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He’s Using Me Yet I’m Still on His Hook

7 March 2011 2 Comments

okay let me just warn you, this will get long ):
so i met this guy while i was still in school, we would text and hang out in
school we would flirt a lot. The first time i went over to his place we
ended up having sex (he was my first and he knows it). everything was good
after we kept on talking and he would tell me that he wanted to be my
boyfriend that we just had to get to know each other because we both wanted
something serious. after a couple of weeks i don’t even remember what happened
anymore and we got into a fight and we stopped talking (we had only had sex
that one time), when he tried talking to me again i lied and i told him that
i had a boyfriend by then but he was persistent and kept on talking to me
(like everyday) so after a couple of weeks he convinced me and i went over to
his house and we had sex again (this was with him thinking that i had a
boyfriend). this same process has been going on for about a year now; we
start talking but i tell him i have a boyfriend he still convinces me to go
over and we have sex, just that we don’t really talk much we just have sex he
always tells me that he wants something serious and that’s why he convinces
but right after were done he’ll start acting weird like distant like he
doesn’t care and we get into a fight and we stop talking and after a couple
of weeks the same thing happens again. We’ve never been out on a date,
nothing the only times i see him is to have sex. We do text a lot like
everyday and he tells me that i am somebody that he would love to be with
someday and i have feelings for him like really strong. He’s the only guy i’ve
been with. He didn’t know this tho he thought that i would be intimate with
all the “boyfriends” I’ve had and one time we were fighting he told me that i
didn’t know what i wanted that i was just going around this pissed me off and
i told him that he was the only guy id been with and it was hard for him to
believe but i guess he finally did and he started talking to me again and
told me that he wanted something serious with me this time (this is what he
always tells me) i told him okay after a little begging from his part i went
over to his house like two days after and he had sex i came back home and
right away he was different. After a couple of days of this and i was tired
of him i asked him why he was being weird and he told me not to start again
and we got into a fight and were not talking again. (this was last week).
i really don’t know what to do i know I’m obsessed with him because i know hes
just lying to me and everybody that knows my story tells me hes just playing
me but i want him i don’t even look at other guys at all its just him. we’ve
never even gone out i don’t know any of his friends, but i do think
he likes me at least a little bit because once he wanted me to stay in his
house until his parents got there so he could introduce me to them but i
freaked out and i just left his house (this was a reason for one of our many
fights). he knows what to say to get me back and what to say to get into a
fight and stop talking. please tell me do i have a chance at all and if not
PLEASE tell me what to do so i can get him to commit to me I’ve tried so many
things and different ways but we always end up getting into a fight. and if
he is just playing me why does he keep on doing it??? this has been going on
for over a year! he assures me tho that he doesn’t have sex with anybody else
and i kind of believe him because this happens every couple of weeks when
he’s horny. i know i sound ridiculous but i really want to make him my
boyfriend. thank you and please let me know if you need any more details.
hope you can help me.

I think you’ve really answered your question as to why he keeps tagging you along. You said he does it when he’s feeling horny, so that’s all it is. I can almost certainly say that he doesn’t want anything too serious and he would like to “test the waters” while he can without being tied up, and whenever he is feeling like he needs a shag, he calls you up and says the things you want to hear just to get you to come over. He’s playing mind games here and the way he’s approaching the whole situation is rather juvenile, I must admit. I know this isn’t probably what you want to hear, but you asked, so…

It was a mistake on your part to tell him you have a boyfriend when you didn’t and then still go over and sleep with him. But it’s done and you’ve admitted that he’s the only man you’ve been with, so that’s good even though I don’t know if he fully believes it. If you want him to take you more serious and treat you more like a girlfriend then you have to do two things. 1. Stop sleeping with him whenever he’s feeling horny, and 2. Make him wonder.

It’s really at a point that you have to use his weakness against him. It seems like you’re allowing him to do whatever he wants and yet you’re not satisfied because you obviously want something more than the occasional sex. I think you would benefit from reading this post, “Get Him to Chase You“. It’s very often that once you like someone that you reveal to them that you are in fact infatuated by them, but I hate to say that if there is a imbalance of mutual attraction then one’s affection is seen as obsession and that’s one of the biggest relationship killers. You have to protect your hand more and not reveal all your of emotions to him. Keep him wondering what you’re thinking and what you want from him and be flirtatious while not giving him the satisfaction of taking things to the next level. Don’t text him that often or at least take longer time between your replies, and give him one word answers at times. Don’t chase him but flip the roles and get him to wonder why you’ve “evolved” and aren’t as interested in him or aren’t believing his false promises. You have the ability to use what he wants to get him to do what you essentially want: take you out and become your boyfriend. When you do finally go out, do not fold to how you expect he wants you to act, but and say things that are fun and unrelated to relationships and anything serious, unless of course he brings it up. Allow him to be the initiator of conversations and see if you are in fact compatible with him rather than you liking him just because he’s the first man you’ve been with sexually. Hear him out instead of talking much when you’re on the date and see if you have similar interests and whatnot. But at the same time don’t forget to have fun, because after all dating is meant for having a good time. So enjoy, and let me know how things go 😉

2 Comments »

  • claudia said:

    things with him are just so difficult!!! hes so hot and cold its so frustrating… thank you though for helping me out i will atleast try to do the things you told me to do hopefully it works and i dont just end up hurt :/.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Claudia: Yeah, try it out, I really hope the best for you. But if things are the way you say they are, try not to get yourself too involved emotionally right now. I know it’s much easier said than done, but you know, I mean don’t expect everything to go fairytale-like and go into things with some caution. Get back to me with an update if you’d like, I’d be glad to hear more from you. Cheers.

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