye, only see
you later”. Before this he had asked if I was going to give him my number,
to which I was surprised. I had seen what we did as an “extended one night
stand” and didn’t think anything else would come of it. I reacted with a
shocked, “what do you want my number for?”–our homes are a 4 hour drive
away from each other and just didn’t see how it would work. He’s currently
in the army and deployed, we met during his 2 week leave. After asking for
my number, he said he’d get it later since we were already friends on
facebook and he wouldn’t have a phone for a few months anyway until he gets
back from deployment.

Now, it’s been a month since we met and had sex. We’ve talked on facebook
chat pretty regularly since parting ways. When we hung out again, after
having sex that first night, he told me that he didn’t regret doing what we
did and he mentioned something vague about even liking me if we had met back
home or something along those lines.

Anyway, at first, when we started talking on FB chat, it was great. He
would IM me and we just spent time talking and getting to know each other.
It was flirty and we discussed the sex. I told him I wouldn’t have done it
if I hadn’t been so drunk but that I didn’t regret it. He said I was making
him feel bad, like he raped me. I told him he shouldn’t feel that way.
This happened the first time we chatted. After that, we just talked and
continued getting to know each other for a week and a half.

Then, the IMing turned sexual. It started off innocently, with him saying
he wished I was there to tuck him in and ended up turning into full blown
cybering. It turns out that when he drives from base to home, my area is
pretty much the midway point of the drive. And he suggested stopping
through to “prove to me” that the sex we had wasn’t his best performance.
Later on, flat out saying, “we should fuck when i get back”. While the
prospect of more sex with him is tempting, it began becoming clear to me
that he only sought one thing from me, and that was sex. And how could I
blame him?

From the way he talks to me, I can tell he wants a fuck buddy relationship
with me. But I already see myself wanting more from him and it immediately
struck me as a bad idea. I already want more, so I know my feelings are
bound to be hurt. But he was so insistent about the topic of us seeing each
other when he got back, that I humored him. What started to piss me off
during this particular IM conversation was the way he kept professing how
sexy i was, that he likes my smile, my personality, my “everything”. He
said i was the only girl he fucked on his trip and that “it was hot
passionate sex” and that he thinks “it was incredible and our sex is
amazing” and that he wants me.

But this, I’m sure, was all part of the sell, him trying to convince me to
see him again. The conversation ended with him thinking I wanted to
continue having sex with him once he was back, but with me concerned that it
would be a bad idea.

I continued to talk to him over the next few days while reflecting on the
idea. In the meantime, he suggested we upgrade our IMing to skype-ing at
some point. I refused. He suggested that I cook for him once he was back,
to which I jokingly agreed.

Finally, after a few days of talking, I felt as though I should tell him I
didn’t think us having sex again would be a good idea. He wanted to know
why. So I told him I thought I’d start to feel bad about it if I kept doing
it. He said that that was my decision to make but that he didn’t feel bad
and that he didn’t think I was a whore or anything like that. I think I
offended him because I implied that he gives sex away. So he told me he
thought I saw sex the same way as him and then said he had to go and signed
off.

I felt like that had ended on a bad note. So I sent him a quick message to
say that I did see sex the way he did, that I agreed that two adults can
have sex if they want to. But that I feel like I like him more than he
likes me and just don’t want to get hurt. He replied that his intentions
aren’t to hurt me, that he thinks I’m cool, and hopes we can be friends. I
replied saying I know he’s not trying to hurt me but I feel I’d be hurt and
agreed that we should be friends. Then I decided we needed space from each
other for a couple days. I wanted him to process what I had told him. So I
didn’t appear on chat for the rest of the weekend.

After a couple days, I went online and he IMed me right away. He asked me
how I was and we went into a normal conversation from there. Then a week
goes by, we’re talking, and he mentions that he gets a lot of time to think
about everything, including “that cute chick [he] seen 3 weeks ago”. He
mentions that he still fantasizes about me. But that if it makes me feel
better, he doesn’t always just think of the sexual stuff. I say that that’s
b/c I’m just that awesome and he tells me i’m making him hard. Trying to
avoid another cyber session, I tell him that he’s doing it to himself and
that I thought he didn’t want to get worked up during the day since he had
to go to work soon. Then he suggested that I send him pictures of myself.
And when I began to refuse, he said that he’d make it worth my while when he
came home. Completely disregarding the conversation we had a week earlier!!
This was frustrating for me. I told him I don’t send naked pictures, that
we had already talked about sex again, and told him I had to sign off. For
this entire conversation, I did all I could do to keep the topic off sex,
but he kept insisting! Clearly, he sees me as nothing more than a sex
machine. This pretty much sealed the deal for me. Clearly, I’m an object
to him. I don’t want a guy i like to make me feel objectified the way he
has. And I’m THIS close to never talking to him again. I KNOW it’s what’s
best for me. But the moron in me, I guess, is still holding on to a shred
of hope that I can be more than that to him. Because I like him (everyone’s
ultimate downfall).

Just tell me I’m being stupid. I guess I want an outsider’s opinion. So
that I can move on from him without a hint of doubt.

But there’s certain things that make me think he really does like me. A lot
of the time when he talks to me, I feel like he just goes on and on about
his life and his situation. Which is fine. But I noticed he never asks me
about my life and that I rarely talk about myself when we talk. Well, there
was one time where he talked about himself for a lengthy amount of time but
then stopped and said, “Whatever though. Tell me something about you. I
wanna talk about you.” But it was just the one time out of the many times
we’ve talked. There’s things like that. Plus, he said we had amazing sex
and pretty much described me as the total package. I guess they were just
things he said b/c he wanted to get his way with me. But they’re also the
things that make me wonder.

What do you think, Robby? Could it be possible that he’s just super horny?
He did admit to me that he has a huge sex drive. But at the same time, even
though he only has super positive things to say about me, he never says
anything in regards to a commitment. To him, it’s all about the fucking.
He’s a good guy though. When I tell him I had a crappy week, he asks if I’m
ok and says I can talk to him if I need to. But then again, I feel like he
doesn’t have a genuine interest beyond having sex. What do you think?

Kay

I really think that he likes you. In fact, I think he really likes you. The thing is, he doesn’t only like you but he feels a connection with you that he doesn’t have that easily with other women. With men, they tend to speak of sex and joke around about things like “cook for me when I see you” when they found a girl they can be completely honest with. The only problem is that he feels such a connection with you that he has dropped his entire game plan and is being way too honest with you. He thinks that since you two had sex and talk often on IM that he has some “rights” over talking to you in a manner that two people that have known each other for a long time do. He asks you about how you feel when you seem down and genuinely is interested in you even though he may not ask for you to talk about yourself often. Also, I think that he isn’t even interested in a fuck buddy if you offered it to him. He sounds like he requires emotional support and he needs someone in his life that will listen to his issues and will play the role of his girlfriend. The distance and his job are of course big issues that may make it tough for you to actually have a fully functional relationship, but if you are willing to have a long-distance relationship then it may work. You must realize tyhat in a long-distance relationship, the whole dating and talking aspect of it is usually done over the phone or through IM, because you are unable to see each other often. But when you do meet up and have time to spend with each other, it is usually used to have sex. With this in mind, you must realize that he in fact does talk to you often whenever he can through the computer, so it is only natural that he would want to spend the time having sex with you whenever he has the opportunity to see you in person. If he only messaged you when he was coming around to your area and discussed only how much he wants to sleep with you when you finally meet in a few days, then I would consider that he is not genuine about liking you and would say he only wants you to have sex with him. However, he is very honest and open when he talks to you, and he is also very enthusiastic when he does talk to you, so that really means a lot. When men aren’t interested and only want sex, they act less open and don’t tend to be as flirtatious, instead they are more blunt and straight to the point about the fuck buddy status. Talk to him in a few days and see if he sounds like he has had a bad few days beause he hasn’t spoken to you in a while. I am sure that he is really interested in you and doesn’t see you only as a fuck buddy.

2 Comments »

  • Kay said:

    Robby,

    You were wrong. He just wanted more sex. Enough was enough and I just asked him what he wanted from seeing each other again. I’m starting to feel like part of the reason you have this blog is to help guys get laid by girls like me. And that’s just straight up not cool. I should’ve followed my instincts from the beginning and never let your response lead me back to him. But anyway, I never ended up seeing him again so no harm, no foul. I’d suggest that you stop using your platform to try to convince girls to give chances to guys they like that clearly will never like them the same way. You wanna be a bro, and a guru for guys, fine. Don’t ill-advise the girls that like them in the process.

    Kay

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    Robby G Reply:

    @Kay: I don’t use this site to misguide women and help men to get laid. I genuinely try to help whoever comes to ask me questions and that’s proven by the countless women and men I’ve helped. If it did not work out for you, I am sorry, but don’t think that I purposely wanted that to happen. I am a human though and I do make mistakes sometimes.

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